Upon reaching Vietnam my first impressions were that this is the most hectic and chaotic place I have ever been. A week later and that impression has only been confirmed. Every man, woman, and infant child seems to own a moped, yet no understanding of how to drive the things.

Rides on a xe om (a moped you pay to ride on the back, gripping for dear life, instead of a taxi) have taught me several things; you are supposed to drive on the right but if you are turning, looking at something, in a bad mood, in a good mood, or if it ever takes your fancy then anywhere else on the road is fine, there is an art to sitting as the Vietnamese do without fear and i am yet to master it, and that I really quite enjoy such an everyday adrenaline rush.

The problem is the xe om drivers (along with tuk tuk drivers, cyclo drivers, taxi drivers, hotel owners, cafe owners, and any person who stands to make a penny out of you in Vietnam) will scam you, charge you more than they said to begin with, attempt to fill your diary with events that they personally will arrange at very good price, and unashamedly rip you off night and day. They are driving us crazy. Normal everyday Vietnamese are very friendly, taking our photos (one group of middle aged women getting rather too excited and grabbing my crotch as they snapped on their camera phones, leaving me extremely flustered and quick to return to the safety of the hotel in Saigon) and waving hello, but anyone in any way connected to the tourist industry is an absolute ****, well i cant type the word as sensitive eyes may be reading, but you get the idea.

We are in Nha Trang now, so have taken just two long distance buses from Ho Chi Minh City, but already have developed serious anxieties about the next one this evening. On first glance the buses themselves are fine, the poor roads rickety and windy but nothing on South America, but its the strange fashion of bus vomiting that is giving us such bus-fear.

I assume its a fashionable thing to do in Vietnam otherwise there are several things i cant understand. Why would you vomit just as a bus pulls into a station when you know full well the toilet is within dashing distance? Why would you vomit just after the bus leaves the service station when you have had the opportunity for the last hour to use the toilet? Why would you compete with others to get as many nappy bags as possible to vomit into? Why when sat next to me WOULD YOU VOMIT EIGHT TIMES IN 3 HOURS?!?!?! At least a third of all bus members have vomited on both our previous bus trips, and its really starting to get to me. Look out the window, drink some water, breathe properly and man up. Please, because it smells.