We were discussing the difficulty of rolling a German "r" when the gates to Auschwitz II-Birkenau came into view. I couldn't tell you if my heart skipped a beat or if it started racing, but everyone in the van went silent upon seeing the railroad tracks leading to the gates. Even though "Arbeit Macht Frei" is the infamous sign for Auschwitz, Auschwitz II-Birkenau is what most people think of when they think of Auschwitz. It was here that selections took place on the train platform and whole groups of transports were sent immediately to their death in one of the gas chambers.

Dara had the vans stop about 100 meters away from the camp gate so that we could walk on the railroad tracks to the entrance. It was a really powerful and emotional experience—much more so than walking through the gate at Auschwitz. I'm not sure if it was the weather or the sheer size and destruction of the camp or the fact that I was already emotionally drained from the previous day, but Auschwitz II-Birkenau was much more difficult to deal with mentally than Auschwitz.

The first thing I noticed after walking through the camp's gates was how massive Birkenau is. The day before, I remember other members of our group commenting on how large Auschwitz was, but it didn't even come close to comparing to the size of Auschwitz II-Birkenau. After reading so much about the Holocaust, I've become accustomed to the numbers of people who died at Auschwitz... I would even go so far as to saying "too comfortable." But seeing the size of the grounds with the knowledge that it was overcrowded for a greater part of the camp's existence really helped me to emotionally grasp the destruction that occurred here in ways that films, books, and lectures have never been able to.

Our guide took us to a lavatory bunker first. The bunkers in Auschwitz II-Birkenau were wooden unlike the brick ones at Auschwitz and were originally intended to be used as horse stables. The lavatory bunker was so degrading... the facilities were not designed to accommodate so many prisoners, especially since they were only permitted to use them during 2 specific times in the day. Something so simple as using the bathroom when needed was taken away from the prisoners, and that wasn't even the tip of the iceberg.
We visited one of the bunkers with beds in it after the lavatory bunker. Our guide told us that the bunks were slanted so that they could fit in an extra bunk in every bunker (yet another instance of crazy German efficiency) and explained the hierarchy of sleeping: healthiest and strongest on the top bunks and the weakest, skeleton-like musselmen on the bottom.

Standing on the selection platform was exceptionally powerful. There is no way to ever understand what it must have felt like to have been released from the overcrowded hell of the boxcar into in even greater hell. Still, the realization of what occurred where I was standing was enough to make me want to be sick. There is a picture at one end of the platform, and when you look at it, you realize you are standing in the exact location of the photographer of the picture, a member of the S.S. who took the picture for fun. It was really errie to see the picture there after seeing it so many times on the internet or in books back home. I was literally standing in the exact same spot...

The rain started to pick up as we walked further into the camp, and was borderline pouring when we got to the ruins of Gas Chambers 2 and 3 and even more so when we got to 4 and 5. We also saw the building where prisoners who weren't sent directly to the gas chambers were registered. Inside one of the rooms is a really moving exhibit with photographs that eight or so different families brought with them to the camps. From one side of the wall you only see photographs, but on the other side of the wall you are able to read a bit about the families, where they came from, and what happened to them during the war.

After the registration building, our tour guide took us to one of the ponds where the Nazis would dispose of ashes. There are four memorial plaques there that read in different languages "To the memory of the men, women, and children who fell victim to the Nazi genocide. In this pond lie their ashes. May their souls rest in peace."

We finished the tour walking on the same path prisoners would on their way to the gas chambers. It isn't fair. Here I was, thinking about how my feet are cold and worrying that my camera might be wet when I was walking back. I was walking away from the gas chambers, and in half an hour or so I would leave the camp as well. Yet for any of the million of prisoners who walked the same path I did this morning, that was it. There was no going back. They never saw the sun or the light again. As hard as I try, even after 2 weeks away from the camp I still can't understand how humanity can be capable of such a horrible thing... part of the reason this blog is so late is because I've been trying to sort out what I saw and how I felt, but try as I might it still seems so impossible to describe.

Visiting Auschwitz may have answered many questions, but it asked even more.