The tremendous monsoon that drowned Negombo today cancelled the pool day we had planned as this city is just a stop over on our way down south. So what to do in a city where there is nothing to do/see? As you all should know by now there is always something and today the something to keep us occupied was self indulgence. We achieve this by eating a tonne of Sri Lankan curry, drinking Sri Lankan Lion beer and having a Sri Lankan Ayurvedic massage at a nearby spa. A great day but some more details are needed especially about the massage.
The "Massage" for us both was a very strange experience. Char got a male masseur that was so obsessed with her "long beautiful dark hair" that was just like Kate Middletons, that he sacked off his tension releasing duties and just played with her hair and put a platt with flowers in her hair. This you may not see as a very strange experience but Matt's story is a whole lot different.
Matt's Story
It's all started normally with the male masseur leading him in to a private room with a massage bed and all the things you would expect to see in such a place, then the guy said "I'll be two minutes please take off your clothes." In this situation you would generally just strip off to your underwear (boxers) but as Matt had some short swim shorts on he just took off his vest and laid on the massage bed face down. A minute or so passed by and the guy re entered and said "All your clothes off please sir." Matt was a bit surprised as there were no towels or sheets to hide his modesty but he did it while saying "I haven't got any underwear on you know!", in which he replied "Yes good." For a moment Matt stood stark naked in a room with the masseur wondering what happens now, before he pulled a sheet from behind his back and tied it around Matt's waste making a knot just above his rhythm stick. Bizarre. But wait it gets worse. The reason Matt usually leaves his boxers on is obvious, surely no masseur needs to go to those places. Or do they? In Sri Lanka apparently so. Matt spend the next hour and a half getting the most in depth massage with no knuck and cranny left alone. The first half when he was laid on his front wasn't so bad as only the Glut Emus Maximus was on show, at very most a slight bit a testicle. It was when Matt turned on to his back when it really got f#%ked up. Basically the guy saw no need for the towel and just tucked it to one side off Matt's meat and veg (Or Ray Vaughan and double trouble as commonly referred to) and carried on with his no stone (ball) unturned massage like it was normal. This lasted for at least 45 minutes with everything out in the open while talking about his family and kids and general conversation. When it was over Matt felt mildly raped/molested but then again what is so wrong with living in a world where two self assure men can't "hang out" with each other. If anybody is interested go to Jasmin Villa, Negombo, Sri Lanka for a £10 special.

The sunset beach walk held more surprises as it looked like it had been raining cats and rats all day. In fact it had. The disgustingly filthy, littered beach was lined with huge dead rats and a dead decaying cat that had a rope tied around its tail. Get us out of the parallel universe where unthinkable events are the norm.
M & C xxx