World famous adverts in New Zealand - since I arrived It seems that I have started writing and no longer seem how to stop, everything I have an opinion on, anything I see, anything that shocks me I want to share it here dear readers. So you may wonder with a look of total boredom on your face - "what the f*** is she going to bore us with next?" Well, that is easily answered, NZ TV. It would seem that NZ is trying to catch up with the larger western cultures by doing/having the same things, but because they are so much "younger" in years when it comes to development of this it can lead to a more open attitude to what they show on TV, which can be anything from the programmes to the adverts. This little nugget is going to hopefully shuffle you in the back door for a quick look at the craziness that goes on here! Firstly let's get the programming over and done with - regulations. In the UK if anyone as much as sneezes the wrong before 9pm there is hell to pay, right? I think people may be getting away saying "bloody" every now and again, but over here it doesn't really matter what time of the day it is language doesn't seem to be much of a barrier. Once it hits 7pm all bets are off, violence, language anything can happen. They put programmes like CSI Miami (crime with lots of rotting body shots) on early at night and then put more suitable programmes on when little people are in bed. Another regulation they don't seem to mind too much about it nudity - lets talk breasts and how much people seem to be offended by them. You can normally get away with showing all of the breast bar the nipple, for some reason this makes it "less offensive" (which drives me up the wall, hello! How many living things have nipples?? Why do people freak out about them?). Anyway, I was watching the 6pm news where there was a story regarding the Prince of Wales visit over here. Women were protesting because they removed a breast cancer screening mobile just cos he was passing thro. So, in protest they got their breasts out, the camera did not shy away for one moment, every angle and the entire nipple showing proudly. Fantastic!! So, on to the adverts - a brief introduction is that the reason these adverts are types here is because at the time of seeing them I have had to pick my jaw from the floor in complete shock, it comes back to the regulation thing again and what people are happy to put on their TV for children and other easily disturbed people to see. So here we go.... Imagine the scene, mum in the kitchen, healthy brood running in with smiles on their faces, all hungry and ready to snack. Mum pulls a muesli bar from the box and starts explaining the benefits, the kids get bored so run out again. Mum continues explaining why they are so good for her children when she slips on one of their toys and crashes thro the glass coffee table. Unbelievable, I had no idea it was gonna happen. So the voice over tells us to be aware of safety in the home whilst she lies there - TWITCHING!! Yes, not only is she all cut up but now she is twitching. I don't think I will ever eat another muesli bar again. Next - imagine the scene - husband and wife getting up in the morning, giggling (obviously got some good sexing last night), playing and generally mucking about. The husband gets into the shower and the wife gets ready. She shouts good bye but because of the water he can't hear. He goes to stick his head the shower when he slips, pulls down the shower curtain and lies there with his leg in a very unnatural bend. Again, the voice over warns us about safety around the home whilst the water continues to drum on the guys now very still body. After seeing these two adverts I wasn't sure I would ever be the same again. Normally home safety is about things you are aware of and do things to prevent. But these were accidents pure and simple and accidents involving things we do everyday, I have panicked every time I've taken a shower whilst home alone ever since! Imagine the scene, a youngish girl lying on her bed looking at her calendar. A date is circled about 10 days away and she is smiling. Next shot sees mother making a birthday cake and the girl tiredly waiting for the days to pass until her birthday. Finally the day arrives and we skip to her getting her ears pierced, the wince, the joy and the little sister looking on enviously. The tag line is "when did your love of Michael Hill jewellers start?" My god - this kid is like 13 and the thing she was looking forward to that much was getting her ears pierced so she could begin a love affair with this company? Damn, I obviously missed that bulletin when I was a kid cos birthdays were about fun, not jewellery. "Buy me something small this year..." the tag line to another advert by the previous company. A few weeks before Christmas it starts. With this gold bracelet, this silver necklace, this pair of ear rings, this diamond ring. I kid not, each of these items were huge in price, although I think the most expensive item I saw was a diamond ring that cost $18,000, around 6,000 quid. Who would be stupid enough to spend that much on one present?? Not me that's for damn sure, you'd be lucky to the ring from a cracker. Ok, next - an old lady is being shown around this very luscious apartment by an estate agents who knows this lady ain't gonna be able to afford it on her pension. He is discussing the features of the house in a tired-im-in-a-hurry voice and is getting the lady to follow around, a little slower, especially when it comes to the stairs. They head out onto the balcony where the lady coos in delight before pushing the estate agent over the edge, plunging to his death (I'm sure). The lady rubs her cracked old hands together with glee before we are told that we can upgrade to broadband for free if we hurry up. There is also a number of drink driving adverts, a series of them if you may. A few of them are actually quite harmless and even funny, but then there are the other ones. This one in particular stuck in my mind (and nightmares). A guy strolls out of a bar having had a few beers with his mates. He walks towards his car when his family appear before him in a dream like fashion telling him not to drive. He thinks about it and shrugs them off, so then a couple turn up saying that their son will be cycling past soon and they want to see him again. Then the ambulance people turn up, more people who would lose family members etc. Finally there are a good 50 people telling him not to drink and drive when he totally ignores him. He straps himself in and you see his taillights disappear before a huge crash sounds from the near distance, leaving your imagination to churn over the possibilities of who he has killed/maimed/injured and what the scene may look like. Now, I have always had a problem with people who dress their kids up like them. Mothers who are desperate for their child to look 15 years older than they really are, even if their real age is 4. It really does distress me, especially in today's world where people are waiting to take advantage of whoever whenever. We do live in a world where paedophilia is rife and so why do people want to dress up their kids to promote this even further?? Anyway, I was sat down watching a cartoon and the adverts cut in. Halfway through an advert bounces onto my screen where these girls, 4 of them no older than 11, are dressing up for a first date. I kid you not, but then come their clothes! One of the girls has a tiny skirt on, black fishnet type tights on, a leather jacket covering the smallest top I have ever seen. The song is playing in the background chatting about how its going to be a great night going on this blind date and how she needs to look her best and so on... for f***s sake she is 11/11, what the hell is she doing firstly going out this late at night on her own and secondly dressed like a prostitute!? I sat there for a further 30mins trying to get over what I had just seen. The advert was for a range of dolls called "bratz dolls". Who ever thought that selling these dolls with that image to our young kids was a good idea???? Whoever it was needs to have a good talking to before being slapped around by someone, geeze, will no one think of the children!!! Another sick advert - picture the scene, mother in the kitchen sorting out dinner when her lovely little son dives into the kitchen showing off his light sabre he made at school. She notes how great it looks and then tells him to go play whilst she finishes dinner. She continues but the background noise begins to rise from the lounge room. Mother sighs and goes to see what her son is up to. She enters the lounge to find the entire lounge destroyed by the son's light sabre. So as every good mother does she begins to tell him off, demanding that he hand over the light sabre, he says no, swipes it out of her reach but catchers her and slices her arm off from the elbow down. The voice over butts in "she wasn't prepared for that, but with ingam chicken you're always prepared for dinner". Cut to shot of mother handing out food with gorgeous tea towel covering the slightly shorter limb. Why you want to see food by cutting people's limbs off is beyond me and I have to say I have never wanted to eat that particular chicken since seeing the advert. The final advert I want to share with you is one that at first I thought was advertising a new film. A young couple are in bed when some very strange noises are floating through from the hall. A weird voice, odd sounds and so the guy wakes up to go and have a look for what is causing the noise. He steps out into the hallway where this female ghost pops out of nowhere (at this point I have lost control of all bodily functions as I sit pinned to the couch in fear). The guy runs off scared as hell and the ghost gives chase, running through walls etc when suddenly she goes to pass through a wall but rebounds off it and lays unconscious on the floor. The girlfriend turns up to find the ghost flat out on the floor and they look at each other in a concerned manner. The product is selling paint, paint for f***s sake! I nearly wet myself with fear and it turns out it's for paint. Geeze, these guys need their heads looking at. Oh, and this advert is screen throughout the day so people of all ages can enjoy getting scared out of their minds. So, as you can see, adverts in New Zealand leave a lot to be desired, or not. They scare, the induce vomiting, create mental health obsessions and continue to shock me each and every time I turn on my TV.