Who in their right mind wakes up one morning and says..... "Think it would be great to put an elderly, blind, overweight unfit woman on a motor scooter and send her out onto the highway!?%$#"

 Declaring right up front that it was a BAD BAD BAD idea but Mindy and Ian (with the support of Mac) voted this as the number one thing to do and sold this as the "pinacle" of the Whistler experience. 

Now that I think back on it - I don't recall seeing any other tourist doing this EVER!

Mindy and Ian literally ran down the mountain to throw their legs over those scooters. Mindy had been making phone calls for a month to ensure our booking was in place and had called in to the store many times to check out the scooters and had already picked out her favourite! They were ON FIRE for this adventure.

If only we had been able to find a path that went straight ahead FOREVER and we never had to make a turn I am sure the story would have been different. But that wasn't going to be.

Mindy had a map - and she had a plan! And both of these involved making turns (both left and right) and going out on the HIGHWAY.

Mindy, Ian and Mac zipped left, zipped right, went up hill at speed, went down hill at speed. They could look left and right and take their eyes off the dotted white line of the bitumen and enjoy the scenery. They were pointing out the sights, taking us to the edge of gullies and gorges, toured us through posh estates and laughed and shouted their way through the mountain roads at a blistering 60 kms an hour. They did intentional loop the loops, uturns. left turns and rights turns. When the road curved left, they turned left. If it turned right, they turned right. They effortlessly whacked the kick stands up and down - jumped on and off the scooters - and yahooed their way around Whistler and Creekside with narry a backward glance.

 In fact, they could change gears, change lanes, change speeds and change directions with intent and purpose. Think grace and precision.They were naturals. 

As for me - well...think the opposite of the above! I should have known from the very start when I had so much trouble even thinking about throwing my leg over the scooter. My right knee was reluctant to bend, my bottom was too big for the seat, the brake and the accelerator on the handles were easily confused AND my feet didn't reach the ground. Seriously, there were just so many indicators before we started that this was a BIG mistake, I really should have been more sensible.

 Guess I was caught up in the moment. Not for long.

The reality was ... my adventure was more focussed on the basics of keeping the scooter upright and making turns....well making intentional turns.

I saw nothing of the sights. My focus was on Mac's behind or the white line in the middle of the road. And in my eagerness to avoid crossing that white line and challenging the on coming traffic head-on, I found myself glued to the other white line and negotiated my way along the edge of the road and all the space that was associated with falling off the mountain!

So let's just cut to the chase. Things went from bad to worse when I found myself crushed under the scooter when I failed to successfully navigate the left hand turn at the stop sign. Yep, I managed to crash from a standing start. But at least I headed straight across the road and found the softest, sedgiest (made up word!) lawn that I could tear up with skid marks for my inelegant landing. After the three scooter geniuses realised that I was no longer part of the wagon train - they did return and rescue me (while suppressing fits of laughter!) And after the mandatory "Are you alright" they quickly went to "How could you possibly do that?" before returning the scooter to its upright position on two wheels and reassuring me that I would "Be fine."

 But that was only the beginning of the nightmare, because within three minutes of THE CRASH the first wobbly right turn was followed by another equally wobbly right turn and we were on the HIGHWAY. Yep, the Sea to Sky with all sorts and sizes of vehicles zooming by at 100 kph!  

 Holy s#^$t. Are you KIDDING me?

 After surviving the merge I found myself stranded in the left hand lane needing to make a right hand turn. ... three lanes over. 

 Holy s#^$t. Are you KIDDING me?

Was never going to happen. So I just stopped in the middle of the road, legs astride the scooter, clutching the handlegrips and screamed.

And that was it - I was on strike! A cold sore appeared instantly and I can't recall the rest. Sure Mac rescued me, but really have no idea.

 But from then on, it went something like this .....Mindy and Ian took off at 80 kph and conquered Blueberry Hill and the rest of the map highlights and (poor) Mac and I pushed the scooters around the perimeter of Blue Lake (because it is illegal to ride around the lake!) and enjoyed the low lights because there was no way I was hitting the highway ever, EVER, EVER again.

And so ends the adventure of the elderly, blind, overweight, unfit woman on a motor scooter who was sent out onto the highway. I spent the night curled up in bed suffering post traumatic stress syndrome and offering prayers of thanks that, because of a flight to Philadelphia, I would miss out on the downhill biking! Thank God for small mercies.

We did scrub up just a little and made our way to 21Steps for an amazing dinner. Somehow we bagged the best seats in the house and were surrounded by a buzzing crowd as we hoed our way through my farewell meal. Had the works - seafood, steak and desert. We finished it all with ease.

And on my last walk over the creek we were entertained by a trickster on his bike bouncing up and down on a seatless version of a mountain bike rock hopping along the wall. Wonder what he'd be like on the scooter!
 

PS I love you Melinda and Ian.
PPS Mac, you have a really nice butt on a bike....some of the best scenery of the trip.

Bear Sightings = 0

Total Bear Sightings = 13