A DENTIST FOR CHICKENS

DAY 1: London to Los Angeles

In search of the airline Holy Grail (aka free upgrade) and discussing our blagging tactics en route to Heathrow, we were lucky to even end up sat together on our flight as we arrived a bit late, courtesy of the ever reliable M25. Because of this there weren't two seats available together so we were forced into playing our 'we're on our honeymoon' joker card early on in our trip. After subtly dropping into conversation about 4 times that we were on our honeymoon, the lovely Virgin lady (that's who she works for, not her preferred sexual status) managed to 'sort us out' two seats together...next to a one year old baby - for an 11 hour flight! As it happens, he wasn't that bad and we did get extra leg room for being at the front, so happy with that in the end.

We touched down in LA after an entertaining flight (Virgin really know how to do long haul) to a rather damp and drizzly Los Angeles. But that didn't matter. Certainly not when you're about to face the fierce and intimidating US Customs Officer. Why is it that the more tense the border control, the guiltier you feel that you've done something highly illegal? Seriously, my sweat glands opened up, my throat closed up, I forgot why I was there and for how long and I forgot my job title - or at least what I'd put on the form as I don't have a job title at the moment.

We eventually got out of the airport without being convicted of something we hadn't done to pick up our no-frills-automobile. The first one we got in had a 12 inch split in the wind screen, I mean windshield, so we swapped cars and Jen navigated us to Santa Monica with ease.

We did notice a sign en route outside a building that said 'we cater for dentist chickens' which we both found extremely odd and quite amusing. We were in the US though. Then the penny dropped. This wasn't a place specialising in catering for dentists' chickens, nor was it a place catering for chickens who are dentists - it was a dentist who specialises in looking after people who are afraid of the dentist. In our defence, it was nearly 2am British time (6pm US time) and we were a bit disoriented.

After checking in we had a mooch around the immediate 'hood with the aim of staying awake for at least another three hours. Cue a hot chocolate and a malt milkshake in Rae's diner over the road - a classic stereotypical American diner which must have been in a movie at some point. Then it was back to our hotel to get our heads down with the hope of some sunshine in the morning.