No penguins yet, but I am sure the Wandering Albatross with the 12ft wingspan gliding outside the bar window is eyeing up my Martini! There's a lot of bloody sea out there to choose from so there must be something he is after and the way he keeps looking at me, then my martini, then back at me, it seems pretty obvious what it is. Maybe, just maybe, the Bloody Mary at 11, the champagne before lunch, the wine with lunch, the G&T during the lecture on discoverin...

I used to say that when I could afford to fly business class I wouldn't as there are much better things to spend money on, but as I sit here, in the back of the plane for the first time in 12 months I know that is a load of old b******s. I can handle the lack of champagne, I can even handle not having lounge access, but the screaming babies, the firm cramped seats and the fact that the bloke in front has reclined his so it is in my face just feels wrong. F...

I do not have Swine Flu. This may be an odd thing to mention as billions of others do not have Swine Flu either, but unlike billions of others, I have a certificate to prove it. This leads me to the top tip of the day. When entering Hong Kong with a bit of a sniffle, do not declare it on your entry form thinking that they will spot the red nose (sniffle + sun burn) and expel you for covering up a potentially lethal disease. The guys taking in the forms pay no att...

Western Australia is about the size of Europe and boasts a population of about 2m, 1.5m of whom live in and around Perth. The nearest big city is Adelaide (which isn't big), 2000km away. It took us 5 ½ hrs to get there and we crossed 3 time zones. In a nut shell, it's a very remote city, in a very big country surrounded by a lot of b***** all. A couple of days in Perth is nowhere near enough time to get a proper feel of the place, but it is long enough to kn...

Fate now sees me sitting in a 4x4 in a Australian Army training village outside Townsville, listening to the sound of a platoon attack, watching it progress on the bit of situational awareness equipment I am supporting……….on a Saturday morning. It could be worse - it is the only weekend I have worked in years, I can spend an hour or so on the beach each day and go for a run/swim, and each night I sleep in a nice hotel, with views out to sea and over to Ma...