Get a job you crusty student wasters....

Freeloading off the British Taxpayers so you are!

Here's one for ya:

I've got two bad habits, smoking, and masturbation. I'm a twenty a day man, and I smoke like a chimney.

He he he he

Hello Hayley (and Ian)

First of all we would like to congratulate Ian's friends for undressing him at your party...obviously this was the first time u saw him naked but myself and Laura have seen it numerous times before!!
We all miss u lots at work, especially seen as Laura is giving me all the rubbish jobs she used to give u! I even get to open the post and everything!!
Thought I'd let you know that I failed my driving test...apparently when the examiner says turn right at the roundabout it is not common practice to go into the left lane!!
Laura told me to tell you that you are invited to hers and Bruce's wedding (or Barry, whatever hes called) however he is yet to be told about the wedding in Las Vegas.
You look like you are having such a great time and the pics are really good. We are so jealous.
Take care and hope to hear from you soon
all our love Emma and Fry!!!
PS Big kiss to Ian...we love him long time!!!
PPS Sarah says hi and sends her love and will email you soon. She hates me and laura!!!!
PPPS We love Borat...he keeps us amused at work..please keep posting messages!

Hello Figi!
I m a bit slow and have only just noticed this message board thingy! Its very entertaining though - esp Borat - sneaky feeling thats my demented older brother tho! Hope you guys are having a fantastic time! We have put any wedding plans on hold until Hayley is back home and can be fitted with the best 12 - 13 year olds Debenhams bridesmaid dress we can find! Take care and give us a bell soon - we too are holding the vigils by the telephone! Ps easy on the bikini clad (and thats just Ian) pics of you cuddling in the sand - they made Auntie Rhona blush! Love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello there T'Child & Ian,
Just a quick not to say Hello and to let you know that Jonny and I are enjoying reading your journal and admiring your piccies (we aren't jealous at all, as there is currently a freak heat wave in Burnley and the Queen has given us all three weeks off work to sunbathe). I am a little concerned about the lack of sunscreen in Fiji. I think you should start improvising by rubbing mud on your shoulders instead (it works for the elephants)! Anyway, more to the point - have you had permission off Nurse McNamara to reduce to factor 30 so soon? Enjoy your travels and keep in touch. We love you loads xxxxx

PS - Congratulations Rachel and Kev xxxxx

Hello the Ian and a Hayleys!

Yes it is me! I hear you have landed in a Fiji. It make me laugh like a little girl, it sound like a place in Walt Disney book that you make up! But is ok, my uncle Vidivic he tell me it true and that the people are like a little midgets with a hairy faces! You must be careful, they bite like a little b****es!

I am still in your country of English. Is nice! I have learning many things about England culture that will make benefit for my country Khazakstan. We have a the traditional English bonfire at local park, they put a big dirty Jew called Guy on the fire and watch him burn. Happy Times! I tried to help with tradition by catching evil gypsies on fairground but I had beating stick removed by English man of law. He was a big a fat!

Back in my country of a Khazakstan my Mama is still a scared by the Jews with their big devil horns that a live at bottom of street. They cause a many problem! They try to lure my sister in house with a dirty jewish money and a slash her with their claws. We a pray that you are a succesful with finding cures!

Please I go now, I need to make toilet!

High Five, Borat

hello guy's sounds like your having a fab time. its good to see what your up to on the net things have changed since i was a lad. your not missing much here its freezing! one for ian,,, our team got beat yesterday 3 nil at west brom,,,, men against boy,s,,,,take care of yourselfs and have fun! xxxxxx

Hello there step bro,sounds like you and hayley are having a fab time!!!!Hope your not struggling to much with depression from being away from sunny old lancs...I don't know how the both of you are coping!!!!!!Ian I expect you to come back doing a tribal dance with a grass skirt on and a bone through your nose..you'll make the parents very proud coming back all culturised!!!(not sure thats a word!)
Hayley you could really do with making sure the food stays down and in, otherwise you may disappear altogether and that wouldn't board well with family and friends..I send some stomach settlers by shark!!Any way better stop there or there won't be room for anyone else to waffle on.Take care and look after each other,love Laura and Rach xxx

Hey, guys sounds like you are already having the time of your lives and you still have so much more to see and do!! Its great reading what you guys are up to and the photos of L.A were great, its wierd seeing you two there when i was there only three weeks ago. Keep having an absolute blast and stay safe! Lots of love Sam xx xx

Hey you guys!!!!!

Ian - I'm quite concerned. I notice from your photos that you seem to be favouring a rather scally looking vest. I'm worried it will start to smell soon if you don't find something different to wear - and you know my views on smelly travellers!!!

Anyway - looks like you're having a fantastic time. Don't worry about not phoning us yet. We'll carry on sitting by the phone longing to hear your voices ...... only joking - looking forward to reading your next installment (Ian - why aren't you making the computer geek do the technical stuff?!) Love ya loads - big bro and sis xxx

Hello my English friends, what what what!

I very much enjoy watching your photograph on the internet. It nice! My favourite is one with Ian in vest, sexy time, wa wa woo waa! We have many sad time since you left us, I cry. But it is ok, we have new friends now. They called Max and Stephanie and we practice the badminton together, I like. I recently bought a new pair of shorts, you would like them, they nice. My mama has recently write me and she has problem. There is family of evil jews bought house at the end of street. She ask to request you find a cure for the Jews on your travels as she is too scared to leave her hut. I will make it worth you while, I have two midget gypsies in a cage I am willing to trade. You will like them, they dance like a monkeys!

Please enjoy your trip. I like you.

Borat

Hi Ian/Hayley,

The photos are absolutely great. You must be having a terrific time !!
We got some photos of you both at the airport from your mum Hayley, they're also very good. Is it really a week since you left ?Seems like only a couple of days ago and we're already missing you both - lots !!

Anyway, looking forward to the next thrilling instalment - from Fiji !
Have a safe Journey.

Take care of each other.

Loads of Love
Dad & Carole.