So the plan was simple - chill out on some deserted islands before making our slow and steady incline up SE Asia's tallest mountain - that was until yours truely landed herself with a bout of food poisioning; putting an end to thoughts of beaches and making the climb - well, a bit of an anti-climax! And apart from meeting some great guys to share the agony with us; Mount Kinabalu was too much like hard work! From the ridiculous 3am start time to the mind numbingly steep gradient; from the bloody freezing temperatures to the pounding our muscles were to remind us of for the next week! And we were'nt even rewarded with a spectacular view; all we got was clouds and rain!!

But we're over that now and have more than rewarded ourselves with 2 glorious weeks in the Phillippines! And after fretting about the bashing the north of the country has taken with the recent hurricane 24 hours before our arrival and the civil unrest of the south we swiftly ultered our flights to drop us right in the middle; to Cebu and its gorgeous Vistays islands surrounding it. The flight over was smooth enough but the delay of the connecting flight meant we were lumbered in the country's sex capital, Clark awaiting our 5am connection which was delayed and delayed and then delayed some more. When it finally did tip up James had the urge to relieve his dodgy bowels to the annoyance of the air steward who harrassed him by standing outside the toilet, then inside the toilet where upon asking James how long he would be, James announced to everyone in ear shot; 'I don't know I'm taking a S**t!!'. Needless to say we got some really strange looks but it was wel worth the giggle!!

Our giggling and the lack of sleep contributed to us arriving at our island destination of Malapascua with only $25 worth of pesos and no ATM in sight! That kind of money goes a long way out here, considering the average wage of its residents is a pound and a bottle of Rum is a mere 40p! (A relief after the muslim restrictions imposed on Alcohol in certain areas of Malaysia!) But the supposition that we would spend 4 days on this gorgeous island was slowly fading! Until the Angels sent us a marvellous little beachside establishment that took Visa and along with it a guy named Terry who was to take us under his wing for the next 4 days. Terry introduced us to the locals who showed us so much hospitality during our stay. We lived like kings; flittering from rounds of crazy golf (James' tacky idea!), plunges in heaven sent pools, side splitting kareoke sessions, childrens birthday parties, grand openings of hotels and the infamous Saturday night Malapascua disco - its venue being a basketball court and its 'courting' rituals being the bidding for local girls to share a dance and a smooch with (embarrasingly the 3 girls sequestered for this event were left with no takers!!). And with all these events came free San Miguel, free coctails, free buffets, free hog roasts and (our personal favorite) free homemade Baileys! Yummy!!

Everyone was wicked in our cash flow crisis and we met such lovely people who welcomed us in true Phillippino style! (Here's a shout out to Terrific Terry, Shakey Johnny Walker, Lorna, Rose, Steve, Christine, Little Tyrone and even littler Tommy, Annan, Marcus (the quite frankly dirty pervert German girly bar owner who only got the pleasure of our company cos he was handing out free Caiprinhas! And to all the boat men who wouldnt get the message that 'No we have no money for your bloody boat trips!!).

Apart from spending our days as social butterflys, we made the attempt to take in one of the islands renowned dive sights; a WWII ship wreck. Armed with our masks and snorkels we found our way to the beach only to be attacked by hundreds of jelly fish! A lot of splashing around later and with futile attempts to wee on ourselves (no we haven't turned to sexual deviants - the acid in your pee neutralises the alcaline in the stings - or so we've been told!), we wondered back back to the sanctuary of the pool armed with the knowledge that its far safer to spend the days being lazing and thinking of all the productive things you could be doing than attempting something that ultimately leaves you with a right old sting in the tale!!

From the beautiful island of Malapascua we headed down to Bohol, home to the Tellytubby inspired 'Chocolate Hills' and (of course) more lush beaches! We took full advantage of it being low season by getting into an amazing hostel with every possible amentity and, being the only guests, it was like having a Spanish Villa all to ourselves.

After exploring the world famous chocolate hills, paying a visit to the worlds smallest monkeys (so bloody cute!) and seeing the scenery on a tranquail river cruise (tranquail that is until a bunch of Mormons got aboard and tried to convert us - from what athesism?!!). After making a quick exit it was time for another one when we stopped at the side of the road to watch a squeeling piggy getting the weighing treatment; after trying to work out what it was in aid of we soon had matters clarifies for us when a guy with an axe turned up to clarify matters for us! Hense the quick exit and the squeels ringing in our ears even as we tucked into our Pork satays that evening!!!

Bohol is home to schools of dolphins so we got up mega early to catch a glimpse of these graceful creatures, we also stopped of at some stunning deserted islands for a spot of solitary sunbathing and wicked snorkelling. The snorkelling turned out to be more wicked than we had intended when a big fish decided to take a chunk out of James' foot! It was hilarious at first watching this fish coming at us, but it all changed with the sight of blood! The irony of the whole thing is we've swam with fish the size of humans, schools of sharks, been attacked by jelly fish and this ba***rd fish has made us scared to don our flippers again!! I'm sure we'll be over that when the delights of the Indonisian seas tempt us back!!

We were gutted to leave the Phillippines and even more gutted that our flight to Singapore left us with another over-nighter in the skanky capital Manilla and even skankier sub district, Angeles. Renowned for its ultra seedy sex scene and dirty old men, we decided to pay it a visit, well you can't knock it until you've tried it! We can safely say now that we've seen it that the place lives up to everyone of its awful reputations; the strip was packed with lots of (barely there) men with so many gorgeous girls for their every whim. We did get a taste of the other side of things though when we stopped into an internet cafe where we got talking to lots of the working girls and (lady)boys. These girls had their screens teaming with webcam images of all their men from around the world, who, they are quite happy to admit, they milk for cash! We had such a laugh at the tales of depravity and it made us happy to know that these girls may not be doing the greatest jobs in the world but they have manipulated their situations so they are quite literally in the driving seat! You go girls!! And if we're honest these girls do us a great service by keeping these sexual deviants out of our hair!!!

But alas that brings us to the end of our Phillippine adventure! Next up we have the chaotic city of Singapore, fear not we'll be safely back in beach heaven when we get to Indonisia in a few days!! Can't wait!!!

Hope you guys are enjoying the toastie evenings in front of the central heating with mountains of hot chocolate and uber delicious British comfort food!!! We're missing it I promise!!