Finally after weeks of neglect I’ve dragged myself away from the obvious pulls of the sun, sea and sand to fill you in on all the news here in stunning Indonesia. And although you may think that our month here would be spent crisping up our tans under the baking heat of the sun or training for our attempt to break the record for the worlds longest lie in, or indeed perfecting the best sunbathing position in order to maximize the sleeping potential for a day on the beach. Or maybe all you cynics out there reckon our days have been filled with massage after massage on beautiful beaches, splashing around in crystal clear, turtle infested waters or in a general state of horizontalness!! Well of course all the above applies but we’ve also got a few tales to tell as well…

Our first destination was Bali and the commercial pull of Kuta beach with its buzzing nightlife, surflife, beachlife and (my personal fav) shopping!! And despite warnings that Kuta would prove too commercial for the likes of us, I’ve gotta say the franetic nightlife and surfer vibe (and the shops!) were the perfect intro into life Indo-style. We took great advantage of the low season with bargains galore both in the bars and the shops. We also made friends with fun loving locals and did some irreparable damage to our livers with the filthy local spirits. After a few days of partying we took ourselves off on a motorbike to discover that there’s heaps more to Bali besides hedonism and hangovers!!...

Our first discovery was not one of cultural enlightenment as we’d first envisaged, no it was that the Indonesian Police are corruptible b******d’s! Five minutes after setting off we were pulled over for having our headlights on. Ok, so we turned them off, I flutered my eyelashes, gave my most flirtatious apology and thought that was the matter done with. But no, my feminine charms were not enough to persuade this old billian to let the matter drop; he tried to issue us with a fine which I threw back in his face along with lots of expletives and we made a run for it!
But this wasn’t a one off incident, oh no, in the next hour we were summonsed to pull over four times! By the third attempt to rinse us white tourists we made like Thelma and Louise and left ‘em standing! It was only later, when we’d eventually reached the cultural bliss of Ubud, and picked up our travellers bible (aka. The Lonely Planet) that we read that should this happen you should put up, shut up and very definitely pay up! I’m just glad we had the balls (and maybe the stupidity) to defend ourselves in the face of the law!

Nevertheless, we had made it to the sanctuary of beautiful Ubud with its Rice Terrace backdrop setting the scene for a few days of cultural splendity. With heaps of galleries teaming with gorgeous art work and shops packed with everything from didgeridoos to stone carvings; this was the place to pick up those soveniers to be treasured for their lifetime of memories.
Whilst here we visited a stunning temple complete with waterfall and although the dress code required even James to don a sarong Beckham stylie it was a pleasant surprise to see the locals enjoying the opportunity to cool down whilst bearing all! We didn’t quite follow ‘suit’ but we got a splash around as well…

The Indonesian culture is so spiritually intricate; upon cheacking into our guesthouse in Kuta we thought we were very special to have a temple in our garden before realizing that having a temple is akin to having a pond in England; everyone has one! Also normal throughout the Hindu-Indo world are the offerings that are placed outside every door (a b***** to stand on!). Still it was a shock though, as I was lazing on our rice paddy verander to have myself doused with holy water and clouded with insence, in a daily blessing conducted on our room! ‘Bloody Hell’ I said without realizing the blasphemous quality of my little outburst!

So from Ubud we made our way to Amed, famous for its black sand; a remnant of the recent volcanic eruption, of which the culprit looms over the quant little seaside town. Our plan was to visit Japanese and American WWII shipwrecks. That was until the trademark motorcylcle burn I’d obtained in the Phillippeans had gone septic. We had to go to the only doctor in the village which was situated in a dirty, stinky fish market! I practically had to beg the doctor for antibiotics as his recommendation to leave it to heal by itself, with hundreds of fly constantly sucking the puss I’m sure would have led to an amputation!! But wreck diving we did and I’m happy to report that my leg is still intact! (although James’ fish bite is scarily slow in healing… Maybe he caught the lurgey?!)

From Amed we took in the sweet coastal road to lovely Lovina. Where we were unindated with heaps of locals welcoming us whilst checking into our beach front hut. We were invited to party after party by our newfound friends and were puzzled as to why they were bestowing so much attention our way. It soon became clear that it wasn’t so much our company they were after, oh no, after the pleasantaries came the offer of sarongs, necklaces, dolphin sculptors, dolphin watching, ornaments, magic mushrooms and marijuana! Everywhere we were hounded by “Kassie, you wanna buy sarong?” and “James, ticket to the moon? Mushrooms?”! In the end it was all a little tedious and so we found refuge in the 5* resort next door where we cheekily paid a quid to use their luxury facilties for the day and we reaped their hospitality from 8 in the morning till 7 at night, whilst our fellow poolside bathers were paying $100 for the pleasure! (We did however adopt the Chanty Gawp for these hawkers, of which all you Beehive crooners will be aware!!)

From Lovina we headed through the highlands of Bali, where we were to see yet more rice paddies, volcanos and a waterfall or two. The walk to one such waterfall was lined with hawkers selling their wares. Rolling our eyes we made our way down empty handed, however we came back up carrying 4 huge carrier bags containing wooden statues, paintings, throws, incense, jewellery, masks – James even bought a vile chest of drawers “cos they were cheap” (obviously not under my jurisdiction!!).
So we had to sack off the rest of our days plans and head straight back to Kuta with myself and half the contents of MFI precariously dangling on the back of the bike!

After a few days back in Kuta we started another expedition,this time to the Gilli islands off Lombok, opting to stop at the sleepy town of Paddenby to split the 13 hour journey in two. This little fishing village is famous for its mega cheap seaside dining. What it is not famous for is its bottle wielding madmen, but we got a slice of this kinda action when two locals started a scrap in a beachfront bar. It was hilarious watching the two (quite frankly, wimpy) drunks running around a table of German tourists after each other. Even more hilarious when one of these tourists got her t*** out in the affray! God knows why, but there they were for all to see! Two deranged lunatics + hysterical waitresses + a pair of knockers = James and I wetting ourselves laughing!

But we got to Gilli Trawangan without any injury and were instantly rewarded with a paradise island, where we can safely say ‘heaven is a place on earth’, and with that drop of hedonism which we love so much! Here we met a guy called Ping who was to be our landlord for the next 10 days and who gave us a baragin price on a beautiful bungalow cos he liked our company so much! Our slice of luxury was situated on a stunning beach with turtle filled waters and Thai-style bars.
We met a guy here who’d abandoned his wife saying he had an ear infection so couldn’t fly home for two extra weeks so he could chill out on Gilli T a while longer, and it was easy to see why; with so many great parties and so many wicked people we really found it hard to say goodbye. The place is bursting with so many great memories; for it was here that I met a fashion designer who was looking for a model for her new clothes range. I was so chuffed to be asked to pose for her next advertising campaign! Images of Chanel photo-shoots in Gucci-esque locations with Prada style clothes were swirlling around my head... Imagine my disappointment then when she unveiled her over 50's, plus size clothing line!! And she had the cheek to tell me that I was too skinny! Well you didn't really expect me to fill a size 18 did you?! It was a giggle nevertheless and it was the closest i've ever come to resembling my mum in that maroon ensemble!! Even less glamourous was having to costume change on a moving boat with the fisherman's eyes on me! We did get a great big feast for all our trouble though. But alas, i'm still dreaming of chanel... And dreaming even more of a return to the Gilli's for a little while longer...

Once back at 'base camp'; Kuta we did what any sane person would do when leaving SE Asia after 8 months; we went shopping!! And (thanks to the help of our great new friend Robbie) we now have a HUGE package slowly winding its way back to England filled with goodies!
And after such a long stint in Asia's surfing capital our plan was to take to the waves ourselves, until upon checking our flight details, James discovered we were leaving a day early! To say we were manic was an understatement and in the rush to get our stuff organised our surfing session was abandoned. And now we find ourselves in Oz with not an ounce of surfing knowledge and with wicked waves all around us!
But persuvere we must, and with the diverse and dramatic landscape to come we'll be throwing another shrimp on the barbie, getting the tinnies in the esky's, and going crazy for our next 3 months in this awesome country...