Due to us booking late, we couldnt get on the same fight as the rest of the gang, so myself, Shane and Emma leave the Wild Rover a little bit later in the morning and head to ther airport. At this stage, the gang should already be in the jungle from their earlier flight, so we have to make some time up. The traffic was crazy at that earlier stage of the morning but knowing how they drive in South America, the driver manages to get us to the airport on time. The way they drive is just atrocious, how theres not more killed I will never know. Wing mirrors, what a wing mirror? Theres a gap, go for it. Their cars are in s***e, there falling apart both mechanically and in physical appearance. They couldnt give a s***e how much they abuse their cars. Anyways, out we get of the taxi and we're at the highest airport in the world at 4,200masl. I wasnt going to bring a small bag with me, as the last time I was in the jungle, I got soaked and had no spares, so I was bringing all with me this time. The bag weighed in at what I knew it was, 18kg, presuming of course that the plane would have no problem with that weight. Out the door we go and were met with the plane to bring us to Rurrenabaque. It was so small that it looked like it was put together with pieces that you'd collect each week from the Cornflakes boxes. It was tiny and there was only seven of us on the plane, single aisles either side of the plane, with enough room to spread a hankerchief out. The two boys in control of this plane hopped into the cockpit and off we go. Poor Emma went mute altogether, so she did. I was sitting across from her and Shane was in front so we thought that it would be great to start messing whilst the pilot and co-pilot watched videos on their iPads.

Me: Here Shane, look at this, "bleurgh"

Shane: Haha.

Shane: Here P, you push the button.

Me: No, no, no Shane, you push the button for the landing gear.

Both: Hahaha!!

Emma: Please, please, please, will you two just shut the f*** up!

It turns out, Emma doesnt like flying. If I had known that I wouldnt have started the banter but Shane, shame on you, tut tut tut.

We land in the jungle, in a town called Rurrenabaque leaving the mountains and high altitude behind and to now embrace the heat and humidity of this jungle town. The landing strip is made of tarmac but as we pull into the 'airport' which is basically a glorified garden shed, the runway turns to grass. The lads are waiting for us under the shade of a tree in a Toyota Landcruiser, so thats supposed to be luxury right? Eh, no. It was clapped out to the high heavens with a bench seat running through the back. How we didnt get piles from that jourey I will never know. The lads are there sweating it out after a heavy night on the sauce the night before, so not a great idea as Remy found out. He had his bags packed and thought it was in the taxi when they left, but alas it wasnt. Remy was the trendiest looking guy in the jungle for those few days thats for sure! The journey by jeep was down a dusty road, potholled everywhere which took around 5 hours to get to a town called Santa Rosa where we were to have lunch and where we got the chance to massage our coccyx. Just down the road, the river appeared and we got out to get onto our boat to start the Pampas tour.

The boat was a long, narrow dug out type of boat about ten metres long with each of us sitting two abreast. The boat ride took another two hours to get to our lodge but it was thoroughly enjoyable as we watched all sorts of animals and birds hanging around along the shores of the Rio Yacuma. The waters were full of caymen and alligators, they were everywhere with their little eyes and snouts just about the water line. Rosario our driver thought it would be great to drive the boat over into the mud where all the alligators were. Sher this was great craic to everyone else on the boat, expect for me who was at the front of the boat, on me todd, my camera in hand. The cries of "shtop, shtop, shtop" didnt work and the jeers and laughter from behind me made it even worse, egging on Rosario to go further into where the alligators were. As we went further down the river, we could see huge pelicans in the high tree and two elusive toucans. Down along the river a crazy looking bird that looked like a chicken but wasnt, eyeballed us. In the quiet waters of the larger lakes along the Yacuma, we stopped and waited for the Bolivian river dolphin in both colours, grey and pink to show their faces. Their a funny creature, not like the ones that you'd see in the ocean who want to play and what not, for these fella's arent as curious and therefore harder to spot. Further down the river, some lodges come into sight and eventually ours, Fluvial lodge. I get out of the boat first and then Shane and Emma behind me. The food and supplies are then handed from the back of the boat, all the way to the front, through Shane and Emma's hands, safely to the rivers shores whilst I tied the boat up. We were to be at the lodge for three days, there wasnt any shops around, so looking after the food was quite the priority. Everything made it from the back of the boat to the front, except for the fifty or so eggs we had on board.

"Here, Shane, Emma, the eggs"

"What?"

Smash!

All the eggs, smashed on the ground, burst everywhere, shells covered in muck! I remember Shane not moving for about four seconds after realising what had happened whilst Emma was down on her knees trying to salvage the unbroken ones and washing the dirt from them.

Some yokes, those two. Serious crack altogether. That was our dinner plans scramlbed. We'd have to poach more eggs from another group. That was Shane and Emma's egg carrying skills fried. All was well in the end, we looked on the bright side, sunny side up! Laughter was had in clutches! (ye didnt clutch them very well, did ye)!

The lodge is built back up on the mud shore on stilts some two metres off the ground but theres still plenty of alligators in the vacinity, so I'm sure that there could have been the possibility of a visit during the night if one left their digestive biscuits out for one and all. We settle into our room, a small dorm with us wedged into ever ounce of space, complete with our own mossy nets. We have dinner later which is suprisingly good and after we head out under the cover of darkness for some caymen spotting. The caymen and alligators are nocturnal hunters so going out with the motor low and a torch that could put a spot on the moon, we were bound to see some that night. Again, I'm at the front of the boat on my ownio, and what frightens the s***e out of me is only tiny fish that like to preform the high jump at night, landing at my feet in the boat after a wonderful vault from the river. Rosario has the torch and he's spotting the reptiles both left and right and of course he's up to his old tricks again complete with hilarious giggle and drives us, well me, straight into where the caymens and alligators are residing for the night. It was great fun, a real frightener and something different thats for sure.

Back in La Paz, myself and Shane had to buy wellies as we werent sure they'd have our size at the lodge. I wasnt going to foot turf with no wellies, thats for sure and neither was Shane for that matter! The wellies werent for the bog, but for going on the hunt for an anaconda, the largest of the constrictor family of snakes on the planet with some of the adults growing to 30ft in length. Thats the size of a bus. We take the boat down to this little opening in the mud, walk up the edge and into the grass. The grasses are 4-6ft high and as we plough through it, going deeper and deeper into the pampas, the water level rises to just below the top of my wellies, so thankfully I managed to stay dry. The stink was ferocius with the rotting undergrowth and stagnant water everywhere. Cattle sometimes graze the land here but their fools, as its an anaconda's prime territory. The area that we're walking through is huge, so we all spread our and search for one of these bad boys. Rosario has given us tips, so that if we find one, we must grab it by the tail and hold on to it as finding them is difficult and we dont want to let one get away. After hours and hours, we're hot, dirty and sweaty at this stage, when one of the guys close by lets a yell out that they have one. Brilliant! Like a dirty version of David Hasslehoff still clothed, we burst throught the water-filled grasses over to where the slippery snake had been found. It was a young anaconda however it was two metres in lenght so it was nothing to joke about. It was just lying on top of some dry grass sunning itself when some human being yoinked him from his slumber. He's a slippery b****** as some of us found out, as we dangled him to the ground for photographs. I didnt appreciated the snake s*** coming from his rear end all over my hand either, the dirty b******.

This had been my second time in the Amazon. I had seen all the animals I wanted to see now, except for that sleepy sloth and the night fanatic himself, the jaguar.

The following days on the pampas we spent chilling out in the afternoon sunning and going piranha fishing. Using small reels and meat as bait, they were still a tricky fella to catch. Their also not what everyone thinks, thats just too much Hollywood for you. Yeah, they have big teeth but their only attracted once they taste blood, a bit like the tastes of a shark. A few were caught by the boat along with a small catfish and other small fish not worth talking about that were fired on the BBQ once back at the lodge. The sunsets and sunrises there were also lovely, the pampas looking like a vast field with the sun arriving and departing with some wonderful colours on show. Our three days in the pampas was up after having an amazing time there. Highlights such as catching the anaconda rate highly for me but also does the times with Remy getting bitten on the hand by the snake, Gill and Remy feeding an alligator called the 'Trashman' with cold pancakes and last but not least Remy and Gill again playing and getting bitten by a river dolphin. You can see videos of that hilarity on my youtube page, bulacasey!

Back in Santa Rosa, we wait an hour for Dimitri our jeep driver to bring us back to Rurrenabaque. We dread the road back as its that same, horrible, bumpy 3-5hr slog we had been on a few days before. Dimitri's jeep was clapped out as I've said, but regardless he didnt care and drove like a granny incase he'd break it even more. There was two instances along the journey where two small leaf springs fell out from under the jeep so I suppose I can understand his cautious driving methods.

Rurrenabaque is a smallish town situated on the side of the Rio Beni, home to a few thousand inhabitants. We stayed there for one night before getting up the next day to get back on another boat to head down the Beni and into the jungle this time. The journey took three and a half hours to get down the river, through strong currents to where our lodge was based. The idea behind this part of the tour was to enjoy the smaller things the jungle had to offer, insects, spiders, the amazing plants and natural medicines that could be found there too. It was hot there also, so getting shade was a priority beating the flies off us as we did. The camp was run on a generator for electricity so once dinner was cooked it was candlelight and darkness for the rest of the night.

We went for a night walk through the jungle that surrounded the camp to see what we could using our guides strong torch. All the advertisements for the jungle have a photo of a jaguar on it so if we could spot one in the trees, I'd be as happy as a pig in s***e. Unfortunately, this wasnt to be the case. Im guessing due to tourism with more and more people around that it probably high tailed it and moved to a more quieter part of the jungle. Yeah, their hard to spot but come on, atleast pop your head out for a minute or so with your curiosity! We saw poisonous snakes hanging from the trees, fire ants building their homes, amazing types of spiders that looked brilliant in the darkness illuminated by a camera flash and when we arrived back at the camp, a lonesome tarantula was standing in his little web strewn hole in the tree for us to have a goo.

I had a horrible nights sleep that night, shouting and roaring during some awful nightmares but up we get for breakfast and after head back out into the jungle during the daylight for another hike to see what we could find. Our guide was well clued in as he showed us the natural medicines the jungle had on offer. One that stands out for me, being the stem of a flower, that when opened and rolled out was a jungle band-aid. He made bamboo shooters for us all and when used with a particular berry could inflict quite the p**** We come across the gigantic sabre tree which has roots that grow overground for metres and metres. The indio's that live or used to live in the jungle used to use it as a telephone. As as tall and strong looking as it is, its hollow inside, so when whacked with a machete it gives out a loud boom. Numerous timed whacks, all known by the indio's, would then translate to a language simialar to morse code. All very interesting. And one point made by Emma 'Attenborough' Forde, was that the Sabre tree was used as the idea for the film "Avatar", as the locals also believed due to its height and hollowness that it was a link to the underworld. Fascinating stuff.

We arrive back in Rurrenabaque after two days and one night in the jungle, after having a great time amongst nature, it was now time to get back to civilisation. The flight back was in a larger plane, a small jet if you will, so we all felt a bit more secure about our means of transport. The plane took off from the jungle and in forty minutes we were landing back in La Paz but now it was me that was anxious about the flight. Its not often that you have to fly 'upwards', with no downward motion to get your destination, so when I looked out of the window in the grey clouds, a gap opened and all I could see was jagged white tipped mountains not one hundred feet below. We land safely but there was definately a pampers moment there for sure.

Back to La Paz, for yet more debaucery!