José the Jackal

We arrive in San Augustin on a six hour journey which is described by various sources as "the worst road in Colombia". I would say that puts it in the Top 10 world wide, although I have been to Africa as well. The road is only 100km but is like driving over a ploughed field which ends suddenly in a cliff. It is made worse by desperately requiring the toilet for 4 of the 6 hours and my bladder can feel every bump and jolt from the shock absorber deprived back seat of the collectivo.
This is only our second journey in Colombia but also the second for which we were advised to travel during daylight hours due to the risk of armed guerrillas.

When we arrive we immediately meet José *, who is a very special guy pretending to be an official tourist information agent. He isn't, but before you know it he is taking us on horseback to see the ancient stone monoliths in the lush green mountains surrounding the Magdalena river. We visit El Tablón and the La Chaquira stones. We bond with our nicely behaved horses.

The scenery is amazing. Every centimetre of the lush Magdelena Valley is cultivated with tropical fruits, shrubs and trees. Bananas, coca, cacao, lulo, sugar cane, corn, coffee, maracuya, guava, mango, papaya and so on.

We chat a lot with José and he explains that he has some authentic pre-colombian artefacts. Your Uncle José, is, you see, a real life guacero (or grave robber). He takes us back to his house afterwards to try to swap various ceramics and gold trinkets for any items of worth we might have. He has got his eye on my Swiss Army knife but I won't part with that. You never know when it might save your life.

José also proudly shows us his recommendations book. This is his own personal offline little tripadvisor booklet, full of handwritten reviews from travellers from all over the world. The first page is from an Aussie: "Who's the man? José is the man!" He convinces us to do the full day jeep tour and another special tour tomorrow. We won't have time to visit the national park. I start to wonder, are we the only tourists to have visited San Augustin but not visit the Parque Arqueological Nacional? What does this say about us?

On the jeep tour we see beautiful waterfalls and we walk inside some excavated tombs. We are treated to yet more world heritage sites when we visit the monoliths at Alto de las Piedras and Alto de Los Idolos. Then we ditch the jeep tour in favour of the special tour and end up getting a bit lost in the woods after dark. What's that dark shadow moving towards us in this dark forest? Heart shuddering I reach for the penknife in my pocket. It approaches. With great relief we see it is Uncle José.

It's a mad rush to make the overnight bus to Bogota but we get there, somehow.

San Augustin is definitely worth a visit. If you do go there, remember to drop in on my Uncle to say hi.

* names have been changed to protect the innocent