After a sleepless night chasing mice we were up at 4.30am to make the long drive into Malawi. Stopping at the border to exchange our monies for the local Kwatcha, our guide told us the most favourable exchange rates would be on the black market and invited a vendor he'd used before onto the bus. Prepared for some dodgy dealings, we were busted the moment an exchange was made! Kevin was at the front of the bus and the first to change money, but as soon as he handed over his Tanzanian Shillings, an undercover policeman jumped on the bus, apprehending the vendor and confiscating his wad of notes! We escaped with a telling off and once the policeman had escorted the vendor from the bus we headed into the border offices to get our visas. Minutes later, the vendor reappeared on the other side of the border, grinning like a Cheshire Cat having bribed the policeman to turn a blind eye to his illegal money changing! Just to be on the safe side we decided to get our money changed elsewhere and in the end found much better rates at the official exchanges. Around 6pm we rocked up at Chitimba Beach - a quaint little campsite on Lake Malawi - but after such a long and tiring day there was little chance to enjoy it with another very early start impending.

The following day, we arrived in Kande Beach - supposedly a tour highlight - just before lunchtime. Set on Lake Malawi and overlooking white sandy beaches, our accommodations were basic but spacious beach huts on a large campsite featuring an enormous open-air bar. Soaked in sweat after the long and extremely hot drive we dumped our packs and jumped straight into the lake for a swim. Thoroughly refreshed we enjoyed a pasta-salad lunch before hiring a boat to go snorkelling by a small island 200m away on the lake. Negotiating with the local beach-boys, we dismissed out-of-hand the ludicrous initial price of $20/person before settling on a more reasonable $10pp. With 8 of us sharing that still seemed a little high but we were keen to get out there as soon as possible to make the most of the day. Hiring from the beach-boys was always going to be hit-and-miss and sure enough when the boat turned up there were only 6 sets of goggles and 4 snorkels - naturally we were 'assured' the rest of the equipment would follow us out to the island! With 3 locals manning the oars and 1 steering we were bombarded with questions. It was all very friendly but we couldn't help thinking we were being buttered up for the hard sell! On the island, more beach-boys were waiting with shoulder bags full of bracelets, key rings, paintings and t-shirts, but we did our best to ignore them as we swam in the lake and jumped off the rocks. The extra snorkelling equipment never did show up - no surprise there! - but in truth there wasn't a lot of sea-life to look at and we were happy enough to float around in the cool waters. By the time we left, half of the group - including Kate - had already agreed to buy something from the beach-boys, their persistence paying off in the end! Back on the mainland we watched the sunset from the bar with a few cold ones before dinner. Heading straight back to the bar as soon as we were done eating, we managed a shockingly late bedtime of 10pm!

The next day, half of the group went on a tour of the local village, while the other half (including kate) stayed at the campsite to relax. Before we'd even left the complex we could see scores of beach-boys waiting for us outside the gate, ready to pounce like predators going in for the kill - and sure enough, as we stepped out, we were picked off one-by-one! Brown Bread, Wise Man, Lucky Boy, Mel Gibson - each of them used ridiculous fake names to introduce themselves before 'keeping us company' for much of the tour and chattering away like we were all best mates. I can't remember what mine called himself but the patter was all very familiar - my parents are dead, I live with my grandparents; I'm trying to pay my way through college; I want to be a doctor/accountant; blah blah blah - , the stories identical to those I'd heard the day before on the way to the island. It was friendly and good-natured and in a way it all felt like a bit of a game but while there's no doubting that most people in Malawi live on the breadline, its hard to feel any sympathy in these cases when its next to impossible to believe a word they say!

When we reached the main points of interest on the tour - the village, the school, the hospital - the beach-boys thankfully left us alone and instead we were mobbed by poverty-stricken kids desperate to hold our hands and hoping for their own piece of the action - a biscuit, a pen or even some money. At the hospital, a solitary nurse gave us the lowdown on the local medical care and at the school the headmaster did the same for local education. But again it was hard to separate fact from fiction. Certain things we'd seen and heard didn't really add up and it was becoming very easy to be cynical about the whole tour. Each talk finished with a plea for donations and coincidentally both institutions needed gifts of $10 - mosquito nets and school uniforms apparently costing exactly the same! Not convinced by either I gave the hospital $10 and the school some notebooks and pens - if it's genuine I've done something to help, if not then some corrupt doctor had himself a great night out at my expense!

Just before we got back to the camp, the beach-boys finally got to the punch line and dragged us over to look at their wares. My guy was desperate to show me how to play a local game called 'Bao', in the hope that I'd buy one of the boards he'd 'carved himself'. Part of his selling strategy may have been letting me win but unbeknownst to him I'd already seen these games in various markets and I knew what I wanted and how much I wanted to pay! He started at $30, I started at $10. And while he haggled, I just smiled, shook my head and repeated '$10' until he finally gave in. My own version of haggling :) Back in the safety of the camp I immediately went to cool off in the lake with a refreshing swim. We spent the afternoon relaxing in hammocks, reading, swimming and even playing a few rounds of Bao! After the obligatory sunset beers we ate a hearty dinner before heading back to the bar. Over the course of the day four more overland trucks had arrived and the camp was now pretty much full. By the time we went to bed around 10.30, most groups had turned in for the night, leaving one truckload to party the night away. Deciding we weren't quite done, Kate and I went back out for a couple more drinks before finally hitting the sack around 12.30. The party truck was still going strong though - half of them dancing on the bar -, the loud music and drunken shouting carrying on well into the early hours. When did I get so old to not be joining in...!?!

The next day we left Malawi, crossing the border into Zambia, and on our arrival in the capital city of Lilongwe, we visited a local animal sanctuary. The work the sanctuary was doing was very worthwhile but as we'd all been on safaris the relatively few animals they had held little interest and it was so hot, none of us really wanted to be there! Reaching our camp mid-afternoon we lucked out with our room, sharing a cottage with Jo and Kevin, and spent the few hours before dinner relaxing and trying to get the Internet to work! Everyone was shattered so as soon as dinner was over we headed to bed. Unfortunately I then spent the next two hours trying to get a huge spider out of our bedroom! After devising various ways to kill it - home-made flamethrower was a brief consideratio! - I resorted to chasing it round the room spraying it with deodorant before eventually conceding it was just too quick for me and giving up! Getting into bed, we tucked the mosquito nets under the mattress and hoped it left us alone for the night...

Having safely survived the night, we left early for the comparatively short drive to South Luangwa National Park, stopping briefly in Chipata to pick up supplies. South Luangwa is a game reserve renowned for hippos, elephants and leopards and our camp was set right next to a huge water-hole regularly frequented by the local wildlife. After some lunch and a cooling dip in the camp pool we set off for an afternoon game-drive. We saw hippos, hyenas and elephants but the highlight was definitely watching a leopard tearing apart an impala - it was acutely aware of us watching from barely 4ft away but not bothered enough to stop eating! By the time we returned to camp it was pitch black and just metres from the entrance we ran into a huge herd of buffaloes at least a hundred-strong. After a late dinner and a quick drink we headed off to bed but it was such a hot and sticky night it was next to impossible to get to sleep in our safari tents.

The next morning we were up with the sun to go on a bush walk in the park. Essentially a walking safari, it concentrated mainly on animal tracks and behaviour, insects, plant-life and even involved analysing poo! It was interesting stuff and a refreshing take on the safaris we'd experienced already. We also saw elephants, giraffe, deer and hippos but, away from the safety of a safari jeep, kept a sensible distance away! Back by mid-morning most of us spent the rest of the day chilling by the pool while a couple of the group opted for an additional afternoon game-drive. Around 5, Kevin, Jo, Kate and I went for sundowners, sitting outside their safari tent on the edge of the water-hole. Within minutes a family of elephants crossed over from the opposite shoreline and came to within 10 metres of where we sat. Once they'd finished drinking, we tracked them as they ventured into the camp and walked just a couple of metres away from Kate and I's tent as we stood there taking photos! Later on, after dinner and drinks, we came back to our tents to find the elephants had returned for a late-night drink in the water-hole. Luckily they didn't venture too near our tents this time!

In the morning we went on a tour of the local village. Much more upbeat than the village tour in Malawi, we were seated for a quick briefing (the girls were ordered to sit on the floor while the men sat on chairs - one of the local traditions!) before being taken around the village, escorted by hordes of young children, each fighting just to hold our hands and have their photos taken! After that we were treated to some traditional dancing - some of the group (though thankfully not me) even encouraged/dragged up to join in. Once the dancing was over we went down the road to a textile factory, where we were shown around and told about the production process. Some of the stuff on sale was actually pretty impressive but even compared to home prices it was all a bit expensive! Our camp for the night was in Chipata and we reached it by lunchtime. Mama Rulas was a nice camp with decent chalets and an impressive bar but the ex-pat South African family that owned it were a bit odd - seemingly lauding it over their staff and guests by having a banquet dinner served for them in full view of everyone! They did try to create a party atmosphere by cranking up the music and encouraging karaoke but everyone in the group was far to exhausted to care or join in! The travel and early starts of the last few weeks had caught up with us and we were all in bed by 8.30.

The final full day of the tour was largely uneventful and after a full days driving we arrived at our camp just outside the Zambian capital of Lusaka around 4pm. After a quick dip in the pool we enjoyed a few beers outside our spacious, beach-hut-style rooms before a last group dinner of steak and sausages. In the morning we had another long drive to Victoria Falls and after a couple of delays we arrived later than expected. Our driver Lawrence - who had become something of a liability by now - was rude to a guard at one of the checkpoints en route, resulting in our guides having to fork out for fines (bribes) and costing us an hour. Then at the Zimbabwean border it took an age to process everyone's visas - a mis-communication almost saw me get into an argument with one of the officials but fortunately I realised how unwise that would be and walked away before I got into too much trouble! Finally in Vic Falls we had to endure a cringeworthy video presentation on available activities before getting dropped off at our various hostels late in the afternoon. After breaking our door key and buying an Internet code that didn't work we took refuge from the stifling heat with a couple of refreshing beers and cold showers. Although our tour was now officially over we headed out a couple of hours later for one last dinner with the group. A buffet dinner at a posh hotel, we dined on crocodile and warthog before rounding off the evening with a few speeches and some group photos. Goodbyes were said and promises to stay in touch were made but perhaps the most prophetic goodbye came from one of the older German guys who simply smiled, shook my hand and said "Have a nice life!".

We had just one full day in Victoria Falls so after a late breakfast we met up with Kevin and Jo and went to see the falls. It was blazing hot, so quite why we chose midday to visit Zimbabwes' most famous attraction is beyond me! It was a pretty cool place to walk around though and even in the dry-season, the sheer scale of the Falls was impressive. After a couple of hours we gave into the heat, leaving the falls behind and heading for a quick drink in town. Going our separate ways, we spent the afternoon relaxing and doing some much needed laundry before hooking up again for drinks at our hostel later on. Marco, Stephanie and Esta from the tour joined us and we headed to a Mama Africa's, a local favourite, for dinner. The food was pretty decent - although I did send my peri-peri chicken back because it wasn't big enough! - and they had live music playing so it was probably a better farewell dinner than the night before! We headed back to our hostel - seemingly the place to party in Vic Falls - for a couple more drinks before we said final goodbyes and the guys got taxis back to their hostels.The tour was well and truly over!