Hi guys! This is DEFINITELY Dina and not her first-born.

We are having a great time in Vegas! It is snowing here, and all the casinos are underground now. But Paul and I have been getting on with it, clubbing seals under the ice for dinner. The Americans are fine, although I am unsure as to why they bother having "Diet-Coke" here, as the average weight of one of the f***ers is OVER 25 STONE!

So far we have seen 16 Elvis shows, taken all manner of hallucinogenic drugs, hired a large military weapon so we could shoot some Mexicans and visited a gaggle of prostitutes in the desert. Oh yeah, and loadsa gambling.....

I won eight million dollars on a bandit, but I lost the money when I was attacked by a giant swan in the lobby of the hotel we are in.

To be honest, I hate it here, but it is gonna get worse when my sons realise that I have gambled the house away in a fleet-footed, ill-informed bet on a horse running through a casino we were in. Those cheeky Americans, they'll f*** you out of anything.

Peace out homies, great to finally pull my finger out and do a blog. And to think, if I hadn't done this, Matt probably would have put a silly one on here.

Wuuuuurd. Dina and Paul X