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This post will be short but I am short on time - I hope it will accurately express what I'm feeling.
Real time: Wednesday June 17th
Real feelings: utter defeat.
Today, I am in the absolute pits. My job here at TASO is simply non-existant. point.
But wait - before I continue, I must say, I don't want no sympathy e-mails, replies of notes or anything like that. It's not worth it and I see things from a bigger perspective. I am not at all suffering as much as the clients I interact with, so for that I can not even begint to complain.
And yet, I shall:
TASO is a organization that is doing great things and helping many people infected with HIV, suffereing with AIDS and otherwise, but it as has grown and in my opinion has taken on more than it can chew. Since it's creation, TASO has flourished, but some of the basic fundamentals are very very weak.
**Communication***
The reason I am and continue to be shifted from one person to the next and I ahev not had a consistent week since I got here is that there are way too many BUSY people involved and no communcation between them. I am told to report to one place, but when I get there, they are not expecting me. Then the whispering begins "....what are we goign to do with this one" and things like "...don't worry, you're case is special"
sweet?
not so much.
My work has changed from that of HIV and Disability to strictly Prevention, but I have nothing to prove for it. My supervisor is supposedly to coordinate weekly activites/sessions/outreach events to attend, but few of them have happened as orginally intended. Example: last Saturday I was suppose to go out into the community with the drama group and see some of their outreach activites they do. But how is it that Joseph only thought to call the Coordinator on Friday afternoon to see if I could meet with him to see if I could accompany them - of course the car was full, and I was unable to go.
Why is it that I show up to his office everyday and it is only then that he picks up the phone to see if I can go?
I love not knowing what each day holds, but at the same time I would love to see some evident of planning beforehand from his end.
i have reached my wits end so to speak. I am tried of sittign and not making any kind of contribution to this place. It's not an understatement to say I am a burden. I move from one person to another and politely sit while this person tries to do there job, but my physical presence is real and can't be ignored. They take pity on me and I on them - this is not how an internship should work.
And yet - I am not mad/upset/disappointed etc. etc. at a particular person, but with the situation. TASO and its staff are working so. bloody. hard to serve its clients. Counselling sessions run all day long and most counsellors are expected to do at least 8 sessions, but the average counsellor pushes through, does 12, misses their tea break, and don't eat lunch until the last possible moment and then stay until 6:00 to complete their own work that needs attention. How can anyone condone that?
The problem TASO is faced with is a high high demand of services and the lack of people to provide them. All staff here are burden with more than they can handle and they try at best to do it all because they know there are people who need their help. IT is normal to have 2 counsellors in one room holding sesssions because there just is no space. The hallways are filled with clinets and like me they wait and wait and wait - some all day, and without eating and some with children. Who I am to even try to compete with these people?
So as I'm learning progress is slow - not just in TASO but in the developing world. How is Uganda to advance when even those are working so hard to do so are themselves struggling? TASO needs to scale back and focus on what it's already doing, but there is pressure to scale UP and provide and of course who would say otherwise. Today I have seen a slew of families - mostly mothers with their children, and so sickly so. They come to TASO for couselling, advice, testing and drugs - all free charge. And the counsellors and the rest of the staff are exhausted, but holy jeez - they push to keep going.
I have been thinking about how I have not been challenged with work, but I have been. It is HARD to sit there and watch and feel so incredibly helpless. The children breathe so heavy and yet the child care centre where they play outside is the most fun they have had in weeks. The hallways are lined with people and staff are running around trying to make sure everyone is being helped. And yet - even in the misdt of it all, everyone finds time to smile and say hello to you. I have been challenged not to take what I have for granted and maybe give a little more - I have never felt more welcmoe than here in Uganda and I suppose that is wha TASO is trying to give to its clients as well. Their days might be numbereed, but the feeling of love and spirit is strong, so even as some of them die, that loev and spirit and passion and enthusiam to reach their end goal of "a world without AIDS" is infact possible.
Real Time: Wednesday June 17th
Real feelings: *too blessed to be stressed
until next time friends...
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