Never in my life have I ever been so thankful for having a late night, for being hungover, or most likely still a bit drunk as I was when I opened my eyes this morning. Thanks to being drunk (passed out?), I actually got more than one hour's sleep overnight (although not being in the same bed as Daniel probably helped there). Thanks to being drunk, I also managed this in a hostel of all places. And thanks to being drunk, I also survived the showers at a backpackers. That must be the reason, because I have absolutely no idea how I'd survive that shower any other way. We had to leave early, and the hostel was next to empty, but still when I went for a shower, the water was pure ice cold. And it didn't have a tap, just a button I had to hold down for the water to pelt out onto my defenceless naked body (stop drooling everybody). That meant I only had one hand to clean myself. So it was literally hold the button, get wet and icy cold, stop the flow, lather up the soap and shampoo, press the button and clear the suds. That water was so cold my chest was heaving to breathe. If I wasn't still drunk, I'm not sure I'd have been able to do that. I was certain before this episode, and now I feel I need to make up a word meaning more than certain, that I am not a backpacker, and never will I be a backpacker. What fools they are, no wonder they're always drunk or high (or both) - they need to be! As bad and drunk as we were still feeling, we had nothing on the others. South African tourist, whose name was actually Chriestelle, didn't even wake up to her alarm, and required a bang on the door (in her maggoted state she actually made sure she organised that) from us to wake her. She didn't even get to the shower, which after my experience, may actually have been a good thing. But she wasn't even the worst... There's completely spastically ****-eyed, and then there's drunk Canadian woman. I should probably point out now to all my friends back home that her name is actually Pam. To Pam, who I've found out actually reads my blog, you were known as 'drunk Canadian woman' in my description of you to my friends. Be proud of that, it's a compliment. Also, say hi to Grandma for me, maybe even incorporating a suggestive wink in that hello. Thanks! For all those not grossed out by that (or indeed anyone not surprised by that), I'll get back to it; I did digress a little bit (forgive me, there's a first time for everything). I should probably just stick to calling her drunk Canadian woman, because honestly, Pam was in the absolute worst condition of all of us. You could probably add all of our conditions together and it still wouldn't reach hers. We boarded the bus, which was a massive one filled with day-trippers from Cork and our group, and there crouched over in the seat about halfway down was Pam, still dressed completely in last night's clothes. She had the slut-hair look going on (her words, not mine); she had her jacket wrapped around her legs to keep her modest (who am I kidding). She looked completely rooted. Actually, she had most likely been completely rooted (if you're confused Pam, look up what 'rooted' means in slang Australian). Turns out her hook-up last night had to drop her to the bus this morning, right at the last minute! What. A. Night. Then there was Grandma, who fired off the barbs in her smooth seductive accent as we passed by her on the bus (I did go in for the kiss and to sit on her knee, so it was warranted). Raunchy. Grandma seemed as good as gold; what a legend! The bus rolled out of Cork and began its trip west - it was going to be a long day. To Pam, it probably didn't even feel like the next day had started. It had Pam; the night finished long ago regardless of how you're dressed. After a couple of hours, the bus pulled into a town for a bit of a rest stop for 20 minutes or so. I can't remember the name of the town, as the bus did have free wifi today, but it's ok because it was just a rest stop and therefore most likely didn't have anything all that interesting. I did get a coffee and a toastie though, which not only reminded me of some good memories back home, but really hit the spot in terms of what I needed after a heavy night drinking! Yum! The driver stressed as he dropped us off that it was a very brief stop, and nobody could be late as we had a very tight schedule to keep. So it was finally nice to see the ODWs wandering back to the bus with about 5 minutes to spare. Maybe they'd learnt! Or maybe it was complete ********, because come departure time, they were nowhere to be seen, again! A full 10 minutes later and they finally came wandering back. Apparently they went to the end of the street to take photos! Of what exactly? It's a frikking rest stop, not a tourist one! We finally got back on the road and headed west again. The Irish countryside is so pretty and green, with rolling hills broken by stone walls and ruined castles. These things were also broken up by catching up on the news, and having great conversations with my friends (free wifi). Don't ask Pam what we saw, she was asleep. After another couple of hours on the bus, we finally made it to the west coast, and there in front of us stretched the North Atlantic Ocean, and it was absolutely beautiful watching the rolling hills give way to the ocean ahead. We stopped at The Burren, which is described as being almost lunar like given all the rocks dotting the landscape. Except it was right on the ocean. Unless I'm very much mistaken, I'm pretty sure there still hasn't been water found on the moon. But it was still quite spectacular, with rocks giving way to little cliffs and the bluest of blue ocean stretching into the distance. It also gave me an opportunity to hold Grandma's hand. Yes, it was to help her around the rocks, but still, I made the most of it! I love you Grandma. It was here too that I was witness to the most obvious statement in history. I overheard woman ODW talking to someone and stating: 'I have no concept of time'. No **** Sherlock. Moving on, a short drive later and we reached our lunch destination, which would present an opportunity to see who in our party could eat, and more importantly, who could drink after last night. Daniel attempted food, but quickly failed, which allowed Dad (human waste disposal) to swoop in and eat it! Pam and Grandma also ate. But the real heroes were Pam, Daniel and myself, choking back a beer to start the day again! Chriestelle didn't go near a thing, still feeling sick! Lunch also presented the opportunity for Pam to get decent via indecent exposure. She finally had access to her bag, and procured some more appropriate clothing for it that she changed into next to the bus! Grandma's bred some class! After lunch, we headed to the biggest natural attraction Ireland has on offer, the Cliffs of Moher (I can't be in Ireland all the time). Unbelievably, we actually left our lunch spot in time, with both ODWs making it back to the bus in time, albeit separately. They are so weird! I can easily see why these cliffs are such an attraction. They were absolutely amazing, rising over 200 metres sheer vertically from the ocean, and stretching for kilometres. It was pretty busy, but the cliffs went so far that it thinned the crowd. As we walked further out, the walls and paths became less so, until we were walking along, with nothing but a 200 metre drop within a couple of metres of us. Standing near the edge, it was an incredibly eerie feeling knowing that right where I was I was safe, but I was realistically mere inches from the end - it was that close! We had a couple of hours to explore the cliffs, before we made our way back to the bus. As our original bus was heading back to Cork, we had to gather our things and transfer them to the other bus that was going back to Dublin. Once transferred, we jumped on the bus and started the long trip across the country back to Dublin. A downside was that this bus was pretty packed, but the upside was that the driver was hilarious! As we left, we went past a pretty big golf course. The driver didn't like golf, but he loved driving past here and playing another game, whereby he'd keep an eye on the players, and every time they were about to hit the ball, he'd honk the horn on the bus to put them off. And it worked - the golfers were left shaking their clubs at the bus as it went past. Hilarious! We had one final stop to make for a photo opportunity at Bunratty Castle on the way back to Dublin, about half an hour into our trip. The castle was built in the 1400s, but restored in the 1950s to look as it does today, and is now a major tourist attraction, offering medieval banquets and things (we only had time for the photo opportunity though). To me, I find when really old things get restored new, they lose a bit of their historic value. A bit like if Dad decided to get cosmetic surgery to look 20 again; he'd be ousted pretty quickly as a fake! Anyway, after the customary photo, there was only one thing on Pam's and my mind - pint at the pub across the road! But we were the only ones this time; Daniel had succumbed to his hangover, Chriestelle's condition hadn't changed since she woke, and Dad and Grandma, well they're just old. Back on the bus, it was time for our last few hours en route to Dublin. We passed through the town of Limerick on the way, and our driver described that the poems known as limericks originated here. He also decided that we needed to have a limerick competition on the way home. I knew this was now my opportunity. I'm a limerick writer from way back, and words are my weapon of choice. This was my time! Within five minutes I'd come up with a limerick aimed fairly and squarely at the enemy - the ODWs. Here's how it went: Our tour left Dublin yesterday so late Caused by Canadians who appeared on their first date At each destination Their delays caused frustration Today's cliffs should've sealed both their fate I'm happy to say that got a pretty good laugh from the whole bus, in particular our group who knew exactly what it referred to. Not to be outdone, the ODWs decided to fire one back. I'll point out now; in a limerick, the first, second and fifth lines are longer and rhyme together, while the third and fourth lines are short and rhyme their own way together. Somebody forgot to tell the ODWs! No wait, actually the bus driver did give us a rundown of that at the start, and all the limericks that had been read out by then followed this pretty important rule, so it was pretty clear! But apparently not to them! They came up with a limer..., no, they came up with some words to try and get back at my limerick, that followed no length rules, and the last line rhymed with the third and fourth. It was so bad it didn't even canvass a clap, and I didn't even bother to remember it. But if they wanted to play this game, fine! I came up with another one, but by this time we were getting to the end of our journey so I only shared it with our group, and it went like this: Don't dare look to be settling some score The whole tour found your company a bore If it's some consolation Some were from your own nation A limerick's gotta rhyme you ****wit so was poor I'd like to say they'll learn in time not to mess with someone a bit literate, but gee, I don't know they will. Anyway, by the time I got to share that with the group we were back in Dublin and they were long gone. Perhaps wisely, given our massive nights the night before (and Pam as well the night before that), we decided against our plans for another big night and opted to have an early one to recover instead. We caught a taxi for the short ride to the hotel (sick of being a backpacker), where we arrived about 9pm. Daniel and I went and got us all a little bit of food while Dad put some washing on (we were in a new hotel with a washing machine!), before we crashed in bed. Thankfully my own bed. Good night's sleep coming my way, and a couple of big Irish days done!!