We've very nearly missed our train, but with a fair bit of assistance a very much worse for wear Odka manages to get us to the station with tickets, and we're on to our final train. This makes me sad. Strange how living in a tiny box room with two Norwegians and an Australian starts to feel like home.

Its just a one nighter this time, and I've timed my potato/noodle stash perfectly. The dining cart is also pretty luxurious on this train though. We arrive at the border late in the evening, its another long drawn out process which involves having your passports taken away (always worrying), and then having the entire train lifted 10 feet into the air, with us inside, so that they can change the wheels (China have different tracks, just to be awkward). The Chinese border station is pretty weird, sort of like being in purgatory whilst some calming music is played so that nobody flips out - which is starting to have to opposite effect on me, so I'm back on the train to have a sleep and hopefully wake up somewhere near Beijing.

Success! I've woken up deep into Chinese territory. Almost all the snow has disappeared, and we appear to be travelling through the Gobi desert. Aside from the occasional camel there is literally nothing to see here, its incredibly bleak. Amazingly there is the odd house as we clunk along, which I assume contains some very depressed Chinese people. After a few hours we start seeing some more signs of life, and the landscape becomes a bit more interesting. Beijing itself is huge, 20 million people in all, and so we seem to be travelling through the tatty suburbs for an hour before we reach the station.

After waving goodbye to the train, we're marched through the city by our very efficient new honcho Lily. Beijing is terrifying. Not "I'm going to get stabbed" terrifying, more "it's the year 3000 and things have gone a bit wrong" terrifying. Everything is massive, unfinished skyscrapers are dotted around finished ones with ultra shiny and oddly shaped exteriors, and moving adverts are beamed onto every available space. The constant smog means you can look directly at the sun without even having sunglasses on, and people wearing masks dash around carrying babies wearing masks. Terrifying but also pretty fascinating.

Our final hotel is wonderfully located on a little side street which is like an oasis from all this, with little restaurants and shops dotted along it. Its also a pretty modern hotel, with talking birds in the lobby and clear glass boxes within the room for us to shower and relive ourselves in. This is pretty weird though when you're sharing a room with another man - avoiding eye contact is essential.

Day 1 is basically a food day. Lily takes us to a restaurant nearby and we order everything - peking duck, kung pao chicken, beef things, pork things, rice things, beer things etc…..its a fair step up from Oriental House takeaway at the bottom of my road, although I've spent about the same as I would for a box of chow mein. China isn't the cheapest place in the world, but you can eat like a king for less than a fiver. This is followed up by a trip to the night market for desert - consisting of squid, sea-snake, and a deep fried scorpion. I'd recommend the squid. Lily then disappears into the night, leaving the remaining few to try and find some sort of bar. We have limited success and end up in some sort of restaurant, presumably run by triads, but which served us with beer and also some sort of local spirit - which I'm pretty sure would burn through your skin if you spilt it.

Day 2 and we do what you do if you're in China for just over a day - go see the big wall. It's a very big wall - 7000 miles I think I heard someone say. Its pretty photogenic, snaking along the tops of the hills, although it is tourist central and its very difficult to get any kind of shot that doesn't contain at least 12 Chinese people dressed in brightly coloured walking gear and carrying hiking poles and cameras with lenses presumably designed for photographing Pluto. After a couple of hours we all toboggan back down (nice feature) and fight our way back through some ridiculous traffic for what seems like days to get to the silk market. Silk market is a misleading name, as only about 1% of the place sells silk, and the other 99% of this six-floor asylum is filled with people trying to convince you that you should go into their little shop which sells knock-off Louis Vuitton bags rather than the shop next door, which sells knock-off Louis Vuitton bags. I'm not a huge fan of Louis Vuitton bags, not even real ones, so this place is more or less hell. After a couple of hours we find the way out, and make our way back the hotel for a quick, awkward, eye-contact avoiding shower to get ready for our final dinner before everyone goes in their separate directions - and I go back home. To work. Which is seeming like a pretty depressing prospect.

Anyway, the final dinner follows a similar pattern to the night before, except with more food and the addition of vodka. I would generally avoid emotional goodbyes, but I've got hazy flashbacks of a whole lot of hugging and kissing. I've been rather lucky with my travel group - out of eleven people you'd expect to have at least one a***hole, but unless that a***hole was me then I can hand on heart say that we didn't. No dramas, lots of hilariousness, perfect. Ireland, Denmark, Norway, Australia, I'm about to get on a plane at this ridiculously large airport but I will see you again I hope. Nostrovia.

Good trip. Well done.