And so it is that my time at Tanzania is drawing to an early close. It has been tough decision to make that in many ways has presented itself since I've been back this year. I feel that the organisation and this experience here has a lot to offer Westerners who come here to volunteer. Experiencing Masai culture, learning about a different education system, learning the struggles and advantages of living in another community as well as opportunities to push yourself and experience change are all available. I have appreciated this and have had an amazing experience. I have absolutely loved getting to organise events and trips, learn some Swahili and the freedom living in a new country and getting to learn about it from scratch brings.

However, sadly I have started to realise that the organisation does not completely tie in with what I individually agree with. I feel very strongly that it is wrong for a western person to go into a developing county and take a job which a local person could easily do. I feel that this is where aid goes wrong and the damaging 'white saviour' narrative can come in. Probably three years of studying international relations has helped lead to this decision. When I first arrived there was a lot of changes and a lot going on and I felt that the work I was doing here was useful, I didn't particularly feel I had taken anyone else job and I felt there was a lot right with mixing Western and Tanzanian culture with both learning from the other. However, this year there has been a massive increase in volunteers. Now the number of western staff has doubled in size while there are less Tanzanian staff. The divide in school is very obvious and the two staff cultures have become very separate. Certain culture traits of Tanzania are being looked at and commented negatively by Western staff as the increase in people has led to less of a case of people trying to learn and understand from the other but more implement their view. I feel very strongly that a local person could easily do the job I and many others are doing, which leads me to the point what am I doing here?

If I am completely honest I feel it would be a lot easier to stay. I without a doubt love East Africa, and hope to be able to return soon. I enjoy getting the responsibility and tasks of organising things, I appreciate even more what is to be alive while I am here as everything is so much more real without materialism or barriers to hide behind. I have made friends here and get to experience a learn about a culture that is completely alien from my own. I feel that yes I have gained a lot of skills and information from this experience but it is not enough for me just to feel like I am the one who is gaining. Staying does not help sustainability, it does not help find a solution or way forward to the current issues that the community face, it does not fill a gap that no one here could fill, it increasingly does not tie in with what I personally feel is morally right in an international development context.

For girls growing up in the local community, they face many barriers to education; early marriage, household chores, relatives and siblings to looks after- the school has provided them with an amazing opportunity to get an education and plan their own future. However, it does not currently offer many female role models of people who have made it who have had some relatable experience to what they are having. On staff there is one female teacher, one female classroom assistant and one female office administrator. The remaining ten female staff are from Europe or the USA, we may sympathise but we don't have the experience to be able to fully appreciate the barriers that students are going through and yet there are teachers in the area who can. Surely, this is more important and more useful than us Westerners who, lets be honest by comparison have life experience that doesn't relate. I''m by no means saying that there shouldn't be volunteers here. I think it is a good thing that both cultures can learn from the other. What I am saying is that it has to be more balanced and offer a sustainable project long term. We are in Tanzania as guests, we can make suggestions and run things a certain way but ultimately it has to be the Tanzanians who need to be listened to and decide their own country's future.

It has been an extremely hard decision to make and I know it will seem quite difficult for quite a long time to come. I have not made the decision lightly by any means and have been trying to work out what is best to do for a long time now. Ultimately I am going with the decision that if i died tomorrow would I feel I had done everything the best I could. Right now I feel I am having experiences I would like to have but I feel guilty in doing so. I am completely sure I will be back to Africa, quite possibly before the year is out. It definitely has a way of getting under your skin and is impossible to escape once you have been. I just feel for me it is essential for me to agree with the projects long term goals and outlook and feel that I am a use to the team rather than just a commodity.

Tanzania has been an amazing country to be in. I have made some friends I know I will keep in touch with for life both from here and around the world. I have learnt what it is to be given high levels of responsibility and to be able to successfully achieve goals. I have learnt about research methods, got to learn about local culture, and enjoyed just getting to sit in the sun and people watch! The students have been particularly inspiring and I am sure many of them will end up doing extremely well in life, they certainly have the determination!

I leave Tanzania on the 15th February and arrive in Scotland on the 16th. It's going to be a tough but I know its more of a see you later then a goodbye.