Day 22. Day of funeral !

As I'm back in UK time I am way behind the euro-6 (5) now....

After a very harrowing and sometimes turgid journey home it was finally the day of the funeral .... Up early as sleep patterns are all over the place now !! Showered changed, clothes checked again, waiting for Wayne, Rhiann and Shainey to arrive .... They have left very early to get here ! They had a fairly clear drive and arrive at about 10:45, even having had a stop for coffee on the way.. Poor Rhiann bursts into tears as soon as she walks through the front door, my heart goes out to her as she had a kind of affinity with her great nan, a special first great grand child bond ! After lots of hugs she regains composure and we can all sit and chat...

Shortly after 12:00 it is time to get changed and ready to drive to the crematorium. First I have to drive up to pick up Vera & Les. This done we set off... The weather is very wet as we leave and it does not seem a good omen for the day. As we get closer though then clouds break and although not warm it's clear now and not raining. As we get close to home I decide that I have enough time to pop round to say hello to everyone. Still no one knows that I have come home. I drive round into the road outside and the funeral cars are not yet there. A few faces that I do recognise are milling around and there are a lot more cars than usual so I decide not to stay too long as the funeral procession will not be able to turn round.. The first to notice me is my brother Rob who doesn't know whether to laugh or cry so does neither. He just be stands in the middle of the road gawping at me.. Eventually he speaks as we greet each other, still in the middle of the road ... I am just about to walk towards the house when my sister Cindy appears around the corner.. At first she does not recognise me and carries on walking by to do whatever chore is on her mind... Then, as if in a movie, the penny drops and she realises I am actually there.. Within a microsecond she is in floods of tears and almost passes out with the shock/realisation of being back from New Zealand. As I grab her to stop her falling, she utters all sorts of things about me doing it again.. Doing to her what I did to mum many years ago. A lot of why, what, how, when and many other one word questions were the asked. I explained that I had made the conscious decision not to tell anyone that I was attempting to get home in case it all went wrong and I didn't make it.. That way no one would have any expectations and it would not spoil the day any more than it already was by me not being there.. And it was a close run thing anyway... "You must go in and see dad" "We haven't allowed for you in the funeral car" "Have you seen anyone else?" "Do you know where it is ?" I explain that it does not matter about the arrangements, I will make my own way over ready for the coffin to arrive. It will be fine. Cindy was now beside herself, she had organised everything to the last detail and now it seemed to have exploded in her face.. "You must go in the car, you are the oldest!" Rob agrees and a family feud is about to happen. However, I gently decline their offer as it would mean someone else having to drive my car and that doesn't happen !! With that they both burst out laughing and the situation was defused. There is more shock, surprise and bewilderment as I enter the front door and mum's brothers notice me but do not realise who I am. "Sorry mate" says 'uncle Jim' "family only at the moment in side the house" "That's ok uncle Jim," I reply, "I think I qualify on that one !" Before he has the chance to register my comment Dad shouts from behind him "Bloody hell !" "What are you doing here?" Then it's the obligatory hugs, back slaps and greetings and of course tears but I say that I am going to get out of the way and will explain all later..

Back in the car and heading for the crem we notice the funeral procession and it is a white carriage and white horses that carry mum.. I have to swallow hard as I am driving and it's not the day to have an accident.. It doesn't take long to get to the crem, I park up and greet other people who all have the same questions, but also a look of shock that I am not travelling with the family.. I do not get chance to explain as the carriage comes through the gates and serenely makes it was to the doors of the Chapel .. While we are waiting Cindy walks across and says that as I am here I can help to carry the coffin in as that was one of mum's wishes.. I agree and also asks if she would I've me to read the poem in the service. This brings a smile to her face and she readily agrees..

After a quick lesson on how to lift a coffin off the carriage, get it onto our shoulders and how to walk together we gently ease mum off the flower strewn carriage. It is not an effort and we easily hoist her onto our shoulders and solemnly creep into the chapel ..everyone seems so quiet and it strikes me that mum would not have wanted this at all.. She would have wanted us to be happy of the fact that we had really good times with her and should rejoice in that fact.. I can just imagine her screaming at us from upon high, but of course none of us non believers can hear her !! we place her gently on the pedestal and all bow reverently as we back away. Having taken our places the service begins.. When we get to the first hymn no one knows the words or the tune and it seems like only the music player is singing !! Then it's my turn to read the poem called "She Is Gone" it is very poignant as it is almost exactly what she said before we departed to the antipodes for our holiday !! I do manage to read it all but felt myself breaking down on occasions and had to really concentrate to finish !! Another hymn which this time we knew so it was sung with more feeling and purpose.. All too soon it was over and we were all invited to place a rose on or near the coffin and say our own last little prayer for/to mum.. We then walked outside to view the flowers and console each other as best we could.. Funerals just do not get any easier ! Although the weather was still not raining it was extremely cold outside so we decided to adjourn to Stokes Barn where mum used to enjoy going especially if "Elvis" was in the building... Here was a chance to catch up with everyone from the family who we may not have seen for a while and to partake of the fine spread laid out for us.... As memories flowed the atmosphere changed to one that mum would appreciate, remembering the finer times of her life and celebrating that she had been part of ours. !! As with everything though, it had to come to an end and people reluctantly had to leave, for different reasons, to carry on with their lives but retaining the memories !!