Location: Hwang Deung Nam.

Cast: 5-1, Teacher Erin and special appearance by Empty Space. The space where a Korean Co-teacher should be, but for reasons that are not apparent there is not one.

Here is goes my account of yesterday.(Back In March 2008)

"One class were an absolute nightmare! No co-teacher, so there I stand faced with 25 kids who, quite frankly , can not speak English and just want to mess about. Fair enough, but seriously kids get a grip. They've been learning English for about 4 years already (they're only 9) so you would assume they can answer "How are you?" with some kind of confidence. If not, if you are the 20th student in the room to be asked the same question...you would follow in fashion right?

One cheeky little f*cker (sporting a Spongebob Square Pants tee) was messing on his "hand pone" aka a mobile so I took it and said "ok, I am just going to call England now. Is that alright?" (Obviously I didn't wait for an answer and started punching the numbers into the keypad.)

"Oh Teacher!" the piece of English he manages to excrete from his mouth.

"What's wrong?" I added hastily. Then continued to add numbers. Taunting him was a lot of fun! I have to admit! So, I firmly pressed the 'dial out' button and waved it in front of his face. Unfortunately, the phone didn't even ring....I must have miss typed the number! But I pretended someone answered all the same!

So, as I proceeded with the lesson (or rather continued to raise my voice and battle against the shrieking and whining) the lack of response to the question that these monkeys have heard for the last 4 years of their life, another smart arse says "shut up"....in order to get a reaction from the class.

Obviously attempting to get some status as the classroom rebel...you know what mate screw you! "Right, stand up. Get out and go to your classroom. I don't need you here. No way. Bye." I am faced yet again with a fairly vacant expression. He stands outside the door which I slam shut. But after a couple of minutes of him basically scratching at the door I tell him to "get in". He reckons he is going to be sitting down in his chair...I don't think so. Over to the corner.

At this point due to a serious lack of understanding I have to physically place him in the corner and then turn his head so it's facing the corner. "Stay there......you lil s***" That last part is muttered as you would imagine! It would be awfully unprofessional otherwise!

Students are still annoying me by just talking and you know what? I am not here to just shout at them in a language they don't understand. Equally I am not here to take crap from them. They're nine years old! Bloody hell. After about 5 minutes of this I'm just like...f*ck it (again something that I mutter fairly loudly this time. I sit at my desk , pull up the CD Rom onto the TV, then start hitting the left hand button on the mouse and play the same 5 second clip over and over. Top notch b**** mode.

As I clicked to replay the same scene, I holler "one more time? You guys really like this?" Again faced with blank faces and I enjoy it. I played it over and over and over and over, man I have no idea how many times I played it.

Some of the students started saying "No! Teacher no more! Please! Number 2 ...number!!! PLEASE! NO MORE! STOP!"

I truly relished in the fact I was the one with the upper hand here. To their pleads I would simply respond with a "sorry, what? I don't understand? I don't know what you mean? One more time? okay if you want it?!" This is when I was being particularly nasty. When I was feeling more generous I would say "sorry" or "I don't understand" in Korean. Give them a bit of a hint. Stupid kids don't pick up on sarcasm too well though. Maybe they should learn.

I thought their heads were going to explode! After about 10 minutes of them repeating the dialogue (as I believe this is probably what they thought I wanted them to do) a few of them were running up to the TV pointing to the next dialogue. Then over to my computer. This is when I was heavily denying any kind of understanding to what their pleads, begs were for. Yes. I did enjoy that! I am most certainly NOT denying that!

Eventually, I teased them with a slight sense of hope when I played the second scene/dialogue. But I was bored of that and wanted to return to the one I know the most....number 1.....I pulled up the corner boy from earlier and the "hand pone" boy and made them stand at the front of the class and practice the dialogue. Probably the quietest point of the entire class. When they and their fellow commrades realised that I would keep playing the dialogue until they said the whole thing correctly, the peer pressure was put onto them. Again I did enjoy this. And yes, again I will NOT deny it!

The boys were pressing their little ears against the TV screen trying their best to memorise the 2 lines......Infuriated by the slowness as to understand the dialogue, I order them to return to their positions. "Hand pone" boy to his seat and the other one to the corner. The corner boy gets lower and lower in the corner as the time ticks by.At about 11:15 am, one girl (who is really nice and pretty smart) asks "teacher what's the time?" I slowly lift up my head stare at the clock and say "there. It's 11:15. 5 more mintues....great."

Her and one of the naughty lads mutter amongst themselves..."angry boyo dalachi yo angry..sang san nim" I know what they're discussing. Am I angry? I wait in anticipation to see whom will be the brave one. It's the nice girl.

"Teacher, are you angry?" If I had said I wasn't I don't think the language barrier would be able to rose tint that expression that was insistingly inprinted onto my face! "Yeah I am actually. I am really angry."

A few sorrys flew in my direction that I simply dismissed with a childish "whatever."Finally, it was 11:20am. Lazily sitting behind my desk and holding the wait of my head onto my left hand and arm I announce in a monotone voice "Ok. Bye. Go on. See ya."

Students look to each other and stand up .The stupid ones haven't got a clue what has happened and never will cause in all honesty I don't think they can even speak Korean let alone attempt to learn another language! One of the naughty boys comes over along with several others "I'm sorry. Teacher angry? Sorry." The corner boy is literally slumpt in the corner now. Head down looking at the shoe cupboards.....don't give a s*** mate.....The childish response comes from me once more "yeah? Whatever. You can go. Bye." A quick shrug of the shoulders and a point towards the door...and it's done! Man, that was a long 40 minutes......"