Talk about going down under

the final fling - Australia

Talk about timing it to perfection, i managed to land in Australia smack bang in the middle of winter.

I landed in Sydney and stayed at a hostel next to the main train station where i shered a room with 8 people and had another mini jeremy clarkson episode.

this time i was shouting at my brother for parking my car on a moving rock on a cliff edge that banged my car on the rocks and scratched it...?

you tell me.

luckily most of the lads thought it was funny, me shouting in the night, but i soon smoothed it over totally by giving them my stash of dirty magazines.

i was surprised that the opera house was not bigger, and got stuck up the tower for 2 hours when one of the lifts decided to break.

the famous indian pacific train was leaving for adelaide the next day and went over the blue mountains and through broken hill, so i booked myself the super budget overnight seat.

as we pulled out of sydney and started to ascend towards the famous mountains, i was right next to the window ready to take some snaps. typically by the time we actually got to the blue mountains it had gone dark.

fantastic.

my seat was pretty uncomfortable but i had no one sat next to me and there was an evening movie, so i thought things were not so bad.

then we made one final stop and happy days someone got on who had booked the seat next to me. he reminded me of the pensioner off family guy that likes the young boys and whistles as he talks.

i could not understand a word he said and he stank of tobacco. i bought him a beer in an attempt to stop him from talking and awaited the start of the movie.

and what did i get..happy feet.

it was going to be another one of those train journeys. i had nearly another 24 hours to go.

as we arrived in adelaide it was throwing it down, and the hostel i had booked nearly sent me over the edge.

it's not that i hate backpackers, i just hate having to live with them, and my room was behind the tv in the lounge.

my initial plan was to head south and drive down the great ocean road, but having just driven around new zealand and the fact that it was cold and raining put me off.

i was getting tired of sharing rooms, showers and toilets so i rang my mate paul in perth and said i could get a flight the next day, so off i went to perth.

he picked me up at the airport, and oh the joys of not having to stay in a hostel and having a conversation with someone who had not washed for a month and finished every sentence with the word "dude".

we hit the town and i was elated and upset.

elated that the oz girls are so pretty, and upset that they are so tall.

we went down to a place called bunbury where paul knew of a topless bar.

it was just about to close and to be honest we were glad that she kept her top on.

we found a night club that was open and put the world to rights with an insane amount of vodka and "bundy" rum.

his mate has an amazing boat, so we pretended to be roman abramovich for the day by going down to the marina and sitting on it and pretending it was ours to anyone that happened to walk by.

the 2 stalkers that had been after me lived fairly close by to paul, so we arranged to meet up for a drink and finally said hello. i was hoping for a bit of rohipnol in my drink and to wake up in an alleyway the next day with a sore bum, but alas, i bid good night to the girls and we ended up in a really ropey night club were apparently anyone can pull.

not me i am afraid, i was scared.

yes it was that rough.

apparently that is where paul pulls all his girls..........

having experienced home comforts for the first time in 6 months i decided i had had enough and decided to cut short the oz trip and return home.

so i said farewell to paul and booked a flight back to sydney to land smack bang in the middle of world youth day.

what a waste. all those lovely young girls saving themselves for the pope.

this time i booked in at kings cross which is a part of town that is a cross between soho and amsterdam.

john mcgarry has a cousin, rob that offered to take me out for a drink and to chaparone me until i left for sunny england.

rob and mark took me all around sydney, bondi beach, and wined and dined me until my flight left, and even took me to the airport, so i had a really great final couple of days, but sadly we missed the pope.....................

as i sat on the plane for 27 hours i reflected on my adventures and decided it was well worth the experience, only thing is,

what the hell am i going to do now????????????????