Ho Chi Minh (Saigon)

Feb 10th - 14th

This place is absolutely crazy. I though Bangkok was lawless and chaotic, but this takes it to another level.

But before that i have to tell you about the airport incident.

well the night before after having discovered the 40 Baht beer bar, we went and partied like it was 1999 and ended up getting about an hours sleep and then we had to get off to the airport to fly to Ho Chi Minh.

getting to the airport, i sat with the bags and john and jonnie had to go and change their flight details. I was getting a bit worried after about half an hour and then they came around the corner, john was laughing and jonnie was as white as a sheet.

Apparently as they got near the desk, jonnie had a bit of a dizzy fit and started wobbling all over the place. Upon seeing this, the Emirates girl pointed jonnie to a chair to sit down, so he staggers towards the chair and then completely missed it and went flying and then blacked out on the floor.

Well it was like a scene from casualty apparently, i always miss the funny bits. looks like jonnie can not handle his beer like he used to.

Then as we went through security, i put my carry bag through the x ray and they started shouting, and asked me to open my bag. Wandering what all the fuss was about i pulled everything out and then found ........my swiss army knife. whoops.

Thinking i was going to prison, in true Thai style they enacted me cutting the pilots throat with my knife and started laughing about it. shame, it was a good knife and had my bottle opener on it.

Anyway, back to Saigon..

One of the most suprising thigs is the amount of motorbikes, hardly anyone owns a car, and there are millions of them. the only way to cross the street is to close your eyes and walk, believe it or not they will just swerve around you. the worst thing you can do is to try to move out of their way.

We rented 3 men plus their bikes for 3 hours to blast us around the city. We thought we were going to be murdered at one point as they took us to a really quiet spot on the other side of the river, but as it turns out, they just wanted us to rent their sisters boat. the average wage here is about a pound a day, so if you think about it, we had a years wages in our pockets.

So, happy we were going to live we started to enjoy the tour and went to the war museum, the Post Office, Notre Dame Cathedral, The Golden Pagoda, where i fell down the steps and nearly broke my ankle, and then they took us for a beer at their local where we got about a litre of beer for around 20 pence!

well at those prices we could afford to buy them all a beer as well, so about an hour later, we were all hammered and swerved all the way home, laughing and shouting as we dodged the traffic.

That night we went in to town to see the new year celebrations and got stalked by a rickshaw man. he would not leave us alone, but we kept getting lost, so he was having the last laugh. After finally giving in, we told him to tell us where the Apocolypse bar was we were looking for. Next minute he abandons his rickshaw in the middle of the street and jumps in to a taxi telling us to jump in.

so off we go knowing we were going to regret this, but that we did not care. minutes later we pull up down a quiet side street with a building that has red neons around the door...........

Surprise surprise, the door opens, the place is empty, but 4 girls spring in to life, put the disco lights on and crank up the music. i opened the door to see if the escape was clear, and then 4 blokes walk in and stand by the door. oh well, when in rome, as they say. so we had a couple of drinks just to expand the comedy and then paid our way out by buying the ladies some drinks.

we escape and jump in to another taxi, and then indiana jones the rickshaw man pops up from the passenger seat again. we said we were going to kill him if he did not get lost, so he heeded the warning and then followed us in to the hotel. seconds later a girl turns up on the back of a moped and he started winking at us. well you have to give them ten out of ten for trying.

next day we went on a 2 day Mekong Delta tour. Everything here is so cheap, we found a really nice guest house with free internet for under a fiver per room, and the 2 day trip all in including hotels, food, etc was only 25 dollars.

the trip was really good and i think i got bit by every mosquito in thailand. On the way back we had a mini bus ride from hell, the 2 jonnies were crammed in the back, and i was sat next to a man so fat, i could only get one cheek on the seat. it was red hot and the air con was not very good, and it took about 7 hours to get back. On the way we needed the toilet, so the driver took us to his house and said we could pee in his garden while he picked a few things up ??? so there we all are peeing in his garden as his family comes out and says hello to us.

then we had to wave goodbye to John Mcgarry and the day after we went on a trip to see the tunnels where the Viet Cong lived during the wars and terrorised the Americans.

It was amazing how they lived, and you can climb in the tunnels and everything, and a really good photo you can take is where you climb in to a hole in the floor and you can just see your head through the hole. So not having John Mcgarry around any more, i turn to Jonnie for a picture, but he hates to look like a typical tourist. So i give him the camera and push him to the front of the crowd to take a picture as i jump in the tunnel.

So what does he do ? he zooms in so all you can see is my face! well that was it. I told him he needs to start putting some enthusiasm in to it. We had a proper domestic and everyone was looking at us as he started ranting i should have invited David Bailey on holiday instead. ha ha if you know jonnie you will know why this is so funny.

we found out we could get an over night sleeper bus to our next destination, Nha Trang for 10 dollars. Again, this was a 12 hour bus journey on the luxury bus for a fiver. if you wanted, there is a much cheaper bus.

so we took this sleeper bus "where you can lie down" thinking it was like a business class aeroplane seat.... Nope, it was like a coffin, and a very small one at that. You can not sit up, only lie down, i was on the top bunk next to the speakers in the ceiling where they were blasting out music. it was a nightmare of a journey, the roads are really bumpy and all the drivers do is beep their horn as they play chicken with the oncoming coaches.

Next installment..... Nha Trang