Mel-bon

Right from the get-go, I had a good feeling about this town. I bought a pizza and the guy who owned the joint only asked me for money 'near enough' to the listed price. Sure, he coveted my coins for the next day's float, but I ate heartily for $3 less. You can't argue with that math(s).

My second day was the Melbourne Cup, a horse race so huge that Melbournians get a public holiday and the whole country grinds to a halt. My first task was to find a bookies and place a bet. I've never placed a bet before so I was expecting that to be difficult, whilst finding a betting shop in a city that's on holiday because of a horse race should be easy. Turns out the opposite was true as I spent the good part of two hours trying to find a TAB(http://www.tab.com.au/Sports/Default.aspxState=2) and make my investment. It was located within a pub, which is the natural marriage of money and consolatory/celebratory drinks. In Britain I've only seen Costa Coffee in a Ladbrokes.

How could we get it so wrong?

Task two of the day was to blag my way into the Cup itself. I was already late in meeting a friend who'd been given a free member's pass the day before, and we didn't arrive at the racecourse until about 15 minutes before the start of the big race. I was adamant that I wasn't going to pay $60 for a ticket if I wasn't going to get in. I was right to do so. The staff weren't letting anyone with a ticket in until 5 minutes after. Passes yes; tickets no. My friend went in and I stood outside, thwarted by my luck. Still, the staff were friendly and we had a chat, bit of a laugh. There wasn't even a TV outside the entrance so I couldn't watch it. I just hoped someone would be kind enough to tell me the winner.

The race started at 3 and it was 2:58. I heard the lady at the gate mutter something. I looked up, and she repeated, "Go. I won't tell you again" as she gestured inside. I made my dash and arrived at the big screen to see the race start. Shouting and hollering, my horse Septimus switched between 2nd and 3rd place. By the final 300m he was 1st, but then everything changed and the late runners took over. Once the winner had crossed the line, Septimus was joint 6th or something. I did have another horse - Gallopin' - but he was never in the race. Still, I got in without paying $60 so my $40 loss was turned into a $20 profit. Sort of.

The atmosphere of the races was very festive. Everyone was dressed up, bar myself in my patched-up t-shirt, yet everyone was relaxed and letting their hair down as they would normally. Bar prices were cheaper than the drink I had later in the day in the city centre and a U2 tribute band blasted out songs for the dancers among the racegoers, of which their were many and I was one of them. Fair play to them though - they were good. Dressed up in Achtung Baby era garb, the singer sounded like Bono - even going as far as regurgitating his speech about South Africa and 'Archbishop Desomd Tutu' during the break in 'Silver and Gold' - and I danced around like a loon, exposing the holes under my left t-shirt arm as I waved my limbs in the air. Exercise can be fun!

I expect Ascot would not be like this. There's no way I would have got in the gate without a ticket even if I was suited and booted; there's a remote chance the staff would have even engaged me in conversation. There was also a phenomenal amount of Irish people. I knew betting and horses is a big pull for them, but I didn't expect every 4th person to be talking in an Irish accent. Maybe it was the same person running round the grounds, trying to keep the Irish end up. Either that or the Emerald Isle fell silent for a few days.

And this was my general experience with Melbourne: the natives were friendly, the city was compact and easy to navigate and I enjoyed myself immensely. The only downside was the weather, which could move from cold and wet to bright and sunny in the matter of hours.

Four seasons in one day makes wardrobe decisions very difficult indeed!

Tony cannot believe that Melbourne has turned its back on Neighbours. The museum has removed the mock-up of the Robinson's kitchen, you can't buy any merchandise anywhere and no Aussie watches it. Doesn't that soap generate half the nation's GDP?