So I begin my travel blog today, the day I dodged dog crap (nature's own little non-lethal landmines) whilst helping with the gardening but, more importantly, the day after I got my new passport. My new passport, with a new biometric chip in it...so the CIA can track me where ever I go. I wasn't even going to renew the damn thing, but airlines get kinda finickity about you travelling with less than 6 months left on your current passport. Just in case you hop on at point A and don't hop back on again after exploring the charming, yet fragrant, delights of point B.

By now, the more sharp-witted amongst you will have gathered that I haven't left the country. That's true. The furthest I have ventured thus far was to Liverpool to experience the 1-day express Passport Renewal service, and what a joy it was. I expected to wait half an hour until my pre-booked appointment time, but I was called almost immediately because, to my slack-jawed amazement, there were hardly any people waiting. In fact, I waited longer to pay for the passport than I did handing over my application forms and what-not. The staff were happy, courteous and smiling, and didn't mind in the slightest my comparing their ticket system for waiting with that you find on a cheese counter in a supermarket (although they misheard me - I was in fact making the comparison of cheese with system at the Indian Consulate in Brum - they still gave me a passport).

Now all I have to do is book my flights and get my visa. Oh, top tip for anyone going to India: unlike other countries, your visa for India starts the day you apply for it, rather than the day you enter that country. I learnt the hard way when I hauled my ass out of bed at stupid o'clock to get an early train down to the Indian Consulate in Birmingham.

Hang on, I have travelled farther than Liverpool on my round-the-world trip.

Damn, I've started lying already...