Simon's despatch: Hoi An.

Ah sleeper buses. After using them to get to Sapa and back I've learnt to fear each journey on these. They're actually very well kitted out, consisting of three rows of bunk beds whose backs can also be raised into a sitting position. However, the three major drawbacks are:
1. The motion from going round all the wiggly corners.
2. The lack of toilet facilities requiring intentional dehydration before travel.
3. Me. I'm too big for Vietnam. Most Vietnamese stare Beth straight in the eye and the beds seem to be proportioned accordingly. Bent legs and feet wrenched round by 45 to 90 degrees does not a happy Simon make!

So you can imagine how excited I was at the prospect of 16 hrs on one to get from Hanoi to Hoi An. After a comical journey in a packed minibus that involved Beth sitting on my lap, another guy standing and the partial destruction of two market stalls, we reached the bus proper.

After some initial excitement at realising this sleeper bus had an onboard toilet - someone opened it and the entire bus started to weep ammonia induced tears. To quote a girl on the bus "it's the kind of smell that will wake you up" and it did (well Beth anyway, i just had dreams of club RG1 from my student days). Added to this punishment it also meant the bus didn't make the normal toilet stops so there was were only two food stops for the entire 16 hours during which to uncoil my legs :(

Conclusion: having an onboard toilet is worse than not having one!

The torture bus finally delivered us to Hoi An, well a random hotel on the outskirts of Hoi An, at about midday so our 2.5 day stay could begin.

Despite sleep depravation and Beth still having a dodgy tummy screaming out 'take it easy', we couldn't afford rest - we were in Hoi An on a mission.

Hoi An is famous for it's beautiful old town architecture, a blend of ancient Cham buildings and French townhouses and shops. However, it's even more famous for it's tailors. More than 200 of them at last count. You can take a picture of a dress or specify a suit design and some of the tailors will measure you up and have the clothes ready by the end of the day.

So the 2.5 days were crucial as I wanted a suit and shirts and Beth wanted a dress and coat. We got measured up at 4pm first day, had our 1st fitting at 3pm day 2, third fitting at 6pm and then picked up the finished items (well posted them) at 2pm day 3 before getting on another night bus to leave at 5pm - close!

For anyone interested in getting something made in Hoi An. We used Peace tailors who were lovely and patient. Turned out good clothes, especially my shirts and suit with special kindle pocket. The 2 tailor made cotton shirts and wool cashmere blend suit cost me £146 and Beth's dress and winter coat were £64. Bargain!

Apart from bimble around the old town taking pictures with the throng of tourists, the other major inter-clothes-fitting activity we did was a street food tasting tour.

Starting rather early at 7:15am, the charismatic Aussie tour guide Neville picked us up from our hotel and took us to the local market. Over a drink of sinh to trai cay (glorified and glorious fruit not-so-smoothy) he explained about the Vietnamese love of food, reasons for eating and about how they balance their dishes - contrasting textures being very important.

We then had a tour around the market, seeing some old favourites like morning glory, along with some new herbs but disappointingly the buffalo foetus and bile found in Laos were conspicuous by their absence.

After the market was a 1.5km walk through the streets stopping at almost every street vendor to either eat some food, talk about the food or just catch up on their lives a little. We had a stop at a restaurant to try some small samples before continuing our tramp to their tasting room proper.

All in all there were 40 courses. We ended the tasting feeling very knowledgable about Vietnamese cuisine and also very full! An added bonus was that Neville also told us where to get a litre of fresh beer for 25p and also gave us restaurant recommendations for Nha Trang and Saigon. It was a great tour as his enthusiasm really carries you through 5 hours of eating :)