Ko Samui

After spending the night in Krabi, we headed across Thailand on our way to Ko Samui. Samui is the 3rd largest Island in Thailand and the biuggest in a chain of Islands known as he Samui Archipelago which includes Ko Tao, Ko Pha Ngan and the Ao thang national marine park.

The purpose of going to Samui, was to spend a week at a Spa. Its not exactly your average backpacker activity, but we found out about it online and it sounded quite good and was relatively cheap. We went to Spa Samui (www.spasamui.com) which was set up about 10 years ago by an american guy who believed in the health benefits of eating raw food and regular cleansing. We had signed up for there most popular program, which was a 7 day fast. Yep-7 Days with NO Food.

There is more to it than that and the program you follow is quite rigid and strict and is designed to clear out your system quickly and easily. We had decided to stay in the Spa Village resort, which is a little away from the town, up in the hillside. This meant that you were very quite and secluded, but as they have another resort on Lamai beach that is only 10 minutes away, then we could have the best of both worlds. On our 1st night at the Spa we were allowed a final meal of Salad! Not exciting, but quite nice. We then watched an instructional video that explained how the fast worked. Our schedule every day for the next 7 days would be as follows:

7.00am - Detox Drink
8.30am - Supplements
8.am -10.am - Colema Board
10.00am - Detox Drinks
10.00am - 11am - Spa Broth Soup
11.30am - Supplements
1.00pm - Detox Drink
2.30pm - Supplements
4.00pm - Detox Drinks
5.30pm - Supplements
6.00pm - 8.00pm - Colema Board
6.30pm - 8.30pm - Spa Broth Soup
7.00pm - Detox Drinks
8.30pm - Supplements

The Detox Drinks are taken 5 times a day, this is about half a pint of diluted fruit juice mixed with 2 tablespoons of Psyllium Husks. This is some sort of indigestible fibre that clears out your gut.Its not nice to drink and you have to down it in one as it gets thicker the longer you leave it. You follow that with another half pint of water.
The Supplements are made up of 6 tablets, taken 5 times a day so 30 a day. These are supposed to replace vital nutrients and stop you feeling hungry. The Spa Broth Soup which you are allowed twice a day is the only "food" you are really allowed. But as it tastes like the old water you just boiled your spuds in,
its not much of a treat and is a struggle to eat it after 2 or 3 days.

The colema board is definitley the worst part of the spa, and if you have just eaten, I would skip this bit as its a bit grim. It is basically a colonic irrigation treatment that you perform yourself twicea day. To do this, you are provided with a bucket with ground coffee in and you add 16 litres of warm water from the shower to create the coffee enema solution. (16 litres of warm coffee - Thats the equivalent of 34 Grande Latte's from starbucks that you are about to shove into you arse) Once the bucket is full, you connect a tube to the bucket, and connect a special lubricated tip to the other end. You then place a board over the toilet and lie down on it. You are given a bulldog clip to control the flow of coffee in and out, and you "gently" insert the tube into yourself. Once it is in, you simply let it flow in and out taking whatever else come out with it, into the toilet. Oh, they also advise you to leave a sieve in the toilet so you can inspect what comes out. Anyway, this is done twice a day, and although the first one is really bad and awkward and just nasty, you soon get used to it. I have helpfully included a photo of the full setup so you can visualise it even better.

One thing that is odd about the spa, is that because everyone who is there is doing the same thing, there is a certain cameraderie and dark humour about the whole thing. You will often end up discussing your bowel movements with someone who was a complete stranger only a few hours ago. There is also a morbid fascination with what day each person is on and how they are reacting to it. By all accounts, day 3 and 4 are the toughest, although I found the first 2 were worse for me; i think it was mainly caffeine withdrawal giving me a pounding headache. Emma found day 5 to be her worst when she just had no energy at all.

During your time at the Spa, you are allowed to do whatever you want, except eat, and can come and go as long as you stick to your schedule. We generally stayed in till 1 and then got the shuttle bus to the beach, and mooched around a bit around Lamai beach which is lovely. On day 4 Emma popped into McDonalds to use the toilet and said the smell of chicken nuggets was heavenly. You are also encouraged to do a lot of frankly odd alternative treatments that they have on offer. (at a cost) We did try the morning meditation but just felt a bit silly being asked to hum for 30 minutes and wave our hands about; but there were more than enough hippy types who flocked to these classes and raved about them. Luckily, we found plenty of cynical types to spend time with by the pool instead.

One thing we did try a lot of was Thai Massage and I think this is a good time to warm everyone about Tha Massage. I'm sure that in the translation fromThai to English, the words for massage and assault have got mixed up. Whilst you do feel quite good afterwards, during the massage, I just felt like I was getting beaten up. It was like I had insulted the girl's family and she really wanted me to suffer. One back massage in particular I was convinced she had broken something they way she kept pounding on my shoulder. Still, you feel a little bruised and dazed, but it does seem to work. Just dont go if you want a nice relaxing comedown after a hard day at work.

After 7 days, you are allowed to eat real food again, but have to stick to raw food for the first day to ease your stomach back into it. I can honestlysay that Fruit has never tasted so good for breakfast. The question is, was it worth it. Well, after 7 days, I had lost 10Kg (just under a stone and a half) and emma had lost 4.5 Kg ( about 10lb). So yes, it was definitely worth it for that reason alone. Now we jsut have to see how long we can keep it off for.

Next stop, Ko Tao where we are doing a Scuba diving course - really glad I lost some weight before trying on those wetsuits :-)