Bing Bong This is a customer announcement. Would Alice McDonnell please update this blog. That's Alice McDonnell, please update this blog. Thankyou

Doreen Noreen!!!!!! How are you my lovely?? I'm very sad about your nose stud, i bet you'll find it in your belly button or something cos i bet u'v not washed ur belly button for a few weeks! ha only joshing! sorry i'm going to write a lot of garbage, but i thought u might like some drivel to read. I've missed you tremendously. The people in Zizzi's miss us taking up a table all evening talking about nothing in particular so i think you should come back for some proper dinner, i don't like the sound of your slop you've been eating! but on the other hand being skinny and brown is a good look and i'm very jealous ha! i hope you've stayed away from the African diseases and are keeping safe! i love u millions and can't wait to see u when you're home. Update your blog biyatch!!!! Lau xXxXx

God mummy Now......... I 'm flaming cross cos the Queen wrote on your blog. You would have thought she would have sent it in a personal letter! How cheap is that? Any stud yet? No thats not a personal question cos I dontneed to know about your love life in a blog. I mean have you asked the local Shaman to fit you another one. I hear they do some real doozers! How many more days until your back? Need to take you out clubbing!!!??? OOOh I hear the creak of my knees already. Maybe not! Love you Al.xxxxx

Nifty Fifty Hi Alice Mcnalice, I am in your room and on your computer!!!!!!! Ha! I do hope your bed is comfortable. Great to hear all your news and that all is not too bad except the slop sounds very dodgy. Mind you Kevin is cooking dinner so could be sympathising with you! Loved katy and james house and can't wait for wimbledon. Pervesere chicken and do your thing for the people of Tanzania. I am very proud to be your auntie! Lor xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Blue Tac Hi Alice, I know you thought you could leave me behind, but that landlord of yours came over and told your amazing housemates that I had to go. He said i needed to be scrubbed off so that is what they did. They're prettttttttttyy amazing. xxx p.s. so kind of Queen Lizzy to take time out of her schedule to say hello

Mum and Dad Hi Al, Just to let you know, we love Katy more than you. Love Mum and Dad xxx

Your nose stud MATE! What happened!?!?!?!? One minute I was in your hooter and the next I was lying in a heap of African dirt. WHAT'S WITH YOU?! Don't you love me any more? You and me mate, we're OVER

Queen Elizabeth II Dear Alice, It is with great honour that I write to you, my subject, in the deepest darkest depths of Africa. How the land has changed since our Colonial rule! My dear servant, watcheth thine road and travel safely with a lantern at all times. Do they serve cucumber sandwiches and tea in 'Africa'? I do hope so. With a royal wave from myself, and my corgies Lizzy

Timon & Pumba HAKUNA MATATA

Godmummy Oh Al who NOSE what will happen next. Hardy har har! You could always have one of those lip plates put in! Oh and I know a great nose man that could fit you with an artificial nose if you have any bother at all........... What an adventure.......soooo jealous but admire you greatly.Keep the fun going honey, oh and work hard tooooooooo (I guess?!?) xxxxx

Shivalicious! Alington-boots! Sorry about the nose stud dramas! GLad u are alive and well tho, and hope to hear some similarly dry/alice style tales soon! Dnt get too brown!! LOVE YOU xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Stefffffyy Wefffyyy That was a delightful read. I was thinking, maybe you could get a flesh tunnel in your nose? Spooner is almost all packed up and ready to go :( But seeing as i still don't have a job sorted i might be bumming around sheff over the summer :) Looking forward to hearing more of your tales. Send my love to Matt. Miss you xxxx

KMCDM Mac Attack! You missed out the part of your blog where you had 'relations' with a black man and got AIDS. Are you saving that for your next installment? I hope so. AIDS is probably as trendy as a nose stud, so you can seek solace in that. Only joking on all of the above. I miss you too much so hurry on by, save the world and come home because I love you xxxxxx

Dad Great to hear from you Al. Sorry about the nose stud - HA HA HA! This will save you having to have that operation we discussed. Hope that the technology is working fine. Very pleased to hear that you have acces to electricity - a real bonus. And that you got a room of your own! Keep your medal close. Tons of love from Dad and Nana.

Gill McDonnell Amazing to hear your news. Honestly sorry about the nose stud as I had almost got used to it. Never mind. If that's all that goes wrong then it is somewhat insignificant. Hope you don't lose your nose too! Good job you like bananas then! xxx