Well it`s got to this time, I`ve come this far,
I`m writing quite late from Guatemala (ar),
Weeks have passed, quite a fair bit of time,
without me writing an infamous Lexy P rhyme,
I write from the haze of Cuba Libre bliss,
forgetting our near escape from a Guatemalan abyss.

The bus rides here, well they can raise one`s hair,
and in the last bus ride I took, I had more than one scare.
I`m either very brave ,courageous and plucky,
or if I get through this country I will count myself lucky.

Ok, that`s quite enough of that nonsense. Was just feeling inspired what with a cuba libre in hand, guitar strains in the air and regular and frequent power cuts and consequent candles making me feel all bohemian and artistic.

So, Guatemala. What a crazy place. Land of green, lush vegetation, giggling Indians, copious amounts of intensely black bus generated pollution, and beans. Beans with rice, beans with tortillas, beans with tomato sauce, beans with a bit of chicken and maybe some bread, corn and rice. It`s Ecuador all over again!!! 3 carbs plus extra rice and chips!

Anyway, food aside, this has been quite an interesting ride. I am going to do my usual to give you a sense of the place, and enter once again into subtitledom.

Here we goooo....

Hasta San Pedro
Let me take you back nearly a week to my last blog entry, when I wrote from the comparative peace and quiet of a lakeside Guatemalan internet cafe in Panajchel.

Newly acquired travel companions at my side (2 gorgeous English gals Lauren and Ellie, and Ozboy Skip), our motley crew gasped with early morn delight at the stunning view of Lake Atitlan lying calm and crystal clear in front of us, with the huge volcano towering on the opposite side, giving no indication of the hideous trials that were yet to come...

And so, post MUCH bartering with the Panachel rudeboys, we zoomed across the lake, and hit gringoland the other side. Hail San Pedro, home of travellers. Grotty hostel acquired, we headed out to see the town.

1 minute later we had covered San Pedro. One street full of gringos, and 100 offers of `do you want to get high`later, we had installed ourselves in a lakeside cafe for some sustenance. Not nutrition you understand, but some strange defrosted vegetable and pesto sandwich concoction. Needless to say, Guatemala will be getting but a derogatory mention in my Food Fiend musings...

In a desperate attempt to work off our frozen vegetable stodgy lunch, we hit the double kayaks, and (with the advantage of a broad shouldered Ozzie helping me out) we raced to the other side, and threw ourselves in the lake in the time for a monumental storm. This was of course the perfect opportunity to tuck ourselves up in a(nother) lakeside cafe/bar and completely ignore the advice of the following day`s volcano climb tourlady to `not drink too much beer`and instead crack into a few local beers, and commence the first chapter of a continuous intense and heated (and of course extremely profound) debate about marmite v. vegemite (further facebook support still accepted) and what exactly is the difference between a crocodile and an alligator. No conclusions yet reached.

Up.
And so it was that with my first step up the monumental San Pedro volcano, at 6am and not in my best form, I remembered all too clearly my solemn vow post Borneo challenge to `never ever ever ever climb a mountain again in a million years`. Too late, we were half way up the (dead) volcano San Pedro, when, much to my intense relief, one of my English lass companions was taken ill and `needed accompanying home`. I took it as my citizen duty to do just that and, upon our return two hours later, revelled in a long shower and a well earned breakfast (post 5 hour upward walk, you understand) whilst our other 2 companions continued in the steadily airless climb upmountain....only... they didn`t make it either! We have made a solemn pact to lie to whoever asks and say that we did, in fact, make it. Which I have just broken. Oops.

Half dead, we all returned across lake to Panachel, only to be caught in a torrential and ohsospeciallyLatinAmerican relentless rainstorm. I attempted to make my escape from the dopey town, only to be thwarted at the travel shop.

So the next day.
Finally we escaped, and caught a bouncy bus on six hours to Antigua. This country is unbelieveably lengthy and bumpy to cross. But we made it, to a town which was almost a carbon copy of San Cristobal, Mexico, where we passed an extremely enjoyable and completely unGuatemalan night out in `Reillys Irish Bar`. Tourists? Us?

And the next.
Yet another lengthy bus journey, this time feeling rather worse for wear, and with me crammed into the front of our (by now token ) white creaky minibus, clutching for dear life at the leg of my neighbour, as our driver proceeded to endanger my life and invite my InsureandGo Silver Level insurance claim at every road turn. Honestly, by the end of this journey I had aged 16 years, and I am now half grey with a twitch. And a crossed eye.

Today!!!!
We are lucky enough to have arrived in Coban, Guatemala, during festival time. As with my previous LatAm experience, this means infinite and relentless, not to mention brainbashingly repetitive, music which can last from 6am till 2 am. I am bowled over by their stamina for listening to the exact same chorus tune 20,493 times in one day.

But we escaped with a visit to a coffee plantation, which was blimmin` brilliant, made even better by a very special bus trip (normal bus capacity 12, feasible bus capacity 27.5, if you include small children) to and from the plantation. There I put my spanish translation skills to the test, with a 2.5 hour tour of detailled historical, social and economical coffee information. It was brilliant, not only for my espanol, but mainly because we got to zipwire (authentically, as real coffee growers would of course) through the trees and across coffee fields, but mainly because there was a cracking cup of real live Guatemalan cawfee at the end of it. 2.5 hours of well earned caffeine.

And that just about sums it up, in the manner that one might expect of a whole 5 to 6 days of travel in a totally whacky country. Am not so keen on Guatemala, and I am looking forward to hitting the beaches of Belize. But it has definitely been an experience...and one which has yet to continue for another couple of no doubt adventure fuelled days...

Food Fiend. (disappointed)

No meals merit mention. Guatemala is not a country you visit for tastebud titilation. But, if you must know.
Beans.
Tortillas.
A continuation of the lime and coriander theme of Mexico but without the taste factor.

etc.