Hola de Chile

As you can see I'm now fully in Chile. Have been a few days but I've been rather busy. This blog will be in 2 parts- initially the see and do bit, followed by what has been a difficult, personal emotional journey. That way you can opt out of the tears and simply enjoy Chile for all I've so far found it to be.

Okay, got a 14 hour bus here from Ushuaia. I was lucky that there were only 5 on the bus so the border crossings were much shorter than before. I got speaking to a couple of young women (as you do) and while Claire is Oirish from Belfast, Michelle is Scottish from Penicuik. For those that don't know the first Scot I meet comes from 10 miles from home.... El mundo es chico....

Althopugh I've not been here too long, I am impressed by Chileans. They had a lot to live up to after Ushuaia and they are doing so. They are more typically S.American in look which is alos nice. While in Argentina the 'wild' dogs were very placid and happy, those here have a wee bit more life and love to chase the cars Oddly cute. The food is better too, less bland and more variety and for my budget I'm glad to say it's cheaper to live and to eat here. People said it would be more expensive but so far this hasn't been the case.

There's very little to do here, it's really a base for going to Torres del Paine national park. It means the Towers of Paine (region) and there are 3 specific towers that are of a special stone (left the details in the hostel) that stand out. According to the guide books this is meant to be 1 of the most beautiful national parks in the world. And guess what? It was something I had decided NOT to do as the guide books talk about awful and variable weather, 60mph winds, rain, snow and worst of all, my favourite alergy camping..... So it was not for me. I did 3 days there.... Why the change? The benefit of travelling is you meet people who give a real their world experience of the travels. And people said it can be done without camping. I was then IN!!! I thought it would be a test of my fitness for Macchu Piccu too. I actually took the easy option. Now, easy is relative. There are 2 VERY expensive hostel you can stay in (thanks to my generous work colleagues as they paid for the 2 night's accommodation + 1 breakfast- you guys now know how expensive it was ) and then do 'The W' without the camping and hiking inbetween. I'm amazed how many people do this and they are really strong as it is hard going hiking with all the kit you need to camp and cook on top of the hiking. Me, I based myself in 2 places and hiked from there. Now I know that this means I do the same trip twice there and back, but hey I get the 2 views. It is a stunning place- an amazing mountain range of variety and colour that takes 2+ hours to get to in bus (again a lot of dirt track driving) and is full of high peaks (up to @3000 metres), ragged cliffs, glaciars, guanacos (the local llama). It's in a way the size and variety that took my breath away. Wherever you look it's a different vista, mountains next to each other of completely different rock, snow fields, beautiful birds that are unafraid wandering ahead of you a a guide, and cleanliness. The water was amazing to drink, straight off the glaciars. I did 3 hikes, the shortest some 20km/ 12.5 miles, the longest nearer 30km. I am pleased to say I managed well. yes my poor legs and especially knees feel it as I am unfit, but there is a natural ability there that made it possible. And I did it in fast times, especially given you start from ground level there's a lot climbing and decending (I'm not so hot on the up but watch my dust on the down). I did manage to get into a couple of ooops places. With a french guy we went up the wrong ridge to the Tres Torres and the 60mph winds were really quite powerful. It was a case of hold on, wait for gap, then climb hard on all fours.... The view was spectacular, but I wonder if my colour blindness made it less impressiveness for me. Second day was Glacir Grey which is amazing as you come upon it from above and see just how FAR it goes on and on..... Stunning. Up close less so, especially after Perito Moreno. This was a hard day as I walked 14.5km (excluding 1-2km detours up and down hills for photo's) to the end. Then realised I was knackered and it was 5.15. It gets dark at 8.15, bit like a light switch dark.... And the map said it should take 5.5 hours to get back. So I did it in 2hr45 making my 8pm target by 10 seconds.... and nearly killing my legs along the way.... Made the third day hard, especialy as this technically was the hardest walk, lots uphill, across boulders in water and poorly marked etc. I made it to the top but not without a lot of leg discomfort and it felt so slow. It was also largely in trees so the views were limited. Boohoo. However, once up I did get a fantastic vista for 10 seconds before the wind and flying drizzle again kicked in. I was so lucky with the weather. Mostly it was sunny and really warm with clear blus skies or floaty little clouds. I was mostly in a T shirt...... which was interesting as nearly everyone else was in thermals, heavy pullover, waterproofs, hat, gloves and they still felt cold........ The last day was a bit colder due to the cold wind (it does come off glaciars after all) and the rain/ drizzle. But hey, still mostly in a T shirt. I spect 3 days/ 2 nights there and it was lovely. As I wore the same clothes for 3 days (and did sweat a wee bitty) I thought I'd put my clothes in to the laundry today rather than do a hand wash. I did not like the hostels in the park as they were so noisy and stupidly expensive- there's no way locals can visit in comfort which is simply wrong. I met a lot of people (oddly 3 couples with a blond german partner to a male from another country) and enjoyed many a conversation- Singles, couples and a group of Spanish who seemed to adopt me a bit. I think that's a compliment to my growing confidence in speaking Spanish. And yes I again met a widow- she did the same as me but went to Peru some 5 years after her loss. So similar. What nations did I meet- dutch, english, german, french, american, spanish, bulgarian, mexican, irish, scots... says a lot about the costs of Torres del Paine- and none of it good for native people. I also changed to another hostel upon my return to Puerto natales and it's much nicer. The joys of flexibility.

So here I am, awaiting the old ferry that should have left tomorrow but goes Saturday instead- late due to bad weather. Should be a fun crossing. I think it'll be a tourist trip as most in the hostel are awaiting the ferry and someone said next week prices go off season so there are only 70 booked instead of 220.... Hopefully my 4 bed room will have only me. And hopefully the weather will continue to be generous to me and I can also see some of the wildlife enroute- realistaically my biggest hope is whales as I'm almost sure to see penguins, seals, dolphins and assorted sea birds. I even have something called a book to do something called reading if it gets boring.....

While the legs are sore, the real pain I have felt has been personal, emotional. The first night in a locals restaurant I came to realise that while I do miss Pauline, it's not really this that's the base of my journey. I miss her unconditional acceptance of me so I didn't eed to search and face up to who I am. I don't like being alone but know I now need to find me, I can't go back to being the old me, I need to overcome the crap from childhood and the loss of a perfect place with someone. This is a journey into finding and accepting me. I have so much more awareness of my weaknesses, my limitations, mostly towards myself, that mean I can't live a complete life. While in the park, after a special moment my mind was wandering and I could hear it thinking, saying I have a strong heart (as in: no way is this walk was going to kill me through my heart) but this then changed to I have a good and strong heart and I give so much so well to others. I then simply could not say, and later had great difficulty writing that I need to love who I am. Yes this comes from knowing who I am. And yes this is the journey I am on, I have set for myself actually here. So I guess it's working. However it is very hard, it's lonely, it's tearful, it's about finding then accepting then being. ME. Building on those strengths, using some I only seem to use for others for me. I do feel better for this, but also sad. Sad it's taken me so long to get here, yet equally proud. It's no longer about Pauline. It's now about me. It's about me looking after me and not only others. That doesn't mean I don't miss her, but the missing is no longer the hindrance it was as I move into a different place for me and stop holding on to her and what we had (holding on to Pauline also being a problem for me to be able to continue with Kitty). So here I am, challenging myself. Amazed at how many people I've met, seem to have been accepted by, not made any of my stupid faux pas with, had some interesting and deep conversations with, made happy and gained happiness from. Maybe I am not the horrible person people don't like. Maybe I've changed to stop making friendships fall apart through my inner fears. I know this will only be true in time as time is the test. But, I already have proven so much to me of me that I don't expect this to be such a big issue upon my return. I still need to find interests and things to do I like. But that'll come. Hey, I may even like this travel lark. If I eventually live in a caravan I guess that'll prove the point as I sold the house to buy a cheaper flat to fund this trip.....

I guess the blog will holiday until I hit Chile again after my boat trip. I don't actually know where I'm going when I get off the ferry. maybe Santiago, maybe Chiloe. That's a nice change- no worrying about where I'll next be So it's likely to be a week or more before I write (doesn't mean I'm dead dear parents) again. Hopefully with more adeventures of daring do. And hopefully for me more positive internal changes.

Ciao

Aln xx