WWOOFING
Officially a wwoofer. Whats that then? It's a website where organic farmers posted their farms on then chumps like me come along and say they would like to come work for free. USUALLY it is on return for bed and food, and exchange of wholesome farming knowledge and tips. But all this varies country to country, farm to farm.

MY FARM
Greenland Community Farm in a state of Belize called Stann Creek. Think hilly jungle. Everywhere I look it's a pattern of palm leaves.

THE BOSS MAN
It's a man called cris who owns the place. He is great, travelled the world, learnt many languages, and now takes groups of people around Mexico and Belize - what a job. So his house was a shack, but him and his wife built it into a beautiful house, and with the help of Dom Pedro - the El Salvadorian farmer - they now have have a wealth of fruit, veg, spices and chickens to tend. THE BOSS IS PURE DEAD INTO WILDLIFE AND PLANTS TOO. Right now he is working on his outside kitchen (that I've been working on) and another cabana for us wwoofers.

MY CABANA
I'm in the thatched rafter (my farming counter part is downstair) and can see over the trees and creek in front of it. One and a half bamboo walls. It's especially cosy when it rains. The geckos run around and shout in my roof..

THE SNAKE PIT
Fact: Belize has the top seven deadliest snakes of central America. There is no bridge across the creek yet, so to cross you go to where the water is lowest and trudge across the mud using the pushed over long grass and bamboo to help. One day I followed cris over waiting to find out what my first task was. We trudged over (might I add that the wells boots have holes in them because I was too tight to buy my own boots to only wear for two weeks) and he takes me to a small clearing in the grass of dark, and fertile soil. He sees something, bends and picks it up. "oh look boa eggs". Gives me my orders then left. I know I'm being a big gringo chicken, but it did make for a speedy completion rate.

Another day, in my haste to get out the pit a nearly stood on a turtle, just a little guy. I now see him every so often from my window / platform.

OTHER WILDLIFE
Hummingbirds are everywhere. Love hearing them, sometimes they come hover really close checking me out.

The iguanas are massive here. The males are bright orange, easy to spot. They look like mini tree dragons. I can watch the iguanas in the tree in front of my cabana.

CHEWING THE FAT
Man, day 2 of being on the farm, I walk into the kitchen and there is a head of a pig just looking at me.
Dom Pedro takes an afternoon out to hack, chop, clean and dice what he wants.
One evening when I'm cooking my stir fry he is adding cubes of pig to a pan of frijoles (black beans / kidney beans) and a pan of hot oil. He asks if i would like some. Of course I don't refuse. So I get three cubes of deep fried pig fat. It's pitch black in the kitchen bar a feint kerosene lamp - which may have helped.

I sat in the kitchen chewing fried pig fat for eternity. On reflection the fried part was fine. It was the unfried, straight up fat part I struggled with.

GOT A LADY ITCH
Dom Pedro is illiterate. First day and he says to cris he got some drugs for his arthritis, runs up to his cabaña to get cris to read over the instructions.

I make my cup of tea then turn to observe. Cris is holding a Canestan thrush box in one hand and the large pill / cream applicator in one hand - confused face.

His daughter gave him three boxes of the stuff for arthritis in his knees.

JAGUARS
Play a part here. I met a feisty and fat lady who is the voice of the local people. There were some genuine enough issues she mentioned. One was farmers being penalized for killing jaguars that kill their livestock. Formally farmers are supposed to let the government know when jaguars intrude so they know they have a problem (farmers do not get reimbursed), but because now they are killing the jaguars and not telling anyone (except everyone in the village obviously). So the government thinks jaguars don't trespass and jaguars and farmers livelihoods are being killed. This is one of her problems.

LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS
This place is small (Belize). You can drive top to bottom in eight hours (mind these are central america roads and not free / highways) and the population is quoted to me at 350,000.

I'm told that there are a large amount of fruit farms here, and a large amount of them are owned by one man. A notorious drug dealer. He has had planes landing on the main road at night. They bailed and the plane got confiscated, so they went in and took it back. It's now back smuggling drugs..I am told.

Just telling a couple more people about this corruption.

One story involved lots of funding for the police force to crack down on drugs, when folk here tell me the police smuggle it themselves. Tis a job for Ross Kemp.

BED TIME STORY
After dinner with Dom Pedro in the kitchen, I was just leaving and said my buenas noches when he said something mumblespanishtiger. I did the rewind walk. Two weeks ago a tiger (I'm assuming a jaguar) ate a dog one night on the farm near us. Mia (the farm guard dog, who, as they always are, is lovely once you are her friend, standing by my side when he told me.

SATURDAY NIGHT
Seen the cockerel (who is stunning) chasing three hens in a row around the garden.

Couldn't help think of a dear friend of mine in 'The Den' (Inverness night club for those who have not had the privilege) on a saturday night.

2nd December
Today I got up, tucked away my mozzy net and went down for breakfast. Been having a grapefruit each morning that cris and I picked when he came. These are not like the grapefruit I remember gran having for breakfast. These are delicious!! After it was cornflakes, powdered milk (as my uht ran out (you don't get fresh unless you go to special efforts, plus I don't have a fridge)), banana and honey washed down with a tea. Today was a farm day, Dom Pedro gave me the job of pruning the banana trees, pulling / machete'ing all the old leaves off. In doing so we found two banana clusters ready for chopping and waiting for ripening. Did you know, when a cluster is ready the whole arm / trunck dies. Muerte. The leaves I took down I stuffed around the base to make the soil nice and fertile for the new trunks growing in. After, it rained. A lot. I have sat up in my cabana reading and eating. The first meal was green pepper, tomato and ocre fried, frijoles and pork. Second meal was three tortillas, honey, a diced banana and peanut bitter with a cup of tea. I ate that when I finished my book. I then did ten sit ups. Also, I seen two turtles today playing with a grapefruit in the creek.