11 June 2010

On a warm summers evening on a train bound for York, I met up with he ticket collecter and he asked me for my pass, I reached into my handbag and I passed it to the joker, then boredom over took meand I pinched his ass. I said pal I've made my life out of pinching people's asses . . . . Okay so over 50% of this is true, I am sure you can decide what is and isn't!!

I am proud to say I was the only arrivee into York who was escorted from the station by 'locals' Bradley (Bjy) and Narelle (Nev). It was a catch up session on our way into town and straight into a pint of Carlsberg. Before we knew it the wolf pack had quadroupled in size as more London based kiwi's encrouched on Yorkie Porkie. We shimmied down to the riverside pub called (nope no free advert here pub) to indulge in our 2 free budwisers, only to find that they didn't have any in stock and weren't offering an alterative pah, we should have left but didn't. More catch ups were had over a few beers, saving our pennies and brains for tomorrow we headed off just after 12. Bjy, Nev, Flynny and I went via Macca's as you do. Well what treat was awaiting us there and I am not referring to the mars milkshakes or the doble cheese burgers with added mayo, lettuce and tomato, no it was a sleeping fox, silver fox aka 40+ local, apparently a porn star, David. Well his als had deserted him and he was lying asleep on his table in a fairly empty macca's. Well it was the near full pottle of chips that initially attracted Bjy to the table, I'm not sure that he indulged but he did go for the sauce pottle on the resting head trick. Well this did not even startle ol silver fox. Well we made our purchases and sat down on the benches near the door to demo. Bjy couldn't help himslef and lodged a chip in the air job - that was the ticket!!! He awoke and we retreated, he gradually got up and stumbled towards the doorway and them all of a sudden as if he was struck by an adrenalin shot he was back to life, instead of leaving Macca's he swang over to our table and struck up some banter!! No doubt he was coerced by our goodlooks, and his was confirmed later!! Ol silvey was a hoot he told flynny who is all of 5ft tall to (say it to yourself in an english accent) "get in my pocket" as well as joking with us and even allowed us to call him silver fox. Another highlight was when he lurched into a solo rendition at the top of his lungs of . . wait for this . . . WHO LET THE DOGS OUT! Well we may have helped him out on the "who who who who" bit. Well he then proceeded to start asking Nev out (I think he was attracted to her potty mouth and crude humour), I don't know how many ways a gal can say no haha. Well we decided to walk to the taxi stand around the corner wth Silver fox in tow. Just as we were about to wak out the sliding doors, Silver fox, just when you think he can't do better than a repeat of who let he dogs out Silver fox gives the quote of the century in song "If it feels gooood, do it". We decided that should be Macca's new slogan and then fat people from all over the world can feel ok about eating Macca's!! Well we cued up for a taxi and asked a lady also waiting if she knew who silver fox was, she said that he did look familiar, so of course we proceeded to tell her that he informed us he was the town pornstar (we actually thought he would be some rich old man who might have had connections for the races or even to get us into a pub or open up his home to us to watch the all blacks, haha always an ultarium motive!!). We climbed in and waved the silver fox off but he at the last secd knocked on the door and decided to hitch a ride to our place. . .and then carry on home. Well on the journey home we could not convince him to give us any dets or hook ups, we did invite him back over to watch the rugga on our lappy but as time told, he did not take us up on the offer.

12 June 2010

Boom, no hanger over

Boom, live streaming of All Blacks

Boom, Bradley Patton omelettes

Boom, Race day!!!!

We started at 10:45am to the Priory Pub in York. Once everyone had gatered and had a few brews we headed towards the raceway. We hummed and harred about geting a taxi or wlaking 20minutes in heels, decided to walk, some gals had prepacked flats (bloody thinkers). So off we waltzed, well not very far before . . . . . . is it a bird, is it a plane, no its. . . ... .. Jordania and he has snavelled us up a private bus for a mare £1 each (pun intended). Well we rocked on in, I managed to get right through to our area carrying a bag of illegal red bulls (weren't allowed drinks or fod in our area) only slightly hidden under my jacket and we had stashed our vodka in foil squeezee packets down the boys pants and in a handbag that wasn't searched either!! Others weren't as lucky. Unfortunately we were a tad bit late and missed out on securing a table or chairs but snatched up a nice wee patch up grass right by the fence line. The sun was shining ad Nev was pouring our vodka's like water!

Some of us gals got a wee syndicate going and I also decided to place a few bets myself for the day. They are a bit behind the times over here, n computer checking system and they give the odds in fractions which was a bit passed by skill and probably resulte in my unlickiness for the day - not one win. Well not that I would know as you need to check who wins and we were a wee way from the finish line, so if you cant see you basically have no choice but to trust the bookie. On discussion of this te gals dared me to challenge the bookies asthey checked mytickets and accusing them of lying and at the same time capture their reactions, haha I did but to tell you the truth the people of York are bloody god characters, they took it in there strides, had a joke back or if I missed the money shot they posed!! Take these other people for example as well - THE COPPER - I approached one copper, following yet another dare this time from a hens party, to aks him if he had anything to rub on my chest . . . pause for effect. . . police officer reaches into one of his vest pockets. . . a gun. . . no and just as I am about to say (obviously this is all happening in normal speed this description makes it appear in slow mo) or my face lke sunscreen, but he is such a cheecky we b***** like me and cottoned on and whipped out some small packets of ...sunscreen, champion - THE SECURITY GUARD - This joker let me get on his microphone walkie talkie and call code red code red, back up required at east gate and then later on let me try and hook him up with a date over the walkie talkie - ALAN CARR - This famous dude hung out with us all day, champion, oh . . . hang on that was just hutchy not the real alan carr!!

Well after the last race, the vodka caught up with narelle, then it caught up with the ice bucket and the grass haha get it!! We finally got some seats, as the place was deserted, finished our brews and watched the first half of the World Cup Football England vs USA then taxi's into town.

Favourite's in town were a local duo performing live at me fave we small pub, and for us kiwi peops they even managed a few Crowded House numbers. I also gave them the tip 'I'll give you the tip' to learn 10 Guitars!!

Well what could beat this you ask, lets try another visit to McDonalds. What another fiasco we had here, not quite the same as bumping into Silver Fox but lets start by saying two boys who lookde like 12 year old nearly got a hiding from a bunch of 25 - 31year olds hahahah. So hutchy and I line up behind the two dud who look like kids, and I have no idea how it started but all of a sudden words were flying backwards and forwards, unfortunately Hutchy did not want to be the bigger man and ignore the t*** so this made things worse, they called hutchy bald, said "the girls" aka boobs weren't up to scratch among other things, so we retreated (it was hard for me to leave te line and miss out on my food but something had to be done). Well hutchy began pacing back and fourth between them and our mates, then pocket cket 5ft tall smallest dude in thebuilding storms up to have a go and the accusations just kep flowing. Finally they get there food and have to walk right past us, words are flying noses are flaring and the McDonalds staff are grouping around (haha not like the Jerry Springer look alike guard they have in invers they dont have security here in York Mcd's). Well out of no where Jeremy MUlvey who has been so busy geting his protien intake from his 5 burgers to take part or even appear to be associated with us, springs up, points his finger and in a loud booming voice tells these kids that he better shut the heck up and stop cussing with his friends, Or else, hahaha it took us all by suprise and certainy shut them up!! I guess I should mention it was now 2:30am and we had been drinking for 16 hours so of course maturity had gone out the window after drink C! Well we finally left and their parting shot was to call Peta fat, she later begins to cry. Nev consoles her and says are you really going to listen to those wee kids?? They dont know what they are talking about and are just trying to rial you up to which peta replies, well they called hutchy bald, and he is, so it must be true, hhahaha Oh Pete the meat you are a treat!! xxoo