A few years ago, I was standing in this very room at a birthday party. I was holding a large goblet of fine Bordeaux when suddenly it inexplicably sprang out of my hand and wine flowed all over the cream carpet and up the cream wall. Being early in the evening, intoxication was not to blame, but it was nonetheless acutely embarrassing. Months later, the stain had been finally cleared up, after a barrage of lotions, potions and specialist cleaning materials. Today, there was a repeat run, with red finding its way to the exact same spot which I'd targeted some years earlier, but this time, I was not the culprit (thank god). I'll admit, this gave me a slightly schadenfreudesque feeling. Whenever this happens, everyone calls for salt and white wine, but I'm sceptical....