Admit it... We've all seen the show and laughed at the Asian people who insist on carrying the most ridiculous items through one of the world's most notoriously pernickety immigration departments. Border Control, based in Australia's airports, is on repeat virtually every day of the year, and it was the very show that had us worried that Australia wouldn't even let us in on arrival from Asia. Luckily though, our tourist visas were accepted with a bright and cheery 'g'day' from customs officials, and a very firm stamp in our passports- which was good as that show was actually being filmed as we arrived. Who knows, perhaps you'll see us in the background next time you tune in…? We'll be behind the Thai woman who conveniently forgot how to speak English when half a forest was discovered concealed in her socks….

Anyway, we arrived in Melbourne extremely tired after our flight. Bleary-eyed we stumbled on to a shuttle bus which took us directly to a YHA youth hostel, and passed out on their sofas as we were too early to check-in.

Remember how we said we were travelling to balmy Australia in Autumn? No such luck… As it turns out, we were to bring the super hot weather with us. Melbourne was experiencing a freak heatwave with temperatures well over 30degrees. Fortunately the intense humidity stayed in Asia so it was a tad easier to bear though.

After a couple of hours of resting up, we checked in to our room at 1pm and found a couple of European guys passed out in their bunk beds. There was no aircon, the room was boiling and these guys were clearly sleeping off a hangover. We quickly left them to it, and ventured out into the city to explore.

Wow, who would have thought Australia could be a culture shock? Backpackers and students are all over the place, there are chain restaurants on every street, the roads are swept and there are level pavements beside them too. Oh, and public toilets are actually toilets - not holes in the ground… Mental.

Once we got our poor, jaded heads around the fact that we are now back in Western civilisation, we stopped moaning that we'd only just mastered squat toilets, and opened our eyes to what this country had to offer.

First things first… this is Melbourne, so forget those visions of a large expanse of dry land. There will be no kangaroos hopping at our feet, nor will locals be sporting Crocodile Dundee style hats. And, if we spot a Koala it's most likely to be stuffed in a gift shop wearing a Crocodile Dundee hat with corks dangling off it.

What this city does offer though, is a whole bunch of super-fit, uber-competitive Australians; a great tram system that gives it character; and a beach not too far away where we could dip our feet in the Australian shore for the first time. To put it in Australian terms…. Sweeeet.

Anyway, back in the hostel we were told to walk ten minutes to the free tourist tram which does a loop around the top touristy sights. Only we realised after a couple of stops that the one we caught wasn't actually free... Luckily we managed to get off and on the correct one before anyone noticed!

We hopped off in the main shopping area and looked for a hairdresser to sort out our frazzled locks. We know it's been a while since we uploaded photos - but trust us when we say Bret's curls have never been so curly - no really - and Nat's hair is now a fried shade of blonde. Unfortunately, no one used the colour Nat has back in the UK and quite frankly the sheer sight of Bret's curls had most hairdressers running a mile, so we decided our hair was the least of our worries really. It was for the best, as the prices were even more than London. So once we gave up on that, we nipped into the tourist information centre.

Oh how strange it is to be a tourist here. These amazing little centres are full with over-excited staff who make it their personal mission to ensure us tourists know exactly what we're doing. A proud Aussie handed us a forest worth of fliers and made it ridiculously easy for us to just pick out the bits we liked the look of, and also telling us how much everything would cost… What's that? No more haggling? Travelling here was going to be a piece of cake.

We may not have been in The Land Down Under long, but it's been long enough to know that our budget would be stretched. So anything that was free was on our agenda. First, we decided to take a free tourist bus to the free Botanical Gardens South of the CBD. Sadly, in true Bret and Nat style, we couldn't find the bus stop. After ages walking around working up a sweat and asking policemen, tram drivers and anyone who seemed friendly enough for help, we realised that the line we were looking for was one-way and would not go South - so we needed to walk down the road to catch a bus in the opposite direction. By the time we got there, the free buses had finished for the day… wonderful.

On the up side we ended up taking a nice stroll on the beatiful South bank and lazed on the riverbank to watch the rowing clubs going out for a session as the evening settled in instead.

Across the water was a lovely little pub so after some time sat looking at it longingly we eventually decided to treat ourselves to a couple of nice cold ciders there, and toasted our arrival to Australia.

The next day we went to the famous Victoria Market… but that was closed. Then we went to the exhibition hall… but that was closed as well. Apparently people here don't like mornings! But we managed to blag free entry into Melbourne Museum by posing as students. We had fun looking at dinosaur exhibits, and learning about the geographical history of Australia. The museum was really cool, and we could have stayed longer but decided then to head on to the Parliament House for a free tour instead… Oh yes, we've tracked down those freebies like pros.

The tour took us through the upper and lower houses, and we learned about the political system in the state of New South Wales, and a bit about Federal politics too. To be honest, the system is fairly similar to what we have back home in the UK. What was cool was being able to sit in the speaker's chair though…!

We don't mean to keep banging on about how expensive everything is here, but just to give you an idea - what we used to spend on an evening meal for two in Asia, will now only buy us one small bottle of coke. Even bottled water costs an arm and a leg. So it was a fast food lunch at Subway, where we shared a sandwich between us. Don't feel sorry for us, it was a foot long sandwich, and there was no curry powder sprinkles so we left feeling satisfied. We wandered around the China Town area and into the old shopping area. Jo and Steve said they'd been to an awesome fish and chips near here back when they were here, so we did our best to track it down with no joy. We did, however, find an outdoors clothes shop where the hunt for zip-off trousers for Nat was finally successful. Hurrah! And to make her feel extra happy she managed to squeeze into a pair two sizes smaller than the ones she left the UK in… Thank you backpacker's diet and normal Western sizes!

We finished our walk along the beautiful South Bank and picked up a couple of free tickets to the warm-up day at the Formula 1 - which was due to take place the following day. When we planned this part of the trip we did our best to avoid the F1. We assumed we wouldn't be able to afford to go, and accommodation prices in the city would only sky rocket anyway. So after the warm up, we planned to head on to Sydney before the weekend's racing kicked in. As is happens, tickets for race day are a fraction of what it costs at Silverstone, so we were kicking ourselves for having already booked an early flight. Nevertheless, we looked forward to a free day at the track the next day to have a nosey around.

That evening we took a short tram to St Kilda. This was where we dipped our toes into the Ocean for the first time. The area is much like Brighton in atmosphere, and we enjoyed watching athletic people play volleyball on the beach and some really cool kite-surfing in the sea. We also saw some little blue penguins during a walk along the pier. These little guys are the smallest of all the penguins, and were super cute hiding away in their little nests… Aww!

On the way home, it was the moment we'd be hoping for. There was a slight chill in the air, and we wished we had a sweater with us. It was a lovely feeling after over seven weeks of melting!

The following morning though was yet another scorcher as we headed to the Grand Prix. As Melbourne is celebrating 60 years of hosting F1 racing, they'd put on plenty of events for us to see and do on the free warm-up day. We had such an awesome day watching people doing stunts on motorbikes, driving bumper cars and watching V8 qualifying. We also got to see some old racing cars.

It was great to have a whole day's entertainment, and it hadn't cost us a cent. In fact we even managed to pick up some freebies as some promoters were handing out shampoo samples (we each went round three times to collect more). Who said Australia can't be cheap, eh?!

Each of the F1 drivers were also giving out autographs throughout the day. We couldn't be bothered to wait in the massive line for any of the major teams, and instead opted to join the shorter queue to meet Red Bull drivers Ricardo and Vergne… We reckon F1-mad Joshua might be a tad jealous of this, so there's a little something from the drivers on its way to him now… (Let us know if it makes it!)

We took the long route back into the centre of the city - via the botanical gardens, and another lovely walk along the river which had great views of the Rod Laver Arena, where the Australia Open is held. There were also lots of schools arriving on the river for some sort of sports day rowing tournament, so we had to dodge the boats to avoid getting knocked out as hundreds of them were carried in and out of the water. It's no wonder the people of Melbourne are so super-fit, if this is how they spend their sports day - at least it beats the egg and spoon race! Seriously though, if the locals aren't rowing, they're jogging, cycling, skating, or kite-surfing. There's such a competitive vibe around the entire city.

Anyway, none of that nonsense for us… We ended up our stay in Melbourne with a lovely cold beer and a pizza at Federation Square in the heart of the city. This place is where the people of Melbourne celebrate, protest or party… so it's their version of Trafalgar Square. The only difference is, Federation Square isn't actually square…

Anyway, we're now preparing for to head to Sydney tomorrow. But thanks, Melbourne, for an amazing welcome to Australia… we reckon we're going to enjoy the ride…