"It's easy," Malcolm says, glancing over his shoulder, "just look at the weather outside. Why would I want to go back to Scotland?" Expending vast amounts we have opted to stay at the posh Al Qasr Jumeriah. Everybody says hello to you, even the security guard on every floor. The downside is that we can only afford to travel cattle class on Emirates. Not to worry, with 16 restaurants to choose from, a fantastic beach (hot sea) and pool (cooled), transport b...

"Do you wish lunch sir?" "What's the choice?" "Chicken or lamb" Faced with a big decision like that, maybe the seat in front would provide inspiration. Was it to be 'Yes' or 'No Thanks'. It wasn't an easy choice. The Indian looking fellow is hunched over his pawky pull out table praying to Mecca, at 34,997 feet, then when finished pulls out and puffs an e-cigarette, just something to figit with I guess. Well, he's not really smoking I don't suppose. Sti...