So far settling in is proving to be far harder than I expected. I remember that before we left, we had previous exchangers talk about their experience and warn us of post-exchange depression, but I never, ever thought there was any chance it would affect me. I think it's because even when my exchange finished - I continued to travel for a bit, I applied for the mentoring program (mentoring international students at Otago), and am being a kiwi-host (living in a flat with international students). So really, my international experience is still going on.

What surprises me is that I don't feel down because the excitement of travelling around the world has finished. In fact it's what I craved for weeks and weeks - being able to slow down and get a routine back. The hardest thing is that so much has changed back home since I left.

Admittedly, before I left I thought my lifestyle sucked. Living at home with my family became super frustrating (sorry mum and dad), and I really wanted to experience heaps of changes and be crazy. But right now, there's nothing I want more than to pick my brothers up from school, drive up to our house in Concord, dump my stuff on our old couches and give Ghana pats. Just like before.

It's weird because really Dunedin is the same little kiwi city as it was before. And I still have all my lovely friends here and Matt who is an absolute life saver. But I feel more alone than ever before right now. Sorry for sounding like such a total emo, but this seems to be a huger downer about doing a round the world trip. And I've definitely been surprised by how I've reacted. Even simple things like one of the Night and Day stores on George Street has gone! And the BP petrol station by Matt's house has gone! It makes me feel so upset which is paaaathetic but right now I absolutely despise change and wish I could just go back in time.

My plan is to just give myself a few days to settle in and see how it goes. I actually think I'm feeling my lowest now for as long as I can remember so hopefully it gets better.

On the upside, being back in New Zealand has definitely had very positive elements. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy to be back here. There's nowhere in the world better than New Zealand - I think it's mostly the shock of returning and discovering how different things were. But over time I'll get used to it and it'll be fine.

Pegasus, where my family live, is so beautiful it's insane. I'm so happy they have settled well there. It's absolutely perfect for them.

We also had an interesting experience as a tornado and huge storm hit! The hail was seriously almost the size of golf balls. At first we thought it would be cool to stand outside and soak in the experience, but it quickly became far too painful to bear so we retreated within about ten seconds.

Another thing is that we had a really pleasant day today. We woke up early, had a nice coffee with Matt's mum, my mum and Matthew. Then we had a lunch with Matt's brother. Then we had a big, fat nice drive back to Dunedin which was beautiful and green! I slept for a lot of it, but it was good seeing familiar territory again.

We also had an amazing surprise when we returned to Matt's flat. His sister and flatmates had everything super clean for us with a welcome banner, New Zealand music and lots of love and tasty treats! I'm sorry if it didn't seem like I appreciated it much, I was just very tired and emotional, but just want to say thank you guys heaps <3 <3 You have no idea how important it is for me to feel loved right now!

The night finished with a delicious dinner at Speights Ale House with Matt, Matt's mum, Catherine, Seb and Andy. These guys will be my Dunedin family this year and I'm so grateful to have them so close by.

So that's it for tonight. Sorry it's so depressing. I really don't know what's got in to me but hopefully writing this blog will help sort my head out a bit. It's all definitely very alien to me and I have absolutely no idea how to cope with it. All I can say is thank god I have a boyfriend who deals with me no matter what state I'm in!

P.s. I still really miss Ghana more than I ever could have imagined :(