HO CHI MINH- PHU QUOC ISLAND
We stayed in Ho chi Minh only over night, as we were told it was busier than Hanoi, however when we arrived the city appeared to be quite beautiful, well maintain and much more orderly than Hanoi ( there's my control issues again!) We stayed in district 1, and the shops we passed on our walk mirrored Melbourne in many ways- so maybe we were in the affluent area of town so our perception of HCMC is a little warped. We had dinner at a fabulous Indian restaurant! SO MANY veggie options and dishes we had never encountered before- it took us half an hour to order just the entrees! Let alone choose from 30 delicious veggie mains!! Agh! Stuffed capsicum and tomatoes in a cashew nut spicy gravy and stuffed chillies in crunchy batter were just gorgeous- a tastebud sensation- if only I had a tap installed!!! This was one of the more elaborate feasts which cost us a grand total of 15 dollars each, a splurge on the usual 5 dollar dining for 3 courses and drinks. Which is quite the bargain when your only eating once a day, as brekky of some description was usually included in the accommodation.
We were hoping to journey to Phu Quoc Island via the Mekong however due to TET, we were fortunate even to get a flight- hence we chose that option. Which in hind sight turned out to be better, as we had more time soaking up the beach and all the that entails.
After spending the day swimming, sunning, walking and playing games we figured it was time to check out what our options were for the week. So we hired a motorbike and set off southward to Sao beach. 30km doesn't sound like much, but when your bouncing around on the back of a motorbike on roads better described as donkey tracks- 30km is a LONG way. Its amazing how all safety measures get thrown to the wind when you are traveling in another country. In oz we would never contemplate getting on the motor bike without helmet, jacket gloves boots etc even when its 30 degrees- yet here, the helmets barely cover the crown of your head, shorts and tee-shirt are the local attire plus a pair of irish safety boots( thongs). And heres the kicker- the roads are diabolical- if we were gonna fall off anywhere it would be here- but still, we do as the romans do!! ( And employee our band of motorbike angels).
We only went half way when it dawned on us that we would be visiting this beach as part of the snorkeling tour tomorrow- so we back tracked and found a nice place with fresh fruit for lunch.
We set off early with a crew from our resort to meet the boat at the southern port of Phu Quoc. There had been some heavy rain the day before, however the weather was supposed to be nice. The weather maybe- but one look at the boats in the port rocking and rolling, plus the water washing up over the jetty- mmm, my stomach turned and a sense of dread set in- I was not looking fwd to the boat trip!!! The 11 of us clambered aboard Tony's boat, seated and anticipating our departure- surely the water will settle once we head out a little. In true Vietnamese style, our boat was literally surrounded by another 15 boats- mmm how exactly to we get out of here?? Well you just push your way through between two boats of course!!! There were anchor ropes going every which way- normally this 'system' probably works just fine, only for us as we powered engines to take off we had another boats anchor rope wrapped around the propellor- Oi Oi Oi, meanwhile we are rocking and rolling and I'm thinking- brekky is coming up before we even make it out of the port!!!
Finally we head off- the ginger tablets kick in and we eventually find calmer water. There were many instances that day I thought I'd be making burli for the fisherman, but somehow I managed to breathe my way through and surrender to the motion- so no hurling overboard for me- it was a very fine line though, my vomit threshold must be improving.
We also experienced a rat on deck that had everyone's knees up under their chins- we personally didn't see it but, I'm definitely following the lead on that one! The practical jokers amongst us had plenty of fodder for the remainder of the day, that's for sure!
We had the opportunity to snorkel two islands- it was nice and we saw some beautiful fish and an amazing purple octopus- but over all, it was sad- sad because like everything else over here, there was SO much rubbish, in the water and on the bottom amongst the coral. We saw ONE piece of green coral, the rest we could imagine had once been spectacular- but it was bleak, and damaged, and broken from anchors and felt oppressed. I know that sounds weird to say that about coral, but you could feel the lifelessness in the water- it was hanging on to survive- it was not thriving. If we only knew how important these creatures are- like the amazon is the lungs of the land, the coral is the lungs the ocean. We don't realize how fortunate we are in Australia. We should be talking personal responsibility for what we use and abuse in our own little part of the world- cos even if you don't live near the GB reef- the choices you make daily, affect it greatly. Packaging, chemicals, so many things we do and consume have repercussions down the line that frankly we would rather remain oblivious too. Maybe it's time to open our eyes and really see.
As part of the snorkeling tour, we also visited a pearl farm. Once again, we observed how easily we get caught up in the illusion. Admiring these spectacular creations, an array of colours we had never seen before. To learn about the length of time the oysters spend creating these pieces of perfection(3-7yrs). To learn that an oyster has a liver and a gut and a reproductive system and then to learn that they are discarded-tossed as side as byproducts, that the 'Beauty' within is of more value than the maker. Not only that, baby oysters are implanted with a piece of oyster shell to ensure a one to one reward. We were allured. We had pieces picked out for gifts upon our return- then we stopped, looked at each other and said- what are we doing???!!! Yes they are beautiful, but at what cost! After we felt into what was really going on here, we could not condone and support the industry- so there will be no sacrificing of oysters on our behalf- sorry mum!
Tropicana Resort, was one of the first to be built on the island before it became a tourist attraction. Now you can walk along the beach and find many a restaurant that serves your tastebuds whilst your feet nestle in the exfoliating sand. Yum, the manager here is very attentive. We disturbed his sleep last night when we arrived back late to collect our room key- he sleeps on a mat under a mozzie net behind the reception desk, and works 7 days a week. We've noticed that seems to be the norm- staff roll out their sleeping mats in the lobby and roll them away again in the morning. In fact, the idea of having a room that houses your bed for which you spend maybe a 3rd of your day( with your eyes closed), is quite literally a foreign concept. A waste of space, which the families here have very little of. Trai, the guy who drove us from Hue to Hoi An described his house to us. He was the eldest boy and so he, his wife and 3 girls live in his parents home. Plus his two younger brothers, one whose at uni and the other who is married but saving for a house. Oh and I forgot his grandparents. So there are 12 people living in this two room house. The grandparents have a part of a room that is permanently theirs, as they are ailing health wise, the rest of the mob roll out their sleeping mats in the main living area and have bamboo partitions that provide some privacy. How would you go living with your parents, grandparents and grewn siblings all in one room for the majority of your life? And be working to pay for your parents farm, and your brother to go to uni, and your newly married brother to buy a house??? And to pay the government for every child you birth after your second, in an attempt to have a boy who will do all this for you when you grow older!!! Talk about having an expectation and job to do before your feet even hit the ground!! How can you call that love and free will? The obligation to family here in Vietnamese culture is intense!!!
The coast on the west side of the island has no waves, which makes for some very long lap swimming. Sao beach on the other hand, which we attempted to motorbike ride to, has some mini waves- enough break to have a crack at body surfing. Though it's pretty ordinary when you get dumped in water no deeper than mid thigh- worth a few giggles all the same.
For our last day in Vietnam we decided to embrace the mo-ped experience and take a ride north to Bai Thom, and saunter down the east coast to Ham Ninh, then back across to the main town Duong Dong- approx 80km round trip to circumnavigate Phu Quoc National Park. We understand why people don't travel very far- the average speed able to be safely traveled ( due to road condition and/ congestion) here is 30-40km/h, much of the time 20 or less, and very rarely full throttle at 80. Today we had the opportunity to "open her up" and hoon- no one else on the road, just us, the hills and the breeze. On a tiny mo-ped it feels like 120!!! The boys had been the day before, and come back with huge grins on their faces- claiming the best day of their whole trip- having returned, we know why! Negotiating the 4wd like conditions, up hill and down dale, in some rather hairy situations (don't look mum) certainly appealed to the adventurous kid within. They mentioned the "bamboo bridges"(see photos), we weren't exactly expecting these- but then we should have known by now to be ready for ANY situation! SO so pleased we left the second bike behind- there's facing fears and then there's grievous bodily harm! Dusting off the farm skills wasn't gonna cut it for this trip!
Have bike will carry...ANYTHING! Have we seen some extraordinary bike skills- talking on the mobile whilst carrying 3 passengers; holding a sleeping baby in one hand, and one behind, with a spare hand for the throttle; a whole pig carcass; wooden planks and other building material delicately balance either side of the driver protruding a 2m front and rear; a car load of coconuts piled in side baskets, between legs, on laps- all on the one bike- while smoking a cigarette of course; a broken down mo-ped strapped to the back of another one; seriously, there must be a category in the guiness world book of records for the amount of cargo one can carry whilst successfully negotiating traffic!! We've been astounded- and too slow with the camera unfortunately.
The dichotomy is bizzare- Shanty houses, which are basically a one room lean-to shed with bamboo poles, a tarp and a few palm fronds for aesthetics, plus a satellite dish, tv and surround sound! EVERYONE has a mobile phone, and free wifi is available practically everywhere! They launder in the creeks or on concrete slab floors, yet the whites are still white! What the!!!
It's high 30's and nearly all the women are covered literally head to fingers and toes, trying to avoid darkening their skin. The women don't smoke or drink alcohol- because it's bad for you- stated by men, but the men smoke and drink from the age of 10. Why, because it's what men do. Bun, from Hoi An, admitted to us, (on his one day of truth, new yrs day) that he doesn't even like smoking- most the time he just holds the cigarette- never inhales, but does so to look the part when in company with other men. AND his wife told him to continue doing so! what's with that?!
Agh, the insights and intrigue of experiencing another culture. We are ever so grateful we incarnated into Australia.
Despite the hiccups along the way, for the most part, we have enjoyed the opportunity to meet some lovely people, and speak candidly about our lives and learn about theirs- whether they be fellow tourists or locals we have connected with along the way. We weren't really sure why we were drawn to come to Vietnam, but we were sure that the reason would reveal itself in time- which it did. This last week in Phu Quoc has afforded us some time to chilax, and reflect and realize with feeling, all that has been occurring around us.
One of the biggest issues both Kerry and I have been trying to feel our way through for the past 2yrs has been finding ourselves in a same sex relationship. For much of those two years we have hidden from our families, our friends, our clients, even each other as we have attempted to come to terms and feel all the emotion a truth such as this brings to the fore. It is an on going process of confrontation, pain, avoidance, numbness, grief, anger, fear, truth, raw honesty and love. As neither of us had felt love grow so deeply for another person, let alone the same gender before- our connection has opened our hearts, while simultaneously challenged us in many many ways.
Here we have been confronted again, we seem to have attracted a plethora of same sex relationships and or issues surrounding beliefs and sexuality. John and Robert, the guys who 'saved us' in Dalat, identify as gay males. Both in partnerships, although Robert is grieving the loss of his 15yr partner who died 12mths ago from suicide ( a staunch religious family background who never accepted his r/ship). We have had many open and healing conversations with these guys over the past week or so. Their beliefs and feelings about what it means to be 'gay', and whether that label or description really means anything at all. Is it a means to create yet another separateness in the human race; a need to belong- to identify; a cause for projection of anger and living in fear; or a platform for judgmental righteousness by the extremists among homosexuals and homophobes? Really, do you think God separates us like that? Are we not all her children, without bias or label. I'm pretty sure God's not into labels and descriptions that segregate- it goes against all that he is- Love.
Kerry and I have struggled greatly with this term, and this description people are so quick and persistent to define us by. I am still Paige. You are you, and I am me- a soul wanting to grow in love, live lovingly, do the things I love- that inspire me, and love unconditionally the soul that I love for the rest of my existence, who happens to be Kerry- who happens to be female. If she were in a male body I would also love her- her physical form is not what I grew in love with. So do I identify as lesbian- no I don't. Yet because of who I love and who Kerry loves, we have been treated by some(certainly not all) with such anger and disdain, as if we have morphed into some fanciful monsterous creature. The recipients of intolerance, "tolerance" and vibing that I never would have dreamed possible. Some people must have so much hurt and grief locked up inside to treat another person, or family member, so dreadfully- simply because they love someone. That, makes our hearts ache immensely.
How does this condemnation ever change? How do young children learn that they can love who they love without fear or prejudice??
Here in Vietnam, we have met 'gay' vietnamese men who are terrified to live their life and love- that they have quite directly approached the tourists (robert and john can a test to this) who they are attracted too, because to be a gay man in Vietnam means uncertain torment and physical abuse. They have one shot, and are boldly going for it. It hurts to see the hiding in their eyes, and their pain for having to do so.
So this month has helped us connect with and feel some very deep sad emotions about who we are, what that means, who we thought we were and what we believed. And the unloving feelings we are aware of everyday that in some form or another separate us for who we love- and how we judge ourselves and how we have had strong beliefs toward others in the past also. This is a deep feeling of sadness that I never would have realized existed, (and cannot be understood by words) unless I had experienced this relationship with Kerry. Some days I hate her for loving me, it would be so much easier if she didn't- but alas she is my soulmate, and we are destined to feel our way through this, as humbly and honestly as we can. We know we don't always get it 'right'- That is why we feel it important to share this vulnerable part of ourselves, as we choose to not hide anymore- its hurting us way too much.
So from here, with this new found courage, we venture onward to Angkor Wot, Cambodia.