Getting bored of this now. I wanna spend all day outside in the sun, not stuck in a smelly internet cafe writting about how much Nic is getting on my nerves and telling my mum.."NO WE ARE NOT ENGAGED AND NO NIC ISNT PREGNANT". No one is probably even interested in what we get up to but yet Nic still gets me to do it.

Oh well enough of the moaning and ill say it again for my mum...."no we are not engaged".

Anyway we travelled from Thailand by mini bus across the boarder and into Malaysia. Was strange, it was like going through the toll booths at the Dartford crossing and then once through it was another world. Tarmacked roads, real buildings which wasnt falling down and cars, people actually had cars. We havnt seen a proper car from this centry in months.

About an hour after crossing the boarder we were in a city called Penang. It was really nice there. A curry house on the corner of every street and Everything was in English. We got ourselves a decent room which actually looked like a cell with a fan on the ceiling but it had a bed which was good.

The biggest shock was the number of shopping centres they had. We wondered around in one where Nic was constantly complaing of a bad back after carring her very small back pack so i decided to take her to get a massage.

We found this nice place in the centre where a nice man was standing outside the shop giving out leaflets. After the initial where you from and then when you say england he kept to the routine of saying "Wayne Rooney" and "Manchester"....."No nob head, Essex and bloody west ham"

Anyway after talking to this dude for a bit another man joined us. He was tall and very womanly. Prob the best way to put it. He said to follow him and he started walking down the stairs and into the basement. Turns out that English who dont support Man U get massaged in the basement. I wasnt complaining cos as we went into the room there stood a couple of very good looking woman. Anyway i was asked to lay on the bed facing the floor whilst nic was in the next room. After a few seconds i was being massaged...it was heaven. Not a Thai massage cos they hurt but a nice relaxinx one. Nic loved it aswell becuase all i could hear was screams of "yeh thats it lower lower, do it to me hard" so that was nice.

Anyway whilst having my massage i was relaxing and loving it, i could feel their breath on me whilst they were getting stuck in. I was thinking i wonder which of the lovely laddies were actually massaging me until, it was time to turn over onto my back when i see the tall man who likes men looking down at me. I must admit i let out a tiny scream and all Nic did was say "its nice isnt it"

Anyway we stayed in Penang for two nights one of which included a night at the cinema to watch James Bond.

We left for Kuala Lumpur which was the same as Penang except with bigger buildings. It was nice there but it was full of people who all seemed to have stuff stuck in their throats. All you could hear anywhere you went was someone honking up some crap from their throats and they were good at it they made some sick sick bloody sick noises.

Anyway off to Singapore now which will be updated shortly. No more today because my money is about to r