Well, well, well. Amsterdam.

So I get to Amsterdam and I was camping to save cash. Managed to pitch my tent fairly easily. Went for a wander that night but didnt do anything really. I did however, leave the cover of the window in my tent, so came back to it flooded.

So, during the night, it was rough. I just had my cotton sleeping bag, and no mat, so I wore half my clothes, and used the rest to lay on. Managed OK.

Anyway, the next day I go and do the free tour which was with the same company as I used in Berlin. It was really good, saw a lot and learnt a lot about the culture and history.

I wandered around for a while, and then I went to the Red Light District paid tour. I was a bit skeptical about doing a tour, but ended up being amazing.

So the guy is amazing that is leading the tour, and we learn so much about it. Being a sex worker in Amsterdam is just another job. They are all clean, condoms always used, and drug users are kept away as the women have to pay for their windows before they start working.

Half their money goes to private security guards (NOT Pimps) and they have panic buttons inside the room. In delcared money, they earn 100000 euros a year, some a smuch as 200000 or 300000...and thats 4 eight hour shifts. Its like 40 euros for 15 minutes, but if you want them to take some clothing off, 20 euros, let thier hair down, 20 euros, call you daddy, 20 euros etc....They make a mint. Has to be cash in hand apparently and people just pay.

Its all consentual sex. The women have so much power, and actually turn down more clients than they accept.

Anyway, onto the evening. So we do the tour, see these famous windows (even though the RLD is getting smaller and smaller). We get told about sex shows as well and the novelty acts seem funny. So about 10 of us, mix of guys and girls, go to see a novelty sex show. 25 euros each, and 2 free drinks.

DISCLAIMER: Mum, just don't read anymore. Please don't. Anyone who feels any kind of resposibility for me, aka family, Sue, ex-teachers, might not appreciate this. Haha... And if you do read it, my GOD DO NOT READ IT TO OLIVER!

So we go in and the first act is some woman getting a guy from the audience, taking her clothes off, and then he pulled f***ing METERS of ribbon out of her vagina. It's not really lowlife to go to one of these, its just comedy entertainment. It is very funny.

Anyway we are all talking about someone should go up. I said I did NOT want to go up, but if she picked me, I would.

Anyway the next act is couple sex for a few minutes, which was dull to be honest.

The next was this woman and a banana. Guess where she put it? Then she got 3 guys to eat it, and the last one had to get the last bit, which was quite...deep. If she saw they were nervous, she'd thrust up and make them take loads of it which was hilarious for the people sitting down.

Then came the last act. And you guessed it - She comes over to me and my friends. She wante done of the girls to go up, who wouldn't, and it came down to me and an Aussie guy called Jimmy pointing at each other. But then I go up.

Now TBH, she was lovely, she was whispering what she wanted me to do and not to be nervous etc...

Anyway I'm on my knees and she's dancing round me and taking off her clothes. Honest to god, some hot hot hot woman is dancing nked infront of me, and I wasn't even looking. All I cared about was what was going to happen to me, and hoping I wouldnt make a fool of myself. I didnt know where to look, whether I should look excited or scared.

Anyway then she takes my shirt off, which came as a bit of a shock, and made me lay down. Then she gets out a marker pen, and you can imagine where she put it. Then she sqauts over me, and writes 'BAD BOY' on my stomach...

...Her handwriting with her vagina was better than mine with my hand.

Got lots of cheers and it was funny, glad I did it.

I should mention that after the tour, we got a free shot of Jaigermiester. Then the cheapest drink was 2 for 1, JD and coke so I had one of those. Then a guy bought me a beer. Then in the sex show place it was free drink tokens, so I got my favourite, vodka-redbull. Had 2 of those, then a beer. Then I got on stage after mixing 4 drinks.

So anyway then we leave and 4 of us go to smoke a joint. Oh my god, the stuff in Amsterdam was very strong, and I am very runk, and the guys I was with, well one of them didnt want any, so this guy and girl have about a quarter, and I had about half.

Within a while, I'm sat on the ground, then I go to sleep. In the middle of the red light district. Then some coppers came past and Jimmy and Matt were still with me and they told them I just couldnt find a bed, so they left.

Then I get up, and I knew I was messed up, so Jimmy and Matt were carrying me to the bus stop. But then we went past a McDonald's. They went to get me food, and I was sick.

Then I ate the food, but I'd got a Big Mac instead of a Double Cheeseburger. But we keept walking/dragging me and we come to another, so I go in there to swap it. They wouldnt let me at first so I got mad and asked to see the manager. Then they swapped it.

Then I got back to mine, slept for 2 hours, then packed my tent up and arrived in Brussels in Belgium.

And that was it. I haven't been able to wash 'BAD BOY' off my stomach yet, you can still see it.

It was fun.