'OMG,' announced Catherine as she finished swallowing another gulp of French bubbly. 'Why didn't we just agree to stay here for four weeks?!' We were sitting outside in what I like to call 'Business Class' - up-front on board Liberty in lovely warm sunshine. Not a breath of wind. Only swans and ducks to disturb the placid waters of Cergy marina. Bloody inconsiderate wildfowl. 'Because,' I said, having recovered from choking on my sip of Clairette de Die and thi...

The forecasters were right - Paris positively glowed today in 16-degree sunshine. I also positively glowed in my red ski jacket, but was at least able to remove it for lunch sur la terrasse. What a treat to be able to sit outside at a restaurant in a T-shirt at this time of the year. See? That's the EU for you. I deserved an outdoor lunch treat though, since I was up at 05:45 and off to Terminal One at Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris to meet daughter Catherin...

I am no good at packing. My wife is good at packing. I picked her up from work yesterday and she said, 'How did your packing go?' 'Okay, ' I said, non-committally. 'But can I confess something?' 'Yeees...' She replied cautiously, obviously suspicious that I was about to admit to some sort of sin. I like to create a bit of drama. 'I haven't really packed much at all; I really need your advice...' It may have been because we'd just driven over a speed bump, but I...

It was just me, and God. Other than that, the columns and arches of the Saint Jean church in Joigny loomed over a vast empty and hollow but glorious space. There had been someone else - a woman pinning an announcement to a notice board - but after she left, with a loud bang of the church door, possibly to suggest I shouldn't be there - there was just me. And silence. And God, most likely. I mean, if there was ever a good time to reveal his capital H self to me, ...

'Non, non, non!' she tutted as she wrenched the fitted sheet from my hands. She located two of the corner seams, pinched them between her thumbs, then nodded to me to grab the other end likewise. I wasn't quick enough and suffered a further tirade of 'non, non's until my seamsmanship was perceived to be up to scratch. 'Voila!' she announced, and we danced the dance of the fold: coming together, stepping back, swinging arms, coming together. All that was missing ...