This week I had to do a visa run, which from Mahasarakham means heading to Laos and takes a total of 4 days. However, Claire had her Chinese New Year's break and was in Malaysia, so I decided to take 5 days and go to Malaysia instead. It meant a total of 4 nights on transport (a sleeper bus and sleeper train each way), but with only 2 days notice during the busiest time of year, a flight was prohibitive. At £60 all-in, it was a great way to travel if you don't value your time too highly. The bunks are comfortable, there are plenty of interesting people to talk to, and the scenery is great. Compared to the Chiang Mai-Bangkok train, it's a much better experience and it really helps to give a sense of journey. I'd arranged to meet Claire mainly because we'd missed each other (incredibly after 6 years together, this 4 week period is the longest stretch we'd done without seeing each other), but also to discuss how we were going to find a way to live together again without either of us feeling like we'd over-compromised. Coming back on the train really helped to see Thailand from this new perspective and appreciate how everything was coming together. I'd recommend it - though doing it each way is probably too much when flights are typically so cheap. Chinese New Year is just a one-off peak period here.

Penang is the Pearl of the Orient, and it certainly is a pleasant place with fun watersports and a buzzing night market, good restaurants, etc. I'd have been a bit disappointed if it was my tropical holiday though, the online pics aren't really honest. The water is too murky to snorkel and the sand isn't the silky soft type you get on other coasts, or pass through coming from Thailand. It was great to have some Indian food and speak English, and was a fun trip - but I wouldn't recommend it for a 2 week holiday. There is a beautiful national park with turtles, and a firefly cruise. I didn't have time for either, so may go back for that when in the area. We did enjoy using a jet-ski, and the quiet water meant we had a lot of space to let it out on full power. As someone who has owned 2 Rovers, the speed was a novel and exciting experience.

On the way back I abused a Happy Hour in Bangkok with Callum (though that's a bit of a misnomer) to help me sleep on that final night bus. As I came back to Mahasarakham, I got a slight home-coming feeling which is great after less than a month in the place. The place is full of love hearts and teddies, the Thais seem to enjoy unfeasibly large displays of love. A 4ft tissue heart and full-size tiger teddy in a shared dorm-room is not considered impractical. (incidentally, my favourite Valentine's gift was along this theme - Claire left a huge golden retriever teddy on my bed one year.)

Aside from the harrowing depression which was Valentine's Day in an all-boys school, I've only had 2 Valentine's days as a single man so have had more experience with blinding commercialism than don't-do-it-cries-for-help. Both times I went to nightclubs, where options abounded with the happy combination of single women and low self-esteem. I never really understood it, since surely the self-esteem will be lower after they invariably find only predatory losers. But it worked out well from my (predatory) point of view. I prefer it much more in a couple, though. We've done home-made avoid-the-crowds dinners, standard restaurant fare, shisha café, river cruise, etc.

The university has chosen to head off depression by putting on a lover's cinema, so at least most couples are out of view. I've already bought a takeaway dinner so that I can avoid the restaurants and will be watching a torrent of the Royal Rumble instead. What is an interesting cultural difference is the way Thais show devotion. Friends or lovers can be brought into the family by ties of string around the wrist. You wear it until it naturally perishes, at which point you are treated like a member of the family (a very big honour here, family is much more meaningful than in the UK). I like the idea, although it doesn't have the same permanency as a wedding ring. Instead, I think that they should adapt the system so that the relationship expires when the bond breaks. Different levels of material could be used to show different relationships, so everyone knows where they stand. So if you're looking to give a gift to a Thai this Valentine's Day and don't want to go for a life-size stuffed elephant, here are my suggestions for some bracelets.

Recycled paper bracelet: facebook friends can gather like old newspapers, so it seems appropriate to give bracelets made from newspaper to your facebook sweetheart. If the relationship progresses, you renew or upgrade. However, if she wants to stay on your list and artificially preserve the relationship without any renewed contact, the headline will give it away. Just watch her try to get away with "my boyfriend gave me this, he loves me a lot" when her wristband reads "Gunboats head to Gibraltar, PM says no backing down!"

Straws: romantically melted together with a lighter, they can be relatively permanent but also uncomfortable and embarrassing to be seem with outside of a nightclub context. If that description also fits to the girl of your choice (except maybe the melted with a lighter bit, unless you're really none-too-fussy or have a brutal way to mark your territory), plastic straw bracelets will indicate your love. You can make them in the club and present to your love, but they will soon tire of the novelty, as gradually things fizzle out. By day 3, it's just time to slash the damn thing off and go home.

String: Whereas Thais use this as a symbol of lifelong devotion, in England string is used to temporarily hold something together. Perfect for on-again-off-again relationships, the fragile and temporary nature of the relationship is unquestionably expressed in the inconsequential twine around your wrist. Like a tramp holding up his trousers, you acknowledge that what you have is perfectly functional but everyone knows there is something better out there.

Leather: Kinky, obviously, but judging by watches a leather wrist-strap will last you about 3 years. This is probably the limit of any kinky relationship before the leather starts to look like a Benidorm pensioner's skin, which is still kinky but not in the same way.

Gold (Elizabeth Duke): The Argos catalogue's finest for that Argos relationship. Convenient (even if they keep you waiting), a good range of options, but no real sense of purpose or intelligence. It will last 2 weeks longer than the warranty, which you've invariably lost. After 3 years, it looked tarnished and worthless, kept only for a vague sentimental value even though you know that there are hundreds like it if only you could be bothered to fill in that little slip with the tiny pen.

Gold (Mr T style): If permanence is the intention, surely a thick chain is the way forwards. It is also a good acid test as only someone truly devoted to you will wear such a hideous item. Incidentally, Mr T vowed to stop wearing his gold out of respect for the Katrina victims. Presumably he changed his point of view for the Snickers adverts, where his gold contrasted with the peanuts and chocolate to send a poignant message of support to those victims.

Carbon fibre: You love her, the symbol of love will probably outlive you both, you worry that it's a little over-the-top to show off in public, and a lot of people will think that you're a twat. However, you are also setting the condition that even unconditional love has few compromises when it comes to power-to-weight ratios and aerodynamic qualities.

Happy Valentine's Day.