Have I mentioned before how much I hate organised tours? Well today was a doozy! Ephesus is one hour by bus from the terminal so rather than hiring a private tour which runs the risk of arriving back to port late, we opted for the tour organised by the cruise. We weren't alone in our thoughts as 21 bus loads of passengers chugged off at 9.00. Well who knew that Turkey had the best in the world of so many things - our guide Ali of course! He started talking on the microphone in the bus at 9.01 and didn't draw breath until we pulled up in the car park at Ephesus with the other 322 bus loads! Why someone didn't tell him to shut the f up, just give us some reprise for 5 minutes, is a mystery to me. If I wasn't such a lady, I would have happily stood up to save the bus load from the torture. On and on and on and on he went - it was relentless. Everything grown or made in Turkey is apparently either the best or second best in the world and who knew that if men eat 5 figs they get an instant erection-well we do now! There was no rhyme nor reason with his ramblings. We went from history, to religion, to olive oil, leather goods and pomegranates. No topic was off limits and this trip was reminding me more and more of our Pompeii debacle. Finally we arrived at our destination, 35 deg in the shade and wall to wall tourists. With the only option being an 80km walk back to the boat - we were trapped. Now as we entered the complex, I couldn't help but notice that most tour groups were linked up to their guide through headphones. Lots of people nodding, oohing and aahing. Sadly, we must have chosen the budgo option, as we had to gather around Ali Baba to listen to his descriptions of what we were seeing and if you were upwind of him, you could not hear a thing. Johno and I broke ranks with a few other renegades and did our own thing. It is an incredible place and with an audio tour it would have been brought to life. After about an hour, we were done and found our way down to the bus area. Oh dear! Row after row of identical buses. We were number 13, (this should have been a red flag from the start !) and we passed at least 12 number 13 buses. Could the day get any more 'painful'? Yes it could! Finally when Ali appeared,head counted and told us all how clever he was not to lose anyone (even though we tried:) and we were finally heading 'home'. No lunch stops on this trip - and the troops were starting to get a little restless. Ali grabbed the microphone as soon as we were seated and announced excitedly, that as a special 'treat', we would be visiting the 2nd most famous leather shop in the world. Oh no - please no, but alas, we pulled up at this large building, were given some horrible apple beer and escorted into a room with a 'runway' (I kid you not) surrounded by red velvet covered chairs. Picture 'fashion week'. Suddenly a smooth looking man, (I assume one of Ali's close friends) appeared and spoke to us about how famous his leather goods were. Then, without warning, thumping music belted out, and 4 models appeared on the runway, giving a full performance, modelling the leather gear. Well by this stage, I had lost it completely- I was hot, tired and hungry, and the last thing I needed was to spend 15 minutes watching an expo of 45 different leather jackets - all reversible as they loved to demonstrate extravagantly. We desperately searched for an exit, but we were trapped. We had no choice but to follow Ali's best mate into the biggest leather shop I have ever seen, to be told everything for us only, was 50% off! There must have been 20 staff wandering the floor and shadowing our every move. I was scared - was the apple beer drugged? We eyed an escape door, and after feigning interest in the leopardskin (reversible of course) jacket closest to the door, we made our escape! Pretty sure no one on the bus made a purchase, so a lean day for Ali and his mate. Finally the bus departed and we were heading in the direction of the cruise terminal. As Ali had explained every blade of grass on both sides of the bus on the way, we were looking forward to some serenity on the return journey. No such luck - Ali grabbed the microphone, made mention of how he knew we were all looking forward to a rest, then proceeded to preach for 20 minutes (this is no exaggeration) on Ala and the Muslim faith! I am sure it was a punishment for us all for not buying a leather coat:)
Finally we arrived home. To give Ali credit, he did give us 5 minutes of reprieve from his voice, but to say that 40 people basically ran screaming from the bus up the gangplank to the serenity of the boat, is not an exaggeration. Tonight is a cocktail party with the captain in the Yacht Club. May have to joosh up an ordinary 4.95 top from Venice with one of my scarves. Not sure which one will suit Johno best:) xx