I haven't written in a very long time, I know. The main reason for this was that I was somewhat lost. It is a rather frequent side effect of being free (or believing that you are free, anyway), I discovered. Things didn't go quite as planned (as is rather usual) and I was getting tired of having to change my plans, destinations, goals, and whatnot every few weeks or months at short notice. I have known for some time now that I didn't want to continue my life just this way for much longer. But it was a difficult decision to take because I really love my life. It is hard when you have to change something that is already really good; there is so much to lose. Which is why I pretended several times that I would settle down and then ended up running away again. Or running to somewhere else, sometimes it isn't so clear which of the two it is.

I have already had a flight ticket to Colombia for the end of May and seeing that flight tickets are among the most valuable things in my life, knowing that I was ready to cancel it probably gave a quite clear indication that this time I was serious. This time I would stay. I would be lying if I said that money was not an issue. I have not earned proper money for years now and I knew I could not go on like this forever. Maybe now is as good a time to start earning money again as any, but the other reason is closer to my heart: I learned that, as a woman, there are certain places where it is easier to play football and Latin America is not one of them. Staying in Europe for a while and earn some money to save so that later on I can continue exploring the rest of the globe and myself, would allow me to play football - and also floorball - again in a proper team in a real league and much as I hate to say this, I know that at my age there is not much time to waste if you have this dream.

I have many friends in Austria and I was also getting tired of getting to see them all only once every year or so because after all, they are really the most important people in my life. There aren't that many friendships that last when you live the life I do, so those which do should be cherished and nurtured. So all things came together and it is summer, which certainly makes the decision to stay in central Europe come a lot easier. Chances are, I will run away again in winter but for now I made a clear plan: I will stay in Innsbruck, at least for two or three years. Get a paid job, play sports as much as I can and give a "normal" life a try. If I end up hating it, not much is lost, at least I get some money to continue being crazy and if I like it, well, all the better.

Having refused to work for money (other than freelance) for most of my life the decision to find a job took the better part of the two months since I got back from Spain. And then, just when I was ready to sign a work contract, there came an email from the promised land: Do you want an (unpaid) bird job in the Ecuadorian rain forest for two months? Now, fate certainly has funny ways at times, doesn't it. Sometimes I really get the feeling that there must be a god or something somewhere up there, doing these kinds of things to me, just so they can have a good laugh. And who could blame them, really? Well, I wasn't going to say no to such an offer, how could I? After all it is only for two months and much as I hate to move to a different continent for two months only, I had just decided to try living a "normal" life, and as a matter of fact "normal" people go to different continents even for much shorter periods. And I get the flight paid, so no excuses. So here I am, living a normal life and one of the very first things I do as part of being normal is going to work in the Amazon for two months with no pay. Either I am doing something quite wrong, or I am doing it too right. Either way, I am not going to complain. I can barely wait to see what else the "normal" life has in store for me.