GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!!

Hanoi

So we arrive in Vietnam and nearly pee our pants with excitement due to the fact there is a proper airport, nice taxis, air con, ATMs and neon lights, and don't even get us started on the proper roads, no more two day boat trips!

Having read the Lonely Planet like the dutiful travellers we are, we were mighty proud of ourselves when we saw through the cab drivers scam of trying to take us to his brothers hotel rather than the one we wanted. Jenna and Dan were patting themselves on the back (as Denise dragged the luggage into the hotel) and handed over what they thought was the equivalent of US $10 for the cab journey in Vietnamese Dong. Of course Denise didn't make an issue (much) when she discovered that both are retards at maths and can't work out 15 000 x10...Jenna thought the cab journey was well worth 30 quid!!

At first we loved Hanoi, even though our first day involved trying to report a theft to the police. After searching the old quarter we eventually found the smoke filled crumbling room that served as the police station, complete with police men that really didn't want to help us and didn't speak any English. But we weren't moving and found ourselves a nice translator alongside an answer for every one of their excuses as to why they couldn't file the report. After three hours and the top police demanding to listen to Jenna's ipod and then throwing it back at her due to not liking the music, we hit the shops and the infamous Highlands Coffee...the only aircon cafe. Never been so grateful to aircon in our lives, seriously the heat was so immense, sweating like b****es!

We decided the first night in Vietnam should be spent absorbing the local culture so we went for dinner 'street style'. With a slight 'lost in translation moment' the guys put on our plastic table three platters, one full of leaves, one with pancakes and one containing a white powdery meat, where they demonstrated how to roll. We ate one and decided it was ok but not wow, on trying the second we decided we didn't like and to make our exits, when an English guy comes and asks if we know what we are eating. Erm, clearly not mate so why dont you tell us?! He didn't want to, but after much protesting he nicely informs us its pigs ear, yep, a pigs cartilage!! Why oh why dogs like that s*** we have no idea! After that we decided we deserved a treat so thought we'd have a nice glass of wine, it soon became a bar crawl, complete with motorbike and cyclo journeys in between. Here we really experienced the chaos they call traffic control, feeling like we were travelling James Bond style. Jen still has the scar on her leg to prove it.

We did absorb some culture and went to see possibly the most biased museum in the world, the Ho Chi Minh museum. After 20 min of being told how great Communism was we decided to go check out his body but unfortunately he gets shut away after 11, how boring. So we took to shopping where a dining set for 6 seemed like a necessity for Denise and Jenna sampled every Friends box set collection in the Hanoi district and finally after six hours decided that it just wasn't good enough (yes the whole 8 series for £5 was just not reasonable!!)

Halong Bay is a 'must', so we booked up, only to be told at 630am on the morning of departure that there had been a typhoon and all trips were off so we had another day to kill. Don't get us wrong, Hanoi is great but after 5 days it becomes a little tiresome and there are only so many dinner sets a girl can buy. So we were ready to go the following evening only to be told the bus had broken down. Not only that, apparently there were no other busses for another week so we all ran around like nutters, eventually finding a flight to take us to Hoi An...bring on the tailor made clothes!!



Hoi An

Hoi An is also known as Heaven on Earth. Not only is it renowned for its tailor made clothes at dirt cheap prices, it is an old French Colonial town, which means one thing, nice restaurants and bakeries!! Hell yeah! Love at first sight, made even better by its enchanting feel and daily happy hours! We decided to our financial situation we were going to keep each other in check, so, between us, we limited ourselves to...6 pairs linen trousers, 2 suits (complete with skirt and trouser option as well as waistcoats), 2 winter coats, 1 trench coat, 4 pairs of work trousers, 4 dresses, 11 shirts, 4 kaftan, not even o mention the presents for the parents. Jenna nearly wet herself when she discovered custom made shoes/boots so promptly ordered 5 pairs. However, the Miu Miu design she had in mind didn't quite work out when the guy handed her a pair that even Shoe Fair wouldn't have sold. After many rows and Jens classic line of "its not what I asked for...its like me ordering chicken and you giving me beef", with the guy responding "I know where you live!!" we decided enough was enough and it was time for Nha Trang. (Oh, we did visit My Son, temples built in 4th century. They were so pretty but on that day it was boiling and we spent more time in shade complaining that we did looking, have never been as hot in our lives!)

Nha Trang

So we get on our overnight bus to discover that the cheapest seats in the travel agents are in fact designed for midgets, so much so that Denise couldn't even fit her legs in front of her and Jenna proceeded to swap seats every minute to find one more comfortable despite the driver telling her not to and to get back to her seat. Denise tried to give herself more leg room by moving the chair in front, so leaning over to release the catch she proceeded to catapult herself over the seat and Jenna turned round to see two legs and a bum in the air and the sound of Denise's muffled screams. Still determined to be in a stress Jenna had to compress her laughter but in the end gave into giggles when it became apparent Denise couldn't actually move.

We arrived in Nha Trang the following morning where Jenna took on the take of finding accommodation. So Denise parks herself on the street (in the least hoe sense meaning) with her new Hungarian pal, whilst Jen zips off on the back of a motorbike with a man offering cheap accommodation (again, safety first!). After 10 minutes Denise gets little concerned, after 20 panic begins to set in. After 30 Jen returns nearly in tears as "the f***ing b******s keep promising me cheap accommodation and then showing me $15 rooms and making me climb stairs...I just cant do it Denise, I just cant do it". "So Jenna do we have anywhere to stay" "Don't start Denise, you just go and do it if you think you can do better". So, the first hotel Denise calls in, oh there is a room for $7 a night, what can we say, some people just have it.

We really want to stress that we thought Asia was going to be drink free and all about the culture, but really, those that have been to Nha Trang will back us up, there is nothing to do other than the sailing club. No no no, not actual sailing, a bar that gives out a free bucket on entrance with 'magic' contents that seem to get you hammered within seconds. So much so that Jenna had to be taken home (hell yeah, Denise out drank her for once) on the back of a moped where she forget where she lived and just demanded that Doc Rob took her home. 20 minutes later (even though it was a 30 sec walk) Robbie finally got her in where she proceeded to pass out...go hard or go home Jenna Louise!!

Other drunken nights include...Jenna & Denise accosting a Mexican man dragging him into a cyclo and promptly falling out in front of him/ Jenna, Denise, Tommy and Mark (who wore just straw hats and boxers for the occasion) still drinking at 6 am deciding to go for a late night swim only to find a beach full of Vietnamese out for their morning swims also in boxers/ Jenna and Denise still drinking at 6 am the next morning only to realise they were going diving in one hour/Jenna and Denise getting told off by their hotel for coming home at lunch time every day from their nights out...you get the picture!! What can we say, we blame the cocktails!!

Saigon

Our stay in Saigon was short and sweet but we were busy girls whilst there! We decided that having been drunk every night in Vietnam we should do something cultural so headed for the Coogee tunnels! The were dug by the Vietnamese during The War to hide from the Americans and lay booby traps for their enemies. Knowing that Vietnamese aint exactly tall we weren't expecting them to be big but seriously these things were tiny (this is despite them being widened for fat Western Tourists!) and attempting to crawl through them felt like a form of torture in itself. We lasted about 2/3s of the way til claustrophobia and aching legs set in and we decided we got the picture and took the wimps way out. That afternoon we decided to go for the culture thing and head for the war museum which was probably one of the most eye opening things so far. We walked around in silence...at first due to an argument, but after a while we forgot about our major drama and, silent shock from what were actually seeing set in. We wont go on but to say it changed the way we thought of the Vietnam War is an understatement...lets just say we came out hating America!

After all this culture we decided to head to the pub and make the most of Saigon Nightlife...next stop Cambodia to continue our drunken, oops cultural, tour of the world!!.