Hello again faithful readers. Thank you for your patience in diligantly waiting for us to update these pages. We think you would agree that these ramblings would be far less interesting if every entry simply stated we were in this internet place and that internet place!!! We have to do little things to write about little things y'see!

So where were we in our tale?

Yes, yes, yes.

Leaving the land of elephants, night markets, smiles, one of our favourite expressions so far; "Qwup Jye Lye Lye" - Thank you very much, and lovely Beer Laos.

Many people in Luang Prabang urged us not to leave;

"Stay in Luang Prabang" they said.

"Don't go to Vietscam" one young German chap cried. (a grossly misguided comment we were to find that out to be).

But leave we did and within an hour we arrived safe and sound in Hanoi , shaken by the flight, and a little daunted (airports especially atfter dark are never the most welcoming places - quite a flaw on architects part we have decided!). A little while later we were in

our little guest house, the owners baby bouncing on our knees, Vietnamese coffees in hands, the young family that run the place making a fuss over us, wondering what all this scam talk was about.

Hanoi is quite a busy place. This statement is true dear friends, truer if you define the word quite as "Öh my goodness there are a lot of people-bikes-animals-stalls-sellers" etc. To add to the madness Hanoi is a very old city, and you always seem to end up in very very narrow streets, made narrower still by people-bikes-animals-stalls-sellers etc!

Still the food is a treat, noodle soup for breakfast we only tried the once, (our taste buds ARE changing as we go along dear reader, however, before 10 in the morning they are defienetly British - Tea Jam and Bread thank you very much and nothing else will do!!!!), The Cha Ca fish thang was rather tasty indeed, Muc (dried Squid) is the greatest bar snack we've had to date, and there's nothing quite like a mango or pineapple from the street to boost you through the day.

Whilst talking of consumption an honourable note has to be given to Bia Hoi. What a fantastic idea. Ridiculously cheap fresh draught beer (4000 Vietnamese Dong for a pint or 10,000 for a jug - which means nothing until you know that the exchange rate is 30,000 Dong to the pound!) served with ice, in every nook and cranny street corner you can imagine, little plastic chairs lining the street with people having a swift half, wonderful stuff.

We spent 4 days wondering the streets of Hanoi . The only trouble we ran into was with the Taxi drivers - 4 of the 8 taxis we used had seriously FAST meters, causing us to jump out early and wind our own way to where ever we were headed - naughty men, very frustrating. However, the cyclos were fun (a hard bargain before each ride but still ended with you paying more than you should for a ride, but they were so cheeky and charming it was always a win win situation).

Once we had feasted our sense on, amongst other things water puppetry, ancient temples, museums, lakes, and even a dead man (yes dear friends we did visit the late great Uncle Ho as he lay in state - lit up in orange like a great big Ikea lamp feature) - we did feel a tad strange, but we remained extremely respectful and silent the whole time, unlike some of the elderly vietnamese ladies who just couldn't help but have not 1 or 2 but 4 mothers meetings during their visit - much to the guards dismay - we've never seen 4 old ladies come so close to being shot - that's not something you can say every day now is it?!). We also had the pleasure of visiting yet another clinic (we are soon to publish our definative work named "Travellers clinics of the world") you will be glad to hear that a 3 day course of lovely lovely Tinizadole cleared the problem up a treat, and one of your intrepid (but ill) explorers rather enjoyed the bedside manor of the dashing Dutch GP!!.

We were as shocked as you may be now to discover on arrival that Hanoi in March is not a simmering swelter bowl of the blue sky varity, more a london-esque grey with a fair old whack of humidity. Still we marched onwards.

On various recommendations we had booked ourselves on an excursion to visit Halong bay "Bay where the Dragon Landed". It is very pretty indeed (for visual confirmation it featured in one of the excellent David Attinborough voiced, BBC made episodes of Planet Earth don't you know!) and is currently shortlisted for one of the 7 modern wonders of the world. A bay, containing thousands of granite pillars rising up from the ocean full of ancient beauty and taking away of breaths. All of this was a little lost on your two loyal round world monkeys as the 2 days that we visited we had not Sir Attainbouroughs luck of azure blue skies and blazing sun. No. The we had GREY. Thick grey at that, so much so we could bearly see 20 meters in front of us! Thousands of Granite pillars??? Where are they then? We can see 1 dark shape in the distance there, and that looks like something up there... is it??? Oh well. It was a different experience to the one we were perhaps expecting, but the ever present optimists in us came out, and we began to think that actually the weather we had was best, as the pillars we could see became quit spooky and the day took on a rather etheral feeling - a Sigor Ros soundtrack would have capped it off nicely. Also we couldn't see the other 500 boats that all seemed to leave the docks at the same time as us (one of the seven wonders is never gonna be yours alone, another lesson we are learning on our adventures!!). It was one of the most surreal scenes one may ever see at sea (and we all know strange things happen out there!) to have 500 boats all try to dock on 100 metres of landing at the same time, and for no one to back off! Boats colliding, people trying to push another 10 ton chinese junk away with a bamboo pole, loud speakers hailing abuse, yet everyone remaing reasonably calm, crack after crack of bows smacking in to each other. An oddly Vietnamese experience!

We had taken good advice from previous Ha Long bay trippers and booked not the cheapest available tour, but we went a little upmarket, and boy did it pay off.

We ended up on a boat for 12 people with just 4 of us on board. The cabins were fantastic, the seafood dinners and lunch's were divine. We generally lorded it up like a couple of sea bound fontleroys! Drinking and eating aside we managed to visit some caves, the highlight of the tour however, were the 2 canoe trips we had around the bay. Getting up close to the pillars and into secluded bays only accesable via little boats was amazing fun and quite special indeed! (however, there is no pictorial evidence of these little forerays dear reader, as we were a little unsure of our canoeing ability and didn't fancy our little digital picture maker getting, well sunk!).

Upon returning to Hanoi, we splashed a little more cash on a rather up market Hotel for a birthday treat (the Hanoi Elegance for those with future plans). What a difference an extra 20 dollers makes! Upon checking in tired and weary after a long hot coach journey, we retired to the room which didn't just contain airconditioning and hot water (2 grand luxeries in themselves) but also a mini bar and a computer and the winning feature that could make any hostal bound traveller almost weap - a bath!! After squalling at the wonderment of it all, we had a knock on the door! "

They've found us out Jem. They don't want us types in a fine place like this! Pack your bag."

But no dear reader. What happened next was the single nicest gesture we have recieved from any establishment so far. The manager and his smiling friend entered our room, bottle of wine and bunch of flowers in hand, for one Miss Jemma Farmer!

"Happy Birthday Miss Farmer" they said.

"How on earth did you know????" we inquired.

"The passports sir. We just noticed the date of birth."

Well blow me!! What a lovely surprise.

And for the record, the rest of our stay at this lovely little hotel was filled with laughter and jokes from staff members who remembered our names and smiled for the whole of their incredably long shifts.

A wonderfull wonderful little place to stay. Vietscam indeed!!!

We had been told by several people that they had wished they had made it to Sapa. We heeded these warnings and made a point of going. We had a rather fun elbow exchange at the ticket office of the Hanoi Train station (oh to be English in a world where the queue means nothing, is a crippling deficiency indeed!) whilst booking ourselves a seat or should I say bed, on the overnight train to Lao Cai; destination of choice for all people wishing to visit the charming, French built hill station of Sapa. Perched in the Northern Mountains very close to China and a good 10 hours train ride from Hanoi, Sapa sits bathed in cloud and fog, hiding the staggered paddy fields of the Black H'moung, Flower H'moung and Red Tzai tribesfolk and breath taking postcard stylie vistas. Wowawewa!

It's very hilly. Very very hilly! We were blessed, however, with good weather, the clouds shifting back and forth to allow us to see the highest mountain in Vietnam; Fansipan.

We booked ourselves on the obligitory "homestay trek". Leaving very early in the morning our Black H'moung guide; "Show", lead us down and around some terrific hill walks. We had opted for the "slightly tougher walk" that when wet wasn't possible, so as it was dry we thought we should. However, slightly tougher really meant, no path at all! At times we were just scrambling down the hills, slipping here and there and wondering how on earth Shows two friends that had joined us on the walk (her mother in law, and her sister with baby!!) were managing the climbs in nothing more than jelly sandals when our western boots were slipping away from us! After a full day walking through some of the most wonderfully exotic scenery, we were almost at our homestay. Before we reached our destination however we had a quick sales pitch by Shows friends (theres the reason they walked all day with us then! Cheeky, but their company was well worth a few silver trinkets that one of the intrepid explorers managed to bargain for).

The Homestay itself was a funny affair. We had romantic pictures in our head of a romote village, campfire burning, chickens scratching about, and tribesfolk sitting around singing. Well the chickens were there, but the village also contained a bar and a poorly attaended karaoke place!! Strange. The family home we stayed in was traditional (except perhaps the chest refridgerator full of cokes and beers for the guests!!). The mother and grandmother were lovely, as were the children - dashing about on their little scooters, trying to run over the local dogs. The men of the family when returning from a hard days house building, were a little more stand offish, but to have several strange people staying in your 'spare room' 3 4 times a week, maybe I'd become a bit jaded too! Show was amazing though. After she helped cook us an amazing meal (she was responsible for all our food and she always cooked enough for 4!!!) she sat up late plying us with rice whiskey (that seemed to get her drunker and drunker, yet had only a little effect on the 2 of us!) giving us detailled insights in to the love lives of her and her friends

"So I was like, CHAM! What are you doing with him? And she was all sad, and she cry alot! But she was like, SHOW, I love him. We both cry alot".

A brilliantly funny evening, though we have a more detailed insight on the courting rituals of the H'Moung Peoples (which actually isn't all that pretty all the time, kidnap is the most often form of courtship???).

We had another walk the next day on a more established route and spent a few hours bumming around the ever darkening Sapa (mountain climate dear reader, it can change in an instant!), before heading to the station for our train to Dong Hoi. Our cabin friends that evening were a very excitable and giggly group of Japanese teenagers on a week long trip to Virtnam. We shared stories (via the marvel of hand signals) and got a well needed early night, as we had a 4am stop the next day in Dong Hoi (a little bit off the tourist trail at last dear reader).

However, we think that's enough to keep you going for a while dear friends.

Join us next time to hear about the wonderful time we had in 'happening" Dong Hoi, and the other wonderful destinations along the coast of the lovely (if at times overcharging!) VIetnam.

Thanks for checking in again.

More when there's more (time in an internet cafe, rather than cheap drinks on the beech that is!!!).

J n J