28 MARCH 2012



Well, Julian did not disappoint! He looked every inch the Ralph Lauren model in his tux, red bow tie and matching cummerbund. He was of course fashionably late and made a diva's entrance. He was absolutely gutted to see an old fat American on the next table in a white tux with red bow tie. If looks could kill! Oooooohhhh!!

The food last night was quite nice, I wasn’t really inspired by the menu. My options are always limited due to my not liking anything that can live under water. For this reason, the frog legs didn’t rate a mention. Mind you, when they arrived for the rest of the table, the chef had crossed the frog legs, like someone sitting down to read a newspaper. The verdict on them was – over-rated. I had carpaccio of beef which was really melt in the mouth. Then I chose a baby spinach leaf salad, followed by tournedos Rossini. Pud was nice. It was a filo tulip with fresh fruit and a citrus cream inside. We decided to stick to just one glass of wine which was a really tasty Californian Merlot and cheaper than the previous night.

I disappeared off to bed as it was gone 11. We put the clocks back a further hour last night, I have now completely lost the plot, no idea how many hours we are in front, behind or anything. Oh, I also remembered to hunt out the chocolate this time!

Today was Wednesday, so it was Cozumel in Mexico, a small relatively unspoilt island off Playa del Carmen which is too commercialised for my liking. Cozumel is supposed to be like Playa del Carmen used to be about 15 years ago. We’ll see!

I woke at 6.15 having ordered my breakfast to be delivered to my cabin between 6.30 & 7am. I donned my complementary white 'Celebrity’ robe and sat on the veranda as we were just nearing Cozumel. I was called by the deck pantry just before it arrived to warn me it was on its way and ate it outside. Still being very good – Fresh fruit, low fat yoggie and toast.



I then got dressed and wandered off to the lower decks to wait for the prompt to disembark. Somehow I missed the starter’s gun and got caught up in a whole sea of happy trippers on a mission to leave the ship as slowly as possible – or so it seemed.

I was by now sporting another lovely shiny sticker – yellow this time.

 I managed to find my way to the pier and hop on the ferry to go across to Playa del Carmen. It was 45 minutes across quite open sea on a fast catamaran. There were times the horizon totally disappeared as it was a bit of a rollercoaster ride. There was a member of the crew passing out sick bags, but I’m proud to say I never needed one at all. There was a really catchy song played on the TV as we crossed. It was by someone called Matty B (I think). He is about 8 years old and a bit of a rapper, I thought he was quite good, although he’s probably a spoilt little p**ck.

Once docked we caught a coach for a 30 minute ride to Tulum, an old Mayan city, which the archaeologists are gradually revealing, having just done the temple site so far.

We had a Mayan guide, yes I thought the Mayans had all died out too but apparently the Conquistadores left a few alive and they do live on. It is a struggle for them to keep their language alive as the youngsters are not taught Mayan at school. Apparently you can tell a true Mayan as they have a kind of birthmark at the arse end of their back, like an area of darker pigment. Mind you I wouldn’t want to ask to see it.

Tulum is an enormous site and we only went to the temple area. Apparently it was abandoned in about 300 AD, possibly due to the Toltecs moving into the area. They seem to have been a very blood thirsty bunch, human sacrifices being quite high on the agenda. The sacrifices were selected by playing a game in the Mayan ball court adjacent to the temples. There were two teams and after the game the captains climbed up to the top of the temple and the losing captain sacrificed the winning captain.

One Scottish wag suggested this was why they had died out, by killing off the top sportsman – had they not heard of the survival of the fittest? There was never a better time to throw a game and be the dweeb in the corner that nobody ever picked for their team!

From Tulum we went by coach to a quieter area for lunch, down by the sea on a beautiful beach. It was here that I got to know Birgitte and Hans from Sweden and Sylvia and Gerry from North Carolina. As I had some Mexican Pesos, I bought everyone a margarita and the conversation just flowed! Then we had another and it was time to leave for the ship. Never did go those twenty steps onto the beach – margaritas are much more fun. We just got back in time and sailed about 15 minutes after.

Not a lot of funny moments today but we did quite a lot for international relations.

No fancy pants tonight – just smart casual – whoopee.

Tomorrow is Roatan Island off Honduras. I’m off to a private island for a spot of sunbathing and paddling. It will probably not be such a long day as today. I’m going to be knackered at the end of this holiday!