Welcome to Buenos Aires.
Here is THE NEWS.

World tour on hold due to massive Malbec hangover.

Thatcher death. Slight brightening of general mood in central Buenos Aires today.

Militant French girls (24 and 25 YOA) inform Buenos Aires tour guide they only understand Spanish. Forced to pretend they can't understand English in humiliating fashion for rest of tour.

A world first: Proud Englishman pretends to be Australian in vicinity of Malvinas protest/Argentine Naval Museum.

NOBODY having fun in this nightclub announces South African woman.

Budget travellers dine on 6 empañadas for 24 pesos - lunchtime. Same couple later spotted spending 900 pesos on 8 course Argentine taster menu.

Bicycle tour of wine lands postponed indefinitely as tourists fail to locate bicycle. Knowledge of Mendoza bus routes reaches new high.

First class tickets regretted as bus breaks down. Passengers are transferred to 30 year old coach. Later requested to vacate seat of Peruvian farmer.

Argentine President Christine Fernandez de Kirchner flies in by private helicopter for crucial Pink House talks. 2 French tourists appalled.

Tango show latest: Creaky and creepy voice of Colombian granny audience member regrettably far more audible than that of amped up lead performer.

Sport: South African accurately predicts goalless stalemate at crucial Boca-Lanus fixture.

Financial Markets: Greenback in black market climbs to milestone 8.20 Pesos (57% gap with official rate) - source Cambio on Florida Av. BA.

And finally: Caucasian gringo seen pissing against tree in upper class Argentinian winery region. Authorities alerted.

Good night, and stay safe.