Bangkok & Koh Samui

　
Touch down in the sunny, smog-ridden humidity of the big BKK and a new chapter begins...
We caught a taxi toward the city centre as Lana gazed through the window for the entire journey surprised as she studied the immaculately clean landscape, immediately noticing the obvious change in the city. How much more developed and built-up was Bangkok from her last visit several years earlier she wondered? Rhetorical question really. Adam was intrigued by the patriotism shown through constant images of the King which flanked every main highway emulated in shrines every hundred metres or so, on central reservations and outside most shopping centres. We arrived shortly after to Sam Sen Soi Ha and headed off in search of the elusive guesthouse. Zig zagging our way through narrow alleyways which almost felt like we were intruding on people's homes as the community was all very contained and compacted with no space unused. Finding our abode to be several minutes later was a relief as we were both in need of a hot meal and a cold beer. Phi Man River View guesthouse was a quaint little retreat and fortunately kept at an intelligently safe distance from the Ko San Road Tourist Circus. Nearby was the modern architectual suspension bridge which lit up bright yellow impressively after dark as the long boats and barges kept on passing through the night.
We were greeted by a pretty spaced out and incredibly camp guy named Vee. Were still not sure if he's always really high or if he's naturally like he is. We were hoping for the earlier. They had one double room available, painted pink, with plastic dolls glued to the back wall and a cabinet also stuffed with the same plastic dolls in different outfits. Someone had spent the time making individual outfits for all these poor man's barbie dolls...we're not sure what fact is freakier. We agreed to a discount if we stayed for 5 nights. It's was a chilled out place right on the Chao Phraya river, with modern comforts, Wifi and a pond which looked like it should stink, and be a mosquito haven, but isn't. It was inhabited by huge catfish and a monitor lizard and kept all the guests entertained at 'feeding time'.
We had wonderful cold showers then ventured down to the Ko San Freak Show. It's a kind of tourist attraction in itself. Adam was blown away by the number of T-shirt stalls, Lana noticed that more of the shops have taken over the street space rudely encroaching on the multitude of street food vendors' turf. As expected the bars were borderline out of control as wasted Brits and other Europeans swagger, with their shirts off of course (cos they're "on 'oliday") without shame or grace through the mesmorized (stoned or maybe just on the turn after a nasty bite) crowds, as huddles of people were getting dreadlocks or extensions in their hair. What was most noticeable were the hostile attitudes and unhappy personas of the Thai people working this disaster strip. This was much to Adam's disappointment as he had, until this point, only heard good things about the Thai people and Thailand in general. Their souls have been torn from their bodies and drowned in a bucket of Samsung and cola so many times they have forgotten what a wonderful place Thailand is...or perhaps used to be. It would be easy to put this down as a result of the embarassing pissed/drugged foreigners, Aussies included, behaving like complete tools at all hours of the day be it in family restaurants or whatever. They display absolutely no regard for the differences in culture. It's no wonder at all that the Thais have so little respect left.
After our own transport ordeal of the previous 48 hours, we found ourselves getting in amongst the masses for celebratory beers, Tom Yum Kung soup and then, unavoidably by dark, a couple of buckets at some plastic stool bars which advertised the lack of need to ask for ID!!!! How we emerged unscathed, we are unsure, but the usual Manuel drunken naughtiness kicked in on the way back to our guesthouse. We stopped at a small narrow bar that had a live band playing blues music, a more sophisticated affair with people sat at small tables along one wall having just finished their dinner or tapas or whatever, who cares. Staggering up to the bar we recall ordering beers, we recall dancing in the miniscule space just in front of the stage, bumping tables. The band stopped and we recall protesting with cries and cheers of 'encore, encore, ENCORE!' All to no avail...we left. Maybe the band started up again once we had cleared out...who knows?! Stopping for 7 Eleven sandwiches on the way home we stole a flag from what we thought was a government building which turned out to be a temple. Oops. From here the recollection stops, but the suffering jolted us awake in the full sweaty heat of the morning, our fan going flat out blowing hot air around the room, to absolutely no relief. Hello hangover.
Day one was pretty well wasted, feeling like crap, vowing never to touch another drink let alone another Thailand bucket. Day two we took a tour out to the MBK shopping centre in order to get a headset so we could make good use of the Skype facilities the free Wifi offered us. We took the skytrain and the Chao Praya fast ferry back almost the entire length of the city. The river cruise was nice, cheap and very practical and probably the best way to see some of Bangkok's major attractions. We took in the sights of fabulous temples and large highrise hotels and buildings, all the while watching as the locals made use of the river for trade, transport and leisure.
A couple of days later we arranged to go to Suan Lum Night Bazaar and met up with some old friends John (a singer/songwriting musician) and Gary (long time nomadic friend of Lana's who is teaching English). Both are living in Bangkok now. It was good to catch up over what turned into several Towers of Beer Chang, and see that the night bazaar hadn't altered; the food courts and evening performances were the same as 4 years ago when Lana was here. When the night market closed we were ushered out and caught a cab with Gary and his girlfriend to PatPong the famous club and ping-pong show district. After a couple more seriously overpriced beers Gary left and we ventured on to another couple of bars, where Lana got hustled out of 100 Baht for losing a game of Connect Four with a bar hostess. Pat Pong is just rammed with bar after bar with the odd tattoo parlour thrown in for all those drunken "I'm gettin' a tat!" moments. Eventually we felt it was best to call it a day...Adam squeezing in a few more 7 Eleven sandwiches along the way!
We soon realised that enough time had been spent in Bangkok, although our sight seeing had been less than minimal, so we booked tickets for the bus and ferry to the cheesy tourist-mayhem of Koh Samui where we had arranged to meet up with Adam's friend Dickie from Melbourne who he had not seen since 2005, who now lives there for almost 10 months of the year.
A night bus awaited. We finally hit the road at 7.30pm, taking a downstairs seat hoping that we'd stand more chance in the event of a topple. The bus gunned it's way down to Surat Thani where we were let off at a pier just after dawn, given another coloured sticker (just like being on a school trip) and then unexpectedly ushered onto another bus where we drove for another 65 KM to the right pier. We boarded the ferry (with our fellow blue sticker wearers) and cruised over to Koh Samui.
Being out on the calm turquoise ocean was nice. The sky was blue only a few culmulus clouds hugging the horizon, and the rocky mounds of the islands approached looking serene and tropical, like lost islands. We arrived at the main ferry point and caught a taxi with some others to the main town Chewang, where Dickie had said he would meet us. It was the typical holiday-in-the-sun island and we could just as easily have been on Ibiza. We waited for Dickie to show up outside Burger King on the main street, opposite MacDonalds. He'd already done a reccy to find us reasonable accommodation and had done well. He arrived and both he and Adam could not contain their delight in the reunion, he had not changed, except for a hair cut (for the better Adam wishes to add here!). We cheked into the quiet Coconut Grove, dropped our bags and went straight back out for breakfast and stocked up on mixers, spirits and ice to make our own drinks on the beach, from Dickie's legendary Bali holdall bag. It was great for Lana to meet one of Adam's mates who she had heard mention in several of his stories of his Melbourne antics years earlier. We hit the infamous Ark Bar and that was that, only glimpses of what really happened during the next few hours. Adam put Lana to bed around 9pm and went on a bender. He arrived back at the hotel around 5am to find that he had been inadvertantly locked out by a far from conscious, unwakeable, Lana and had to scale the narrow exposed ledge outside the 4th floor hotel room, facing the street, which inconveniently was covered in a slippery dark sludge, built up from years of dripping air-con units mixed with pigeon feces. Let's just say it was a close one and thank God the window was open!
The following day, feeling a little ropey, we hired a scooter to cruise around the island. The fresh air of riding quelled the heat of the beachside and miraculously cured the hangover. Dickie showed us to some of the cultural sights; first up the Big Buddah who was sat on a pedestal at the top of two flights of steps next to a modest temple, in a small handicraft village. Buddha is set right on a penninsula of a pretty blue bay which had trees surrounding the water where a few fishing boats bobbed gently in the breeze. We went up, allowed to keep our shoes on due to the burning heat radiating from the tiled floor, and walked around the perimeter where there was a series of different sized bells and some beautiful views over the other bays of the island's coast. Next we rode on to a large Shiva sculpture, with his many arms flaying in a circle around his head. This seemed relatively new. Another temple complex was also newly built with a couple of large temples still under construction. The grounds were really nice and had a small lake running between with Koi fish and a quaint bridge going over to some more Buddha statues. A few monks floated around the grounds so Lana put on Adam's swim shorts to cover her knees. We walked around each of the temples noting that one had been carved to look as though it had risen out of a lotus flower and was floating on the water.
Mounting the scooters for another burn around the island we searched hard for a quiet beach to swim. By now the southern Thailand heat and humidity was taking its toll on all of us, even the seasoned Dickie. We discovered a secluded spot after turning off the main road and onto a minor road which passed through rural villages and picturesque seaside shanty housing which was a highlight and welcome change to the tourist sprawl. The beach had a 5 star resort which boasted a large swimming pool and rich middle aged men with European model girlfriends and was not as secluded as we first thought, however most of the guests kept themselves busy in the pool listening to house beats delivered by the hotelk DJ that could be found in any European nightclub. The calm ocean water was magnificent. Warm, crystal clear with slight green tinges, and the whitest sand to date. Running up and down the beach on full display was a 6 foot tall, blue eyed platinum blonde bombshell. She blatently took advantage of every opportune moment when anyone on the beach or in the water was looking in her direction, as she practiced her best baywatch canter along the soft sand in a barely legal white bikini. It has to be said that we were all impressed, including Lana, although we found it difficult suppressing the laughter at such a cliche.
We returned to Chewang only to stock up on more alcohol, ice, fishing tackle and bait as we were confident in trying our luck in catching dinner. A little optimistic perhaps, and we hadn't even thought about how we were to cook the proverbial catch. Riding to the north easterly point of the island seemed our best chance as the tide was up and the sun was setting and hopefully the fish were biting! As we positioned ourselves on a nice spot on the rocks we noticed a few locals out with their rods which appeared to be a good sign. Baiting the hook, opening our beers and taking up a comfortable spot on the rocks out of the way of the incoming tide, we waited. Nothing, not even a nibble and after around 10 minutes Adam had a snag, it wouldnt be the last. After an hour and 3 snags later resulting in the loss of all our tackle, it was a unanimous decision to head back to the hotel, freshen up and head out on the town...again.
Once again the morning hangover left us a little sluggish and dehydrated. While we had vowed that enough drinking had taken place and a chilled out day at Dickies place was in order it was not to be. He also just happened to have a Nintendo Wi with bowling and Tiger woods golf...Bingo! We hit up the cash and carry for a couple of kilos of fresh seafood; some of the biggest tiger prawns we had seen, some fruit, snacks and a slab of Beer Leo cans, for an afternoon cook-up on his little gas stove. The afternoon inevitably developed into a drinking, singing and bowling our asses off party of 3! So much for dicipline eh? Around 11pm we called it a night and rode back to the hotel as we had planned to have our last day on the island relaxing and cruising around on the scooter.
Waking early we headed off to the westerly part of Koh Samui and stumbled across a Rum Distillery, run by a french speaking lady who was native to Martinique, a french Colonial island in the Carribean. Oh no here we go again we thought, but to our credit none of us even indulged in a tasting. We headed out to the internationally acclaimed golf course for a look and were not let down. This was one of the most immaculately maintained, and tropical paradise picture of all courses Adam said he had ever seen, or imagined. It came at a price though. To play you need to hire clubs, cart, shoes, caddy, green fees and the round which totalled to around $250 AUS. Alternatively we thought we would ride around under the radar and inspect the holes further away from the clubhouse, but the security here was first class and were stopped within 100 metres, and redirected to the road.
In the afternoon we rode to the small and cosy Fishing Village on the west side of the island and had a few drinks at Bar Sometimes, set right on the beach connected to a quiet and well run guesthouse by a middle-aged Swedish couple. Adam opted for the fruit shake, Lana for a beer and Dickie still going strong enjoyed another Samsung mix from his ever realiable Bali bag. We had decided to hit an all you can eat Thai Barbeque restaurant where you are presented with a steamboat dish over a pot of hot coals. The dish looks like an inverted collander or spaghetti strainer, which forms the barbeque part for cooking the meat and fish, and a lip around the edge in which you cook up a soup and your veggies with the simmering water. You help yourself to all the fresh produce from a buffet type display which included fresh seafood, different types of meat and livers, loads of fresh vegetables, mushrooms, seaweed and so on then cook it yourself back at the table. Both Adam and Dickie had the Samsung rum mixes in full swing and the cook-off was on! With fresh mint, coriander, basil, garlic, ginger, chilli, peppers and soy source making up the stock, we added mushrooms, pork dumplings, boiled quail eggs and tomato into the brew. On top we had fresh squid, tiger prawns, crab, beef and pig liver frying away. This was one of the most enjoyable and social ways to share a meal with friends and also good fun, especially when the Samsung kicks in a the dares of what to eat start to surface. This capped off a perfect week catching up with an old friend, relaxing near the beach with ideal summer holiday weather after perhaps the most excruciating travel stint we had accomplished thus far; including Everst Base Camp, climbing a Himalayan mountain, riding our much loved and missed Royal Enfield ('Chivas') through the chaos of India and the shorter travelling bouts in between. If only we knew what was in store for us on the overnight journey riding the 'VIP' Bus back to Bangkok!
We booked our tickets for the ferry and night bus back to the capital with a 12pm pick-up time which suited us well! We were transferred to a pier, and then had to board a big sleeper bus to the next pier for the ferry; which, on arrival we realised was taking the bus aswell! We sat on the top deck until the sun became too hot then went inside for the rest of the sailing. The bus took us to some restaurant on the edge of Surat Thani, where we had to wait 2 hours for the arrival of the next bus in the bizarre and complex relay transport system the Thais have invented to d*** the tourists around or, more likley, to try and coordinate the infinite number of tour agencies who sell every possible combination of tickets.
The big pink bus arrived just after dark and we threw our bags into the luggage compartment and prepared for the long ride. There were only 14 of us on the 45 seater so we each had a double seat. At around 2am we were woken by the shouts of a Canadian lady next to us claiming she had been robbed. She had seen one of the Thai bus crew members leaning over her seat fiddling with her bag. It later materialised that he had been up the stairs once, took her bag, carefully gone through both wallets inside and removed around 3000 baht, $600 Canadian dollars and $100 US dollars, before replacing her bag next to her when she woke up. After heated arguments and shouting at the front of the bus, trying to get the driver to pull over we figured out that he had accessed the back of the bus through the luggage compartment which had an access door from the drivers cockpit. The Canadian girl got some of her money back but it seemed it had already been split between the driver and the theif. In a bag she insisted on seraching for her money she also found her new sealed box of perfume which had been in her main luggage under the bus...When the driver finally pulled over, after coming extremely close to altercations with Adam when the theif produced a steel bar from the front of the bus and the driver slammed on the brakes to throw Adam against the windshield, the thief disappeared and two 'off duty police officers', unable to produce any identification, were waiting outside the restaurant stop. The driver got off and let us get our luggage out. All bags had been tampered with although the highly experienced theif's tracks had been covered well. Everyone checked their bags to see what else was missing, several people voicing their anger at the whole situation. The restaurant owner came out and said that the bus was part of his business in Bangkok and offered to compensate for the missing items and cash...which only further exposed the scam which had evidently been lining the pockets of more than just the bus crew on this occasion for some time.
The bus driver, fearful of taking us any further on his own and also of Adam who was ready to deliver justice, also refused to produce his ID or drivers licence, escaped, with the bus and left us all stranded by the highway. Thankfully the restaurant owner hailed down another bus and put us on it, although when this bus finally reached Bangkok it was a 200 Baht cab ride away from where our tickets were supposed to take us. Back at Koh San Hole, where we intended to find out how to get to Kanchanaburi , we decided to abandon Thailand; not wanting to spend our hard-saved money on their tourist industry any more. Our rash boycotting decision led us to Hua Lampong railway station with tickets for the night train to Nong Khai and the boarder of Laos, relieved and excited.