He just shoots from a distance!

Don't play hard to get Roly, oh you're such a tease!

I never let Rich get close enough to touch me!!!!

Yeah Eyles, stop touching me..............

Well I co-own Gate 28 and I've heard that a certain bearded chappie has been lighting his hands down the back of my public house. Such appalling behaviour will not be tolerated and neither will beastiality. Sorry Eyles, but its not right!

Bah! I'm Mr Gate 28, owner, founder and inventor of Gate 28. What's this about pikey's drinking smuggled wine in my fine establishment. I think the rapscallions should be killed. Quite frankly I'm shocked and appalled.
p.s. Eyles is a bender, he told me.

Oi Spiller, you little pikey! Drinking wine from a carton under the table - do you live in a caravan!? Or do you beg for change on the London Underground?

Alright guys!!!!!?!?!?!?!? Your website is fab!!! Needs more piccies tho and still haven't received word on the 'incident' with the lady boys!! Me & Gaz are missing you loads - wednesday curries just aren't the same without you!!! Hope Oz is fab and your having a greeeeaattt time - i'm starting work on the welcome home BBQ garden for you this weekend - roll on August 31st!!!

Love Spiller & Gaz

Sorry about the abuse Keat. We couldn't control Slippery. He wanted to come out and thought your message board was the place to do it. I'm leaving Prod Planning on Friday, no chimps left in the dept now!!

You little f***ers!! My mum's gonna think I associate with a bunch of loons. Hello Matthew, hope your friends are looking after you. Tim - wise words about Richard!

I've known Matt for a few long drunken years now, and I have to say he is smitten as a kitten with a mitten. I have seen a few photos of you and onl;y met you once (sorry, I am drunk and am usually drunk but am a nice person really) but...I've forgotten what I wanted to say cos I have swallowed some glass from Waitrose ( I asm suing them...wait fore the news article) anhooo,
You are lush and a female version of matt. which stands you in good stead for the future...need a weeee, got to goo..look 4wd to seeihn you xxxx

Oh my god, I'm ripping it up in Folkestone with my main man chivs. Bless the lad, I'll be looking after the poor lad until your return, he is doing my head in already and you've only been gone for two days.

Hope you are having a good time so far, take care of yourself and each other,

PS:Richard Eyles is a bender, no offence to parents, I'm a nice lad really, if you've met him I'm sure you'll agree!