The last couple of weeks have undoubtedly been one of firsts:

- The first time I have ever had a naked picture taken of me half way up a volcano (although it wasn't my idea I'm a little worried about having enjoyed doing it a little bit).
- The first time I've been to a country that ends with the letter 'u'.
- The first time I've made friends with a Darren (I don't consider Darren the warehouse manager* at Waitrose in Wokingham 1996-1998 as a friend, only a work colleague).
- The first time I've sat next to a woman on a bus that smelt like salami
- The first time I've had my picture taken with a sausage dog (he was called Clifford and he was brown)
- The first time I have rode through a completely pitch black tunnel on a bike (and last time) and survived
- The first time I have surfed
- The first time I've eaten a Darren


"he is a gay, but he will give us a 50% discount."

This was one of the first things that my guide Guliano said to the new tour group I joined up with in Quito. He was talking about the owner of a restaurant in the city of Cuzco in Peru and I thought this was one of the funniest things I'd ever heard. Guliano is a young Peruvian guy who has and will be chaperoning us through Ecuador, Peru, and into Bolivia. Another thing I like that he says is 'stealers' when referring to thieves. Maybe it is a little cruel to be amused by a non native english speaker's (and a good one at that) minor errors but I can't help it. Guliano also said that Nobby Sol has the best BMW in Lima (capital of Peru) and often gets caught being photographed with prostitutes.

Anyway, so Guliano, I, and the rest of our small tour group (currently numbering 5 but we have 9 new people joining in Lima on Tuesday) headed out of Quito for a few days in the jungle. The tour included a 3 night all inclusive stay at the imaginatively entitled 'Selva Lodge' (selva means jungle in spanish) way out east of Quito. When I was told that it involved a flight and a 3 hour canoe ride to reach I was actually quite pleased as this suggested that it was suitably remote, snakes, jaguars, and tapirs don't tend to hang out next to towns and villages after all. Although this tour is certainly at the budget end of the scale I was suspicious on arrival at the domestic terminal of Quito airport that this particular jungle lodge was in fact a bit good. After check in we were ushered to the airline's kind of VIP lounge complete with free bar and cakes, and then on the flight itself (only 25 minutes!) we were served a meal and drinks. Finally on arrival at the place itself my suspicions were confirmed when we were greeted with rum and passion fruit cocktails and tasty snacks including these brilliant banana wrapped in bacon things.

The days at the lodge were excellent. We had a great guide called 'Jorge' who took us on numerous walks into the jungle to spot animals and plants and explain jungley stuff to us. I was horrified to discover upon closer inspection of a millipede that they don't in fact have 1 million legs - is this the animal kingdom's biggest fraud? We saw lots of different ants of varying sizes, colours and levels of danger. The leaf cutter ants are interestingly the only animal other than humans that make their own food. They cut the leaves, carry them back to their nest and cultivate them such that they can eat the mould that grows on them. We also saw some ants that can eat animals, and potentially eat a human. I can't remember their name (it was either 'bullet ants' or 'death ants') but they apparently are capable of eating an incapacitated animal at some speed. I asked Jorge if any of his family or friends had got stuck under a fallen tree and been eaten by these ants but he said no. No sightings of a tapir or jaguar and they remain elusive, time is running out.

After flying back from the jungle to Quito we drove south to a small touristy town called Banos which means 'baths' in spanish (no guessing what the town is famous for). Almost dying in a tunnel while mountain biking apart, Banos was also the place where I met Clifford the sausage dog, one of my favourite dog breeds. Luckily I was armed with my camera at the time so I got a picture with him but found it very difficult to get Clifford to pose for a photo in profile so I could get a shot that showed off his sausgeness. Banos is quite good and it would have been nice to stay a little longer as there are lots of activities on offer. In 1999 the big volcano that almost hangs over the town erupted and in the inevitable panic everyone ran away despite the town actually only sucumbing to a shower of ash rather than lava. In any case the people there decided that if it happens again any future evacuations should be less panic like and a bit more organised. It was kind of funny to see these signs all over town with pictures of stick men in a running position with an arrow showing you what way to run. I was personally very keen on an eruption happening while we were there but unfortunately I left dissappointed.

After Banos we took a bus south to Ecuador's third city, Cuenca, and it was on this bus that I had the salami experience. In Cuenca itself I couldn't really find much to do apart from pretend to be interested in old buildings and churches and continue my search for a good hat. After numerous conversations with strangers in broken spanish I actually found a couple of shops selling the traditional Andean pork pie style hat that I was after, but neither had one big enough for my massive head. I also realised while trying one on and looking in a mirror that donning this particular hat without wearing the rest of the traditional outfit and instead jeans and t-shirt, I end up looking like some sort of Justin Timberlake wannabe. Oh the irony!

...and then there was Darren.....

I decided up front to call it Darren irrespective of it's actual sex because I like the name. I found a fat Peruvian lady with a market stall selling animals and picked out the one I thought most looked like a Darren. A few minutes later and a few dollars lighter, I had darren in a Nesquick cardboard box with a few leaves for him to eat. The plan was to keep Darren for a while and take him down to Peru with us. Although he seemed a little on edge almost all the time, Darren seemed happy when back in my hotel room. I made him a water bowl out of the bottom of a water bottle but he quickly knocked it over while dashing round his box. He'd already done quite a few poos too (probably about 13) by the time he got to the hotel so I kicked a paper from the lobby and laid that in the box to soak up his excretions. It was a big day for Darren the next day as we set off on the long trip down to Peru and the chaotic border crossing. I was beginning to get a little worried about Darren dehydrating after the water bowl incident. Luckily an Ecuadorian bloke at a bus station told me that Darren could get water from the air and from food. I gave him two grapes and an orange segment because that struck me as being juicy foodstuffs but he wasn't interested (Darren, not the bloke).

We reached the town of Mancora in Peru later that day, Darren was fine and seemed pleased that the journey was over. He made a home in the garden on the hotel and seemed to like the grass I gave him, even making friends with the hotel's pet tortoise! I introduced him to Colin the Crocodile too but they didn´t seem to take to each other.

Mancora was nice, beachy, and I tried my hand at some surfing. I am a little scared of the sea so instead of venturing out solo I got a lesson in which a bloke tells you the basics before sending you out into the waves. I did manage to stand up on my first ever wave but this was largely to do with the guy holding the board steady and swimming behind. Being a bit backpackery there were lots of rustic restaurants there with some good seafoood and lots of deserts that I got well and truly stuck in to.

I write now from another northern Peruvian beach town called Huanchaco famous for these canoe boat things made from reeds, I think they are rubbish. There's also some famous ruins nearby called 'Chan-Chan'. I couldn't tell you much about the history behind them as I didn't find them overly impressive and spent most of time not listening to what the guide was saying and daydreaming instead.

Darren made it here to Huanchaco but it is where his journey sadly ended. I ate him. He came with chips, rice, two small slices of cucumber and a little mayonnaise. I´ve stuck some pictures of Darren into a photo album on the blog.

Next stop the Peruvian capital Lima. We are taking a night bus there this evening and I look forward to a Starbucks cappuccino when I arrive.

* Darren (and perhaps Gary) is such a supermarket warehouse manager's name. I suspect at least 50% of British supermarket warehouse managers are called Darren or Gary.