Halong Bay in North Vietnam was stunning. The thousands of islands are scattered around randomly as if they've fallen out of a goddess's pocket. With all the traditional Vietnamese junk ships ferrying tourists around and a heavy mist lurking over the top of all the islands, it was like being in a tragically cast & poorly scripted pirate movie. Minus wardrobe assistant. Unfortunately, the caves in the islands that we went exploring in weren't as pirate-esque as they were lit up like a junior school disco. Still fantastic if you looked past the luminous rainbow walls.

The cool weather was the perfect excuse to wear ALL my warm clothes that I'd been carrying around with me 'just in case' but one sleeper train later and we were melting again. So ordering a winter coat in Hoi An (a little town of tailor-made heaven) felt a little wrong. Every shop we went into we were welcomed with an onslaught of compliments & Pan had to nod in agreement as he was told to look after me and how lucky he was. Disappointingly for them (and me) the flattery didn't result in him taking out a credit card and declaring he'd buy me whatever I wanted. I've started telling people he's my brother to avoid having to explain why he's not going to buy me anything or why we want a room with more than one bed. Despite the compliments, he didn't survive shopping and had to leave me to my chronic indecisiveness which inevitably surfaced when I was faced with a blank canvas, millions of designs and a patient sales assistant waiting for me to place a dress order.

So, after ordering a whole new wardrobe which is going to spend three months on a boat and then 5 months in a cupboard, we left the ancient charms of Hoi An for the sand and sunshine further down the coast in Nha Trang. The beaches there are strewn with a strikingly diverse collection of tourists that look as if they were all holidaying in various places and somehow all got washed up there together. We spent a day semi-conscious under the palm trees recovering from a night bus and after being approached several dozen times by enthusiastic locals selling everything from silk paintings to chewing gum - and failing to reason with them that you don't need any sunglasses as you have some on your head right now, you master the art of pretending to be asleep. The only thing I did indulge in purchasing was a stick of candy floss, which disintegrated in front of me in the gentle sea-breeze as soon as I took it out of it's plastic bag. Massive trough. I didn't fully recover until I found some M&Ms a few days later. Peak!

We braved the lethally hectic traffic and cycled along the coast to see some Cham ruins which consist of small, ornate towers built with tiny orange bricks - apparently it remains a mystery to this day how they constructed them without using cement (let alone how they've survived so many centuries). Although, the most widely accepted theory is that they used sugar cane. One can't avoid the conclusion that Oompa Loompas instigated the whole project.

Now we're in South Vietnam - I sat through an 8 hour train ride down to Ho Chi Minh where the tiny baby behind me thought that pulling my braids was the best fun ever. Luckily it had a cute smile and the attention span of a retarded fish. Everyone in Vietnam seems fascinated by my hair - I'll turn around to find someone touching it with an amazed look on their face "how you make your hair? It very special" yes, yes it is, thank you.

Something that's been puzzling me since I got to Vietnam is that there are apparently 4 ancient 'mythical creatures' that the Vietnamese prize (and name lots of things after)… Firstly, the Dragon; a pretty standard magical creature, especially in Asia. Secondly, the Unicorn; I'd always assumed this was fairly Western but apparently it's recognized out here too. Thirdly, the Pheonix; which I guess this normally makes an appearance in any self-respecting wizard's life at some point. And finally the Tortoise; now, I don't know how an ancient Tortoise managed to convince someone that it was magical and worthy of being revered among the other supernatural creatures of it's time (!?) or perhaps it was just a case of no-one having the courage to point out to a ferocious yet poorly educated emperor that they actually exist, and don't appear to have any magical powers, but they definitely have a more sacred status than they do in the West…if anyone knows why then send me some info and I'll be able to sleep better tonight, otherwise I'm going to sit down and trawl Google at some point to get to the bottom of it…